Gosh where do I start. So I've been with my partner for 2.5 years now, living together for 1.5 years. I met his 4 nearly 5 year old daughter around 6 months into our relationship, so really early on. She doesn't live with us, generally stays for 1-2 days at the weekend every week and extra during school holidays. He has a son who he hasn't seen for the full duration of our relationship (he'd last seen him before we met so nothing to do with me). Should also mention he had a vasectomy when his baby momma was pregnant with his daughter because he didn't want anymore kids, so it's really important to me that if I'm sacrificing having any kids of my own, that this relationship works and I have a strong relationship with his daughter and hopefully someday his son.
I'm just starting to really struggle these days. I really want a kid of my own and it's becoming hard knowing i can't with my partner. And it's so hard seeing him be such an involved parent to his daughter and knowing I'm not part of this. I'm reminded in arguments that she's HIS daughter, that I would know things if I had kids of my own, that he knows best etc etc. It's frustrating.
I do all the boring "parent" jobs, collecting and dropping off, cooking, cleaning, bathing, running around and he gets cuddles and kisses, bedtime stories and playtimes. She sees him as God and I'm just the one who does everything else without thanks. Her manners are atrocious by the way. Demanding, never says please and thank you, expects the world on a plate to her but this is because of him. It's how he treats her. Like an absolute princess. I've made a point of saying he's spoiling her and needs to chill a little. She's starting to dislike me I can tell because I'm the one saying no to things. I'm the one regulating sugar because she's so hyperactive all the time, making sure she sticks to routine and gets to bed on time, I'm the one saying we can't go bowling every week because we can't afford it. He will literally cancel a household bill to take her to the cinema, or not pay rent so he can buy her really expensive birthday presents. Cancel a work shift so he can pick her up for extra visits.
I just feel he's overcompensating and going a little over the top. She's becoming really needy and clingy over the last few weeks and so is he. He gets depressed when she goes home. Kisses her when he leaves the room to go to the toilet. Wants to sleep in her bed and have cuddles all the time. He's only stopped bathing with her over the last 6 months or so because his friend said it was weird. Some will no doubt say I'm jealous and yes part of me is because I see how much he adores her and how much love he can give to a person and he can't show this with me. And it's not when she's here, it's when it's just the 2 of us too. Part of me feels he doesn't have the space in his heart for a girlfriend. I just want us to be a happy little family, I'd love to meet his son and I'd love us to be able to have a child of my own with him because he cares so much for her, but he is spoiling her and I feel it's just having a negative effect on her and him. He's obsessed. Would actually quit his job to move across the road from her. I say how would he support her and he's just like "I'd find a way". His head is in the clouds. I need someone responsible and some stability and I'm thinking maybe this isn't for me. Even though I love him and can't imagine being without him, it just seems to be getting harder.
Sorry for the length of this, it's my first one and I have a lot to get off my chest!! Appreciate help xx