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Recent Blog Posts
I write this as I’m fighting tears that are just about to stream down my face.
I feel depressed, extremely unhappy, unworthy and just stupid.
Why on earth did I let myself get into this position. Enter into a family that was already started and that I had no part in creating. If only I knew how hard it would be.
It’s like I left my old life and joined BFs life. I lost all my friends (they all sided with my ex husband when I left him), lost my house (couldn’t afford to keep it at the time) and feel like I basically have nothing.
The past weekend I finally had enough. You know those "lightbulb" moments where everything comes into focus and becomes clear? I had such a moment, and it was the final straw. It has taken me this long to write about it because I am so heartbroken--words just cannot fully give justice to the range of emotions I am feeling right now. Mostly grief.
I was out decorating my light pole for Christmas. And one of the EMT's from across the street came over. (The EMT air ambulance maintains a house across the street)
I used to date this guy, very briefly, a year and 1/2 ago. It ended when my Mom was diagnoised with COPD, and he informed me that that meant she only has 5 more years to live. It upset me horribly that he would say that. He did not examine her, he did not know how advanced it was. He just passed that death sentence, because he's and EMT and a Paramedic.
well, so much for northern keeping her mouth shut about the list. I just couldn't, I was too pissed. I confronted F when he got home, and he said he already told SD that Mon. and Thurs she would have to find other arrangements (nights where he is working late). What he failed to mention was that he had to drive her last night too. >:( I found that out when I suggested we go together to get movies and pies for our holiday after work, and he said he had to get SD to cheerleading by 6.
Ok so SD came over on monday and told BF that she had some big news to tell him but she wanted to wait until today to tell him. Welllll She spoke to him on the phone a little while ago and mentioned the big news. So he said he could not wait so for her to please tell him. She told him that BM is pregnant!!!! I feel so good to know this but I feel that BF is bothered by it. BM made him wait 5 years to get pregnant. and they have only been seperated 15 months. Is it wrong for me to feel good about this?
I am hoping someone may be able to share their story or share some advise.
I have been with my BF for 2 years, he has 2 sons under 10 y.o. His divorce to BM is still not finalized, they have been working off a verbal agreement and he is now trying to get a written agreement drafted and finalized through the lawyers.
I have no children of my own (well I treat my 2 dogs as children, so I'm told, but that really doesn't count). I have never been married.
I have a few questions:
My life hasnt been very much fun lately and sometimes it has been just down right shi**y but I am thankful for the friends I have made here on StepTalk. I am thankful for all of you and all the knowledge that all of you are willing to share with virtual strangers.
thank you my FRIENDS!!
It's really just aimed at me mostly. I've noticed that when ss is getting along well with Bm, he treats me very badly. Lately, since Bm got her lawsuit settlement of what has to be at least more than $100,000, she's been buying ss everything he wants.
They went window shopping over the weekend so she could make sure to buy EVERYTHING for his Christmas. So of course she is successfully buying him off and he really thinks she's the bees knees right now.
There has been alot of talk of disengaging on the board and I think its a very valuable topic to discuss...I have gone back to disengaging since DH returned from a 15 month tour in IRAQ four weeks ago and then began to undermine me with Step brat...Yep, I kept her here with me for the duration of the 15 months tour only to have him begin stripping me of my authority and respect or critisizing the little things that he feels that I "didn't do right" with her while he was gone...I enjoy disengaging because it tends to "stick it" to DH in a matter that isn't negative...
I was replying to a post from vickmeister regarding my self assessment and honesty, etc.
I am a fixer. That's no light bulb there-I've known that for along time. Ergo, I attract those who need fixed. A fact I am also aware of, but seem unable to control. Being a fixer is not fun. Also is not self-diagnoised. My ex's pshyciatrist referred to me as such. And it tends to be a middle child trait. That would be me.
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