my girlfriend and her daughter (almost 5 yr old) have been living with me for about two years. her daughter and i are super close and i love her like she's my very own- but with that i think i've started to hurt my own feelings.
her father has been in and out of rehab 4-5 times in these two yrs, and is not consistently in his daughters life. i have always spoken positively about him. she is extremely attached to him and favors him a great deal.likely from abandonment issues.
as of her most recent visit with him (supervised by his parents), she's been extra defiant throws crazy tantrums frequently, talks like a baby bc he talks like a baby to her, and she purposefully excludes me/ tries to hurt my feelings. for example when i say i love you, she responds i love my daddy. i used to playfully call her bestie and she loved it but now she says you are not my bestie my daddy is my bestie. small comments, but constantly.
she doesn't listen to us anymore constantly acts up and when we correct her she says "y'all are so rude and disgusting. my daddy said you can't be mean to me." she had been calling me momma from time to time- which is heartwarming but i would never pressure her to. and since seeing him she's been saying "you can't have two mommies, it would work better with 1 mommy and 1 daddy." obviously he's been feeding a 4 yr old his opinions.
i know she's too young to understand i am not replacing her father, and i am not the reason her father is barely in her life. but the shift makes me so emotional i feel like it's pushed us apart. it seems to instigate it when we try to explain so i just ignore it. but all day every day i have to hear daddy this daddy that it makes me want to cry and scream bc her dad is truly just not a good person, not a good dad. he chose drugs over his daughter but in her eyes of course he's perfect. he doesn't know how to be a parent he just buys her a bunch of bullshit toys to win her over (but does not contribute one bit financially).
it makes me sad bc i have always wanted to be a mom. it felt like it from day one. and now with the new constant verbal rejection i realize i'll always be described as lesser than mommy and daddy. and i'll never have the experience of my baby calling me mommy and loving me unconditionally.