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Whats that book? Go the F to bed?

Sgray04's picture

Hey Guys,


Im new here, though im not new to the Step Parent role.

I'm going on my fourth year as a step parent with a 9 year old step daughter and 11 year old step son.

We have the kids Every weekend. Usually Friday - Monday, and During Holiday breaks everything is spilt evenly, so we are pretty much 50/50 custody.


Can someone catch me up on some of the acromnyms im seeing here? Obviously SO/SD/SS are pretty clear.

Still unsure on DH, DD and some others ive seen frequently.


Anyways, I joined today after referenicng this website several times during my moments of weakness and feeling defeated as a SM.

I think blogging and inquirying to like minded people will help me develop and overcome some of the challeneges ive been dealing with.


After reading blogs of others, its pretty clear the issues im going to talk about today are universal and not uncommon.


And so today im looking for advice on Bedtime.


1) BEDTIME. Bed time is always an issue in our house.

Surpirisingly, bedtime is usually only an issue with our oldest - 11 Year old son.

In short, hes a momma's boy - and when hes here with daddy, he expects to be babied. (Sorry charlie, we dont baby in this house.) My 3 year old niece lives with my and even she doesnt get babied, heck, im convinced shes less of a baby than him! LOL - Anyway,  Crys at bedtime, and never fails to guilt trip his dad for not "Sleeping with him." When i first met my SO, they kids were 7 & 6, he lived in a 1 bedroom apartment, so when they stayed the night, they all slept togther. Over the years, weve always struggled with this dependancy. Obviously when i entered the picture, we moved into a 3 bedroom home and gave the option to the kids to have their own rooms (I wanted them to, but my SS wasnt ready to be alone.) Clearly, he still struggles. Its too the point of daddy having to scorn them (Well, him primarily) and leave the bedroom furiously every night because of the circus, guilt trip that he deals with nightly. I usually am sitting in the other room, hearing it all, not sure what to do.  I stay out of it because i feel it isnt my place to interject, but the nightly routine and the fact that my SO always feels guilty and angry by the end of it needs to stop. I just dont know how to help. Obvioulsy it causes issues because when he comes to bed hes all pissed off, and now i get the brunt of it (Thats not the warm and fuzzy feelings you would hope to get when laying in bed with your SO.)


I see this pattern in a lot of other situations (With my SS trying to guilt his dad) which always works, because it breaks my SO's heart. (Dont get me wrong, my SO is a strong, rooted man with good morals and values. But a sons love sure can break a man) I signficantly blame their mother, but thats a whole other can of worms, she is your classic alienizing crazy, jealous ex wife. Who has spent countless hours coddling and trying to convince the kids their dad isnt a good father. (He is the best father i have ever met, and thats one of the very reasons i love him.)

Even if theres not fix for this, obviously certain things dont just change over night. I'd love to hear others opionins and expieriences with a simular situaution.



TrueNorth77's picture


The fact that your SO is spending that amount of time in your SS's room is why this little routine continues to happen. SS is getting his Dad's attention, one way or another. It is frankly ridiculous that an 11yr old is behaving this way, but he's getting the desired results, so as long as that keeps happening, I don't see this stopping. Your SO needs to put the guilt aside, tell SS goodnight and give him a hug, and then leave the room, period. No amount of crying, yelling, or guilt trips should make your SO stay in that room, and SS should not be allowed to come back out and start the shenanigans again. He's 11, he will get over it once he sees it's not working, but your SO needs to stop enabling it and put an end to it.

My SS12 and SD9 don't act anything like this. It's a goodnight, hug (from SD, not SS), and they're both off to bed without a complaint. I agree with the point above that SS should never have been given an option about his own room...sometimes independence needs to be "nudged" on skids, they don't always choose that route on their own.

DH- Dear Husband

DD- Dear Daughter