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MorningMia's Blog

Speaking of Mother's Day . . .

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Happy Mother's Day to all you moms and stepmoms (including dog and cat and other pet moms) out there! 

I don't have (human) kids, but I am celebrating that this is my second year heading into Mother's Day NOT seeing the extreme forced Mommy Worship that takes place annually on social media by my skids--the over-the-top wuv and kisses and hugs and gushing these two adult skids have done for years. It has always been so over-the-top that it comes off as dictated and disingenuine.  

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Failure to Launch

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BM worked hard to create mutual dependence between/among herself and the skids. The enmeshment with SD in particular has been like nothing I've seen. For years, I likened "BM's world" to a cocoon inhabited by the three of them. SS was at times an outlier, but it appears that he, now in his late 30s, has fully entered the fold. Like he's going backwards.

Update on DH

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I posted a little while back about DH, concerns about possible early signs of dementia or ADD, etc. He saw a doctor and was quickly diagnosed with ADD and OCD (the OCD dx surprised me). It was easier for DH to mention ADD to the dr rather than express concerns about dementia, so I don't think that ever came up. It's still a concern. At least he's open to looking at what's going on and doing something about it.  

This infuriates me

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When you have a crazy BM who has poured her poisonous crazy goo all over her kids, can you ever 100% free yourself of the toxic fumes? 

SD has apparently been whining to DH about driving 8-9 hours to watch 4 yo OGS play baseball next month. I normally don't give a crap about DH visiting; he doesn't go that often. But SD has 4 kids in her house, three under the age of 5, and she is anti-vax. And there's the measles outbreak in TX (apparently has spread to NM now). (SD is not in either state.) 

From Astronomer's post: Sister Wives

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Rumplestiltskin called it what it is: Sister Wives.  

Unfortunately, I know this well, because that is the situation the BM here wanted, all under the pretense of "what's best for the kids." When we put a stop to the nonsense, I was the one to be forever blamed for destroying "what's best for the kids." <EYEROLL>

The wanna-be sister wife warnings (feel free to add your own; it might save someone): 

BM's and SO's post-divorce enmeshment

O/T: ADD and/or Dementia--and overwhelmed

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The one (big) reason this might actually be "on" topic is that I have always wondered if DH's untreated ADD/ADHD has been a major reason for so many issues with his former family NOT being handled back in the day. We have been in a place for a while now where he has compartmentalized, and that has seemed to work. As you all know, he sees his kids offsite. I am fully disengaged. But I can't help wondering if he would have been thinking more clearly back in the day, some of the turmoil and suffering would have been alleviated.  

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Skids as BM’s soldiers—Cutting off the head of the snake and finding peace

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Initially, BM came on way too strong with me, acting like we’d be sister wives or something. It was creepy—she had no boundaries. She tried to rope me into keeping secrets from DH, as if my loyalty would be to her, not him. I had recognized for some time that she was about control and manipulation, but had no idea what was coming once we married. 

When PAS'ing backfires in the long run

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BM started with parental alienation syndrome within 6 months of our marriage (several years ago). She initially hoped that her punishment would get us "in line" with how she wanted things to be (apparently, she would be Wife #1 and I would take the backseat, while DH would cater to "the family"), but the opposite occurred: we set boundaries and were determined to have a decent life together without toxic interference. It was not easy.

My holidays in verse a la Almost Gone & Elea

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Silent Night
Happy Night
All was calm
All was bright  

Skids were with cult-mommy
bundled up warm
DH and I were here
Free from their storm

We slept in heavenly peace
Oh, we slept in heavenly peace

Silent Night
Wonderful Night
All was quiet
All was nice

No glazed-over looks
when I tried talking
No rude behavior
or video (for BM stalking)

We slept in non-toxic peace
Oh, yea, we slept in non-toxic peace

Silent Night
Happy Night
All was calm
All was right

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