Ss's Bad Attitude
It's really just aimed at me mostly. I've noticed that when ss is getting along well with Bm, he treats me very badly. Lately, since Bm got her lawsuit settlement of what has to be at least more than $100,000, she's been buying ss everything he wants.
They went window shopping over the weekend so she could make sure to buy EVERYTHING for his Christmas. So of course she is successfully buying him off and he really thinks she's the bees knees right now.
At breakfast this morning ss informed me that his mom now has $25,000 for his college. Now we have a college fund for him which has no where CLOSE to that much in it. Of course he knows we have it but we've never told him how much money is in it. I'm sure that Bm told ss that hoping that he would tell us. Well, he did and I feel so ambiguous about it. On the one hand, I'm glad that ss will have that money for college but on the other hand I'm upset that because we have to pay for his day in and day out expenses, insurance, school fees, etc. we haven't been able to save all that much for his college. I think I am kind of jealous of Bm having all of that money to do whatever it is she wants to do, while I'm at home trying to make ends meet and pays all the bills so ss has food and clothes and health insurance. No matter what we get ss for Christmas, it won't even remotely compare to what Bm is going to get him.
Also, Bm has called again for another favor. Since she doesn't have ss for Thanksgiving this year, she wants to know if she can see him on some of our holiday time. I don't understand why she thinks we're going to give her extra time during our holiday. Why? The last time Dh felt sorry for her and let ss go over there, she sat in a chair with a blanket nursing her hangover the whole time.
I'm just in a real funk. We're going to have a family meeting tonight to discuss some of what is going on.
Dawn
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I have been in your funky shoes before Dawn
We have FC, but BM only pays 365 a month. That money went a little further when she took her for visitation EO weekend, but now that she is only agreeing to her weeknight overnight? We are taking care of ALL of SD's financial needs. And 365 doesn't even come close to covering a quarter of that. SD is constantly on sports teams and our middle school had to go to pay to play. DH signs her up for every available soccer clinic too, which is 165 bucks for four sessions, plus all the cleats, clothes, gas to drive her there.
BM does NONE of it.
And I won't even go into all the medical bills for SD's psych issues. We owe the Children's hosp 400 bucks now. And b/c we felt she would be better up there than the in network hosp (not true btw, they didn't do a thing and charged us 1200 bucks for the trip)I am sure that BM won't pay a dime of that either.
It just sucks. Meanwhile BM works tons to get all the money she can, and buys SD shiny things once a week, so SD feels she is very special to BM.
Yeah, so special that she doesn't want to see her more than four waking hours a week.
Then SD like your SS treats me like crap because I'm always telling her she doesn't NEED this or that, while BM tells her "You DO need it- I will make sure you have what you NEED (like bulk candy and a box of poptarts to keep in SDs locker since we don't buy them and SD NEEDS them.)
UGH.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Yeah
and our Bm doesn't pay us anything. We pay for everything except for half of uncovered medical/dental. We pay for all activities too. Plus, we paid for that Sylvan Learning thing last school year, which was hundreds of dollars and Bm contributed nothing.
Funny you should say pop tarts. I don't usually want ss to eat those sugary things before school but his mom must have a year's supply of strawberry pop tarts. He's always eating them at her house. Pop Tart came out with a whole wheat version and it has less icing on it. So I bought them for ss thinking he would be like "oh, yeah, Pop Tarts". He said that I just bought them for myself and that he didn't like them as much as the one's at his mom's because the ones I bought didn't have any flavor. I tasted them and they are fine. Yes, they don't have as much sugary icing but they are better for him. So I was trying to make him healthier and more able to concentrate when all he did was accuse me of buying them for myself.
I'm just fed up. I don't feel like cooking or cleaning or anything. I'm just blah.
Dawn
I forget- is SS ADD or ADHD?
I'm just waiting for SD to develop type II diabetes as a teen. BM feeds her sugar non-stop when there. Whatever right? We know we can't control that. BUT
BM buys bulk supplies of candy (pounds of it) and sends it back here for SD.
It's SO irritating.
SD may be hyperactive, or maybe it's just PD/BP and SUGAR addiction.
UGH. This BM's a nurse for cryin' out loud.
What a dip.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
He was ADHD
at the time he was diagnosed years ago. Since he has gotten older, he has appeared less hyper but I think it just comes out in different forms.
That's some nerve sending all of that sugar and then you guys have to deal with the outcome.
Yeah, my ss's Bm is a medical assistant. She acts like she knows everything medical. Ha!
Dawn
The attitude is gonna be really bad
tonight. I've told ss over and over, not to leave his iPod on the floor of his room. Mainly so it didn't get stepped on.
Earlier, I was missing the new puppy. When I found her, she had gotten ss's iPod and chewed up his ear buds. They will cost around $30- $40 to replace.
That will give ss a reason to have his mom get him a new, better iPod because he thought that the one he had here wasn't good enough for him anyway.
It's gonna be a battle.
Dawn
That's also dangerous for puppy! Did you know some of those have
Magnets in them? Swallow both earbuds and there's potential for death if the magnets are strong enough to pull together in the intestines.
And you aren't as mean as me. B/c of choking/magnet hazards with a puppy and nearly 3 year old BD in the house, if the kids leave Ipod/gameboys etc lying around, they know I take them and they lose them for the day (longer if they complain about it.)
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
I know how you feel
Dawn. I think all SM's do. Let's face it, we do everything for the skids and get nothing in return. His attitude goes to pot when the BM comes in with money. But try to look at it this way, that's ALL she has for him. YOU have the emotional connection, etc.
I don't think I do
have an emotional connection with him, really. I think we go along good for a while but he will always be his mother's son. I think that it was drilled into him when he was little that "DAWN IS NOT and WILL NEVER BE HIS MOTHER". As he gets older, he sees that I'm not as bad as his mother makes me out to be. However, as soon as some issues come up, I can just see this curtain fall down over his face and he turns into a totally different person.
Quite frankly, right now, ss is very materialistic. Maybe some of it is his age. But whatever it is, money talks. Whatever someone can do for him, or buy him is what he's going for. If you say "no, you don't need that" then your crap. Or "no, you can't order that for dinner because it costs too much", then you're a horrible person.
I really wonder if ss will get it or if we will end up losing the battle and sending him back to Bm.
Dawn
I don't think it has to do with "who buys whom more"
We have this argument all the time, Dawn. DH is a BIG overindulger. He always has been quite generous- not only with his girls, but with everyone in his family (and with charities as well). But ESPECIALLY with his girls.
Since the divorce, BM always complains that she has NO MONEY (a BIG LIE- long story- read my blogs) and never buys the girls anything. The truth- she's just cheap. The girls know that they can get anything from Daddy- and they usually do.
But who do they "run to" first if it doesn't involve money? Crazy BM. And why? Because she guilts the hell out of them. She has so beaten them down over the years with emotional abuse, that they feel compelled to run to her each time she calls- usually leaving DH in the dust.
I know that when it comes to the girls, DH comes first when the girls need a handout. But when it is "family" time (even if the family is dysfunctional) mom always comes in first place.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I think you may be right
That no matter what has all happened and how ss has been treated by his Bm, she still comes first. He's always looked out for her, even when he was little. Now, with her new found fortune, I think that he thinks that he can put up with all of her dysfunction as long as there's plenty of gifts in it for him.
I'm sure that Bm just loves to hear from ss about how horrible we are over here. We make him do chores. We ground him from his video games when he does something wrong.
Dawn
Not to scare ya
But that sounds like SD. And it is not just the age. My sons aren't like that because both exH's house and my house are reasonable with purchases.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Ugh, the materialism
SD is always commenting on how we should buy this, or do that to our house, or spend more money. Oddly, the only things she really asks for are things that the CS should pay for, like school supplies this summer because "Mama really needs the help!" At that point, Mama was yes, unemployed, but she was still getting CS while we were footing the food, electric, water, transportation, and entertainment bills for almost two months. I'm sure we could buy SD's affection, but what's the point? To teach her to come to us with her hand out?
BM was whining about there not being a college fund this year. I'm spectacularly unsympathetic because DH never had a college fund, BM never had a college fund, (she "let" DH pay her college loans for the two years she went and didn't graduate) and none of the three of us ever graduated.
Pfft, let the kiddo figure out how to pay for her wants, it'll make her a better person.
~Trish
Dawn
No matter what you do and how little his mother does, his mother will always be more important.
I would take that college fund and spend it on a European vacation. His mother should be paying for his college-----and whatever she can't (or won't), the kid should pay. I have 3 grown biokids. THEY PAID FOR THEIR COLLEGE (AND ARE STILL PAYING). They all graduated from college and are grateful to me. This materialistic kid (influenced more by his mom no matter what YOU do)will never appreciate your sacrifice------DO NOT LET HIM THINK YOU ARE PAYING FOR COLLEGE.
Sweetie, you are such a good hearted person. But you owe YOURSELF your good heart FIRST.