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The Light at the End of the Tunnel: Mini-wife Fate

JRI's picture

I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 reliving my steplife as I read the posts.  Many of you have mini-wives, i have one, too.  Only difference is mine is 58 years old.  This is a cautionary tale about how that dynamic can end up.

DH & SD were always close.  She was his first, looked like him & is his only daughter.  They bonded more closely when BM left.



KendraKae's picture

Alright here it goes. First I'll give you the players in this game and some background info. This might help with some advice I'm needing. 
Me: 39 yo mother of 2. My daughter is 21 and lives on her own. Self employed, independent, overall a joy to be around. 
My son is 20. Joined the National Guard at 18, has one daughter who is 1, and another baby on the way. He lives a state over with his gf. 


The Light at the End of the Tunnel: What Worked

JRI's picture

I'm the 75-year old BM & SM of 5 who suffers flashbacks as I read the blogs & forums.  We made it to the end of the tunnel & I wanted to share what worked as we coped with the day-to-day chaos.

1)  Counseling, the best money I ever spent.  Takeaways: assertiveness, engagement & more one-on-one time with DH. This is contrary to the often-recommended disengagement but in those days, I needed to step up to my family role.  As DH & I spent more time together, we became "deeper than dirt" as we shared our kids' issues.


Help ME

HelpMeStepParent's picture

Hello I'm new here. I met my now husband 12 years ago. At the time he had one son and him and his ex had just split up when we met. We dated and I got pregnant from him after a few months. He left me and got back with his ex without saying anything I found out because he wouldn't answer my calls. I went through the pregnancy on my own. He never called us. When my son was 2 him and his ex broke up even though they had another son together who was a few months old. He then contacted me out of the blue wanting to finally be involved with my son.


Does it ever get better?

Jordan3312's picture

So SS5 is visiting for 10 days while he's on Fall break. Last time he was here it was for 2 and a half months over the summer so the 10 days shouldn't seem like a big deal. But this time I have a 7 week old newborn daughter and my husband doesn't have off of work. My mother-in-law is here to take care of SS while DH is at work, but I still just want the house to myself so I can focus on my daughter. She's an absolute delight, not fussy, and is almost sleeping through the night, so it's not that I couldn't handle SS and my baby girl, but I really just want alone time with her.


BM breaks our bedtime routine and undoes our progress

Ap1234's picture

My SO's daughter, 10, has ADD and a lot of anxiety and it has taken us a full year to wean her off of spending any part of the night needing our comfort. We got her a sound machine for ambient noise and previously we (my SO or I) would have to sit on the floor in her room until she falls asleep, or she would start the night falling next to us on the couch and we'd carry her to bed, etc. We worked really hard on meditation and techniques to help her fall asleep on her own. We got down to a pretty good routine of my s.o.