Hello I'm new here. I met my now husband 12 years ago. At the time he had one son and him and his ex had just split up when we met. We dated and I got pregnant from him after a few months. He left me and got back with his ex without saying anything I found out because he wouldn't answer my calls. I went through the pregnancy on my own. He never called us. When my son was 2 him and his ex broke up even though they had another son together who was a few months old. He then contacted me out of the blue wanting to finally be involved with my son.
So SS5 is visiting for 10 days while he's on Fall break. Last time he was here it was for 2 and a half months over the summer so the 10 days shouldn't seem like a big deal. But this time I have a 7 week old newborn daughter and my husband doesn't have off of work. My mother-in-law is here to take care of SS while DH is at work, but I still just want the house to myself so I can focus on my daughter. She's an absolute delight, not fussy, and is almost sleeping through the night, so it's not that I couldn't handle SS and my baby girl, but I really just want alone time with her.
My SO's daughter, 10, has ADD and a lot of anxiety and it has taken us a full year to wean her off of spending any part of the night needing our comfort. We got her a sound machine for ambient noise and previously we (my SO or I) would have to sit on the floor in her room until she falls asleep, or she would start the night falling next to us on the couch and we'd carry her to bed, etc. We worked really hard on meditation and techniques to help her fall asleep on her own. We got down to a pretty good routine of my s.o.
So I'm doing my casual late-night Facebook scrolling when I see a post by someone I don't know. I'm one of those people that unless I've met you, I will not accept your friend request. So I clicked on the profile to figure out who it was. It turns out that it's SS's grandmother (BMs mom). I'm not sure when or how we became fb friends, but curiosity got the better of me and I started scrolling down her feed. She doesn't post much and everything she does post is about SS, but most of her stuff was from 4 years ago back when SS was just a baby.
*lol*I can’t do this constant push pull effect with DH anymore concerning my SD. I’m exhausted, I’ve done so much for him and SD and get no appreciation for any of it. I know I know, SMs are the most under appreciated women and I shouldn’t expect to get a Thank you. However, it would feel great to hear my DH or someone say I SEE YOU. He takes everything out on me that he should have been giving to BM. Every time I say something to DH about SDs behavior or I try and correct it, he acts like I have no business saying anything and that I’m the blame for the drama.
I am writing this in hopes that someone else is either going through this or has successfully gone through this. I'm really wanting to learn how to like my SS but it is so hard.
This is my first time on a stepparent forum but I have no friends or support system who understand the difficulties of being a SM. I have a 9 y/o SS and I’ve been with his dad since he was 3. His dad and i are now married with our own child. SS’s dad has always had partial custody (every other weekend and holidays), so it’s never really felt like there’s much structure when SS is with us... it’s like our house turns into a fun zone for him and my husband is wanting him to not be bored.
So my disengagement is going well....so far. Anyway I wanted to ask advice on bio mom behaviors. For fathers day of 2018 bio mom dropped skids off with a homemade fathers day card (from her, no kids present on card) and said it's tradition.....?? Oldest kid when I started dating DH was not even 2 yet.... how much of a tradition is it really??!
So the first time I had the skids back around for Christmas was something that was giving me bad anxiety for weeks before it happened, BUT I stuck to what I said to DH and just completely backed off from parenting his terrorists. If I saw him struggling I would help him every once in a while out if the kindness of my heart, but the majority of the time I just hung out with my daughter and laughed internally as his kids threw fits all up and down the house and wouldn't listen to a word he said. Now I think he's starting to realize what a pain in the ass his kids are!!!!
I feel the need to remind myself daily that I am a very successful, fun, and helpful person that people like and care about. All of these things are true. I have an amazing job where I get to make good money and work from my home daily. My laundry is always done, we have homecooked meals every night, and I get to work in my pajamas. This is any working mother's dream! So why do I feel anxious and depressed all the time? My oldest son is 16. He is 6'4", athletic and kind. My oldest daughter is 14, smart and loving (with a sprinkle of sass).