I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 reflecting back on my steplife as I read the posts.
Parity was my stepparent religion. Our kids were close in age & once we were all living here, parity seemed the wisest policy to prevent jealousy & envy. At Christmas, I not only spent the same on each but made sure each had the same number of gifts to open. I spent the same amount on birthdays and school clothes. As they reached driving age, we handled each the same. Lather, rinse, repeat for everything.
Im the 74yo SM of SD58 who we subsidize after a 10- month residence with us where we were terrorized by her drug use, lying, stealing, manipulation and night creeping. Part of the deal is that her car insurance is charged to our credit card and she reimburses me in cash for it monthly. This is working ok altho I don't know if the money she hands me is hers or 83yo DH's but I don't care since he and I separated finances. She has no credit.
Im the mature BM & SM of 5 flashing back as i read the posts. I wanted to talk about something all of us dread: adult kids moving back in.
DH always liked the idea of having a spare room "in case". He felt he hadn't had much family support and wanted to be able to offer that. Four of our five kids have moved back in at one time or another. The bottom line is each case is different.
The recent blogs about hellish vacations have reminded me of mine. Back on the '70s, i naively thought it would be a good idea to plan a vacation for all 7 of us. I booked a big cabin at a nearby lake. DH's friend generously offered to lend his outboard motor boat.
We packed our van & took off. I can't remember what the 3 boys were doing in back (these were pre-carseat days) but whatever it was, DH was incensed. He yelled at them half the way there.
I think my SD is the undisputed queen of the universe when it comes to emotional blackmail but she might be missing a few nuggets. Let me know if you have any more.
The bank messed up my account again, Dad.
The doctor says stress is bad for me, Dad.
Everybody hates me, Dad.
It seems like I can't get a break, Dad.
I promise I'll pay you back, Dad.
The electric company is going to turn off my electric, Dad.
My depression is so bad, Dad.
I'm the veteran BM & SM who remembers steplife with 5 kids as I read the blogs & forums. We came out on the other side. but I remember those hellacious summers.
I would start to get more depressed every spring as it got closer to school closing. The SK would be here almost all summer long. They would go back on Tuesday evening (karate class) & come back Thursday night (after karate class). Our house is not big & at that point we hadn't added the space we did once tbey moved in full-time.
I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 reliving my steplife as I read the posts. Many of you have mini-wives, i have one, too. Only difference is mine is 58 years old. This is a cautionary tale about how that dynamic can end up.
DH & SD were always close. She was his first, looked like him & is his only daughter. They bonded more closely when BM left.
I'm the 75-year old BM & SM of 5. I've written about what worked & didn't work to get us to the end of the SP tunnel. But the one thing that consumed most of my headspace was my jealousy & hatred of BM.
I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 who reads the posts & remembers my traumatic steplife. I've shared what worked to get us to the end of the tunnel. Here's what didn't work.
I'm the 75-year old BM & SM of 5 who reads the blogs & forums & flashes back. I've been thinking about the young step-parents out there.
This is such a rough financial time for many people. You might be making difficult decisions: should I pay this or that first? What happens if I don't pay this at all? Can i substitute this for that? What will (somebody) think if i do this? Will this have a lasting effect? You'll be making hundreds of these decisions, large & small.