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JRI's Blog

SD61's coping skills

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SD61 was here today.  For any newbies, this is my manipulative, sneaky, lying, thieving SD.  She's on disability and we supplement her living expense ELSEWHERE.

She was telling us her various adventures and the overall message is her coping skills are getting stronger.   A recent outage left her without electricity and "I didn't call Dad begging to come over and stay".  Her AC is out in her car but she's not asking to have it fixed, said she's ok.  Several other examples.

What to do for Mother's Day

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I think Mother's Day is one of the year's most difficult for stepmoms.  We all know the drill, unappreciative SKs, clueless DHs, our hurt feelings.

Here's what to do now, over a week ahead.  Plan what makes you happy, assemble or buy a great outfit, buy the food you like.  We can't change how others respond but we can take care of our precious selves.

In the perfect world, our SKs would demonstrate their appreciation, and our DHs would make sure the day went well.  Til the perfect world comes, take care of you.

Happy Mother's Day.

OT - How did she do it?

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Mom99 and I were reviewing some genealogy material today.  My great-grandmother had 11, yes eleven, children, one every two years like clockwork starting in 1898.  Nine survived.  I am stunned, how did people do it back in the day?  I was just barely hanging on with my 2 and DH's 3.

My great-gps were just regular people, farmers, low income.  How in the world did they do it?

Flashbacks and triggers

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I'm wondering why some things cause us flashbacks and triggers.  I am assembling a scrapbook of Mom's pictures for her 100th bday party.  So, I've been going through my many family pictures and can hardly stand it.  Her pictures and our family pictures are all mixed together and I can only take about 15 minutes at a time.

It's similar to the feeling when I get home from visiting someone in the hospital.  I'm wiped out, start drinking wine and feel exhausted.  I ask myself, what's so tiring, all I did was sit in a chair for half an hour.

Need your wise advice

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You've all heard me rant about my SD61.  Emotional, high-maintenance, lying, manipulative.  I am trying to stay gray-rocked and detached.

She has 2 daughters, C & M.  Her relationship with M has been tenuous, I dont want to know the details altho she drained M"s college fund forcing M to take out student loans for her teaching education, for a starter.  I try to have my own individual relationships with C & M without criticizing SD.   

SD Christmas Party Shocker

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SD61wisely (I don't usually use that word with her) rescheduled her Christmas party for a week due to sub-zero temps last week.  I've been dreading it all week but we went tonight and SHOCKER, everything went well!

We were told "4:00 on" but DH85 took a late nap and told me to wake him at 4.  I could tell he was dragging his feet and I was sure not in any hurry.  He called her and she urged us to get over there.

Are the holidays difficult for you?

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December is far and away my most difficult month.  The stepdrama is increased thousand-fold and for so many years, I did way too much.

Whenever I confide this to people, they often seem so relieved to share they feel the same.  I think we are socialized to show happiness, no matter the emotional, financial or workload stress.  Of course, there are also people who enjoy the holidays, thank goodness.

So, please share how you feel about the holidays.  And, may we all get thru it peacefully.