I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 who reads the posts & remembers my traumatic steplife. I've shared what worked to get us to the end of the tunnel. Here's what didn't work.
Mother's Day can be an emotional minefield for step-moms. I'm the 75-year old BM & SM of 5 who is thinking back over my steplife as I read the blogs & forums.
Alright here it goes. First I'll give you the players in this game and some background info. This might help with some advice I'm needing.
Me: 39 yo mother of 2. My daughter is 21 and lives on her own. Self employed, independent, overall a joy to be around.
My son is 20. Joined the National Guard at 18, has one daughter who is 1, and another baby on the way. He lives a state over with his gf.
I'm the 75-year old BM & SM of 5 who suffers flashbacks as I read the blogs & forums. We made it to the end of the tunnel & I wanted to share what worked as we coped with the day-to-day chaos.
1) Counseling, the best money I ever spent. Takeaways: assertiveness, engagement & more one-on-one time with DH. This is contrary to the often-recommended disengagement but in those days, I needed to step up to my family role. As DH & I spent more time together, we became "deeper than dirt" as we shared our kids' issues.
I am 75 yo SM who has been reading the blogs & forums. I want to tell all the traumatized SPs out there that it CAN sometimes work out & you CAN sometimes get thru all the issues & have happy years with your dear spouse.
Hello I'm new here. I met my now husband 12 years ago. At the time he had one son and him and his ex had just split up when we met. We dated and I got pregnant from him after a few months. He left me and got back with his ex without saying anything I found out because he wouldn't answer my calls. I went through the pregnancy on my own. He never called us. When my son was 2 him and his ex broke up even though they had another son together who was a few months old. He then contacted me out of the blue wanting to finally be involved with my son.
So SS5 is visiting for 10 days while he's on Fall break. Last time he was here it was for 2 and a half months over the summer so the 10 days shouldn't seem like a big deal. But this time I have a 7 week old newborn daughter and my husband doesn't have off of work. My mother-in-law is here to take care of SS while DH is at work, but I still just want the house to myself so I can focus on my daughter. She's an absolute delight, not fussy, and is almost sleeping through the night, so it's not that I couldn't handle SS and my baby girl, but I really just want alone time with her.
My SO's daughter, 10, has ADD and a lot of anxiety and it has taken us a full year to wean her off of spending any part of the night needing our comfort. We got her a sound machine for ambient noise and previously we (my SO or I) would have to sit on the floor in her room until she falls asleep, or she would start the night falling next to us on the couch and we'd carry her to bed, etc. We worked really hard on meditation and techniques to help her fall asleep on her own. We got down to a pretty good routine of my s.o.
So I'm doing my casual late-night Facebook scrolling when I see a post by someone I don't know. I'm one of those people that unless I've met you, I will not accept your friend request. So I clicked on the profile to figure out who it was. It turns out that it's SS's grandmother (BMs mom). I'm not sure when or how we became fb friends, but curiosity got the better of me and I started scrolling down her feed. She doesn't post much and everything she does post is about SS, but most of her stuff was from 4 years ago back when SS was just a baby.
*lol*I can’t do this constant push pull effect with DH anymore concerning my SD. I’m exhausted, I’ve done so much for him and SD and get no appreciation for any of it. I know I know, SMs are the most under appreciated women and I shouldn’t expect to get a Thank you. However, it would feel great to hear my DH or someone say I SEE YOU. He takes everything out on me that he should have been giving to BM. Every time I say something to DH about SDs behavior or I try and correct it, he acts like I have no business saying anything and that I’m the blame for the drama.