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JRI's Blog

OT - How did she do it?

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Mom99 and I were reviewing some genealogy material today.  My great-grandmother had 11, yes eleven, children, one every two years like clockwork starting in 1898.  Nine survived.  I am stunned, how did people do it back in the day?  I was just barely hanging on with my 2 and DH's 3.

My great-gps were just regular people, farmers, low income.  How in the world did they do it?

Flashbacks and triggers

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I'm wondering why some things cause us flashbacks and triggers.  I am assembling a scrapbook of Mom's pictures for her 100th bday party.  So, I've been going through my many family pictures and can hardly stand it.  Her pictures and our family pictures are all mixed together and I can only take about 15 minutes at a time.

It's similar to the feeling when I get home from visiting someone in the hospital.  I'm wiped out, start drinking wine and feel exhausted.  I ask myself, what's so tiring, all I did was sit in a chair for half an hour.

Need your wise advice

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You've all heard me rant about my SD61.  Emotional, high-maintenance, lying, manipulative.  I am trying to stay gray-rocked and detached.

She has 2 daughters, C & M.  Her relationship with M has been tenuous, I dont want to know the details altho she drained M"s college fund forcing M to take out student loans for her teaching education, for a starter.  I try to have my own individual relationships with C & M without criticizing SD.   

SD Christmas Party Shocker

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SD61wisely (I don't usually use that word with her) rescheduled her Christmas party for a week due to sub-zero temps last week.  I've been dreading it all week but we went tonight and SHOCKER, everything went well!

We were told "4:00 on" but DH85 took a late nap and told me to wake him at 4.  I could tell he was dragging his feet and I was sure not in any hurry.  He called her and she urged us to get over there.

Are the holidays difficult for you?

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December is far and away my most difficult month.  The stepdrama is increased thousand-fold and for so many years, I did way too much.

Whenever I confide this to people, they often seem so relieved to share they feel the same.  I think we are socialized to show happiness, no matter the emotional, financial or workload stress.  Of course, there are also people who enjoy the holidays, thank goodness.

So, please share how you feel about the holidays.  And, may we all get thru it peacefully.

Christmas Party, part 2

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SD61 was here today to cut DH's hair.  She was stressing about the food for her Christmas party next week.  She had an elaborate chicken, mashed potato, green bean casserole + more menu she was stressing about.  I suggested the open house format which she'd already adopted and discussed the number of guests, now up to 17.  She had been talking about setting up a table for people to sit down and eat but there will be no room.

Christmas party

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I had hoped to evade any big Christmas get togethers, like we did in the covid years.  In those years, we saw the in-town family a little at a time and I mailed the gift cash to the others.  Best of all, little Christmas drama from SD61.

Good SD61 News

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Everybody has heard about my dysfunctional SD61 who drives me nuts.  She's disabled and we help support her.   Well, today, she called and I got some good news.  I'm allowing for her lying, manipulation and misunderstanding but.....

Here comes trouble

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My YSS55 and I have an arms-length relationship, civil and polite but that's about it.  He lives out of town and has been separated from his wife for several years altho they arent divorced.  He's an excellent father to 3 daughters and the youngest, 14yo, lives with him.  The 2 older ones live elsewhere and are launched.

OT: Gifts for Older Adults

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This is a public service announcement for anybody wondering what to give an older parent or grandparent.  DH85 and I(77) still live independently in a middle class suburb.  We already have all the things we need or want and, actually, are trying to divest some of it.  I know we are hard to buy for but here are some ideas: