I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 reflecting back on my steplife as I read the posts.

Parity was my stepparent religion.  Our kids were close in age & once we were all living here, parity seemed the wisest policy to prevent jealousy & envy.  At Christmas, I not only spent the same on each but made sure each had the same number of gifts to open.  I spent the same amount on birthdays and school clothes.  As they reached driving age, we handled each the same.  Lather, rinse, repeat for everything.

Im the mature BM & SM of 5 flashing back as i read the posts.  I wanted to talk about something all of us dread:  adult kids moving back in.

DH always liked the idea of having a spare room "in case".  He felt he hadn't had much family support and wanted to be able to offer that.  Four of our five kids have moved back in at one time or another.  The bottom line is each case is different.

The recent blogs about hellish vacations have reminded me of mine.  Back on the '70s, i naively thought it would be a good idea to plan a vacation for all 7 of us.  I booked a big cabin at a nearby lake.  DH's friend generously offered to lend his outboard motor boat.

We packed our van & took off.  I can't remember what the 3 boys were doing in back (these were pre-carseat days) but whatever it was, DH was incensed.  He yelled at them half the way there.

I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 reliving my steplife as I read the posts.  Many of you have mini-wives, i have one, too.  Only difference is mine is 58 years old.  This is a cautionary tale about how that dynamic can end up.

DH & SD were always close.  She was his first, looked like him & is his only daughter.  They bonded more closely when BM left.

I'm the 75-year old BM & SM of 5.  I've written about what worked & didn't work to get us to the end of the SP tunnel.  But the one thing that consumed most of my headspace was my jealousy & hatred of BM.

I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 who reads the posts & remembers my traumatic steplife.  I've shared what worked to get us to the end of the tunnel.  Here's what didn't work.

Mother's Day can be an emotional minefield for step-moms.  I'm the 75-year old BM & SM of 5 who is thinking back over my steplife as I read the blogs & forums.

Alright here it goes. First I'll give you the players in this game and some background info. This might help with some advice I'm needing. 
Me: 39 yo mother of 2. My daughter is 21 and lives on her own. Self employed, independent, overall a joy to be around. 
My son is 20. Joined the National Guard at 18, has one daughter who is 1, and another baby on the way. He lives a state over with his gf. 

I'm the 75-year old BM & SM of 5 who suffers flashbacks as I read the blogs & forums.  We made it to the end of the tunnel & I wanted to share what worked as we coped with the day-to-day chaos.

1)  Counseling, the best money I ever spent.  Takeaways: assertiveness, engagement & more one-on-one time with DH. This is contrary to the often-recommended disengagement but in those days, I needed to step up to my family role.  As DH & I spent more time together, we became "deeper than dirt" as we shared our kids' issues.

I am  75 yo SM who has been reading the blogs & forums.  I want to tell all the traumatized SPs out there that it CAN sometimes work out & you CAN sometimes get thru all the issues & have happy years with your dear spouse.