My DH and would like some advice in regards to my SD's visitation for holidays. 

My SD is sweet and loving and caring and optimistic. She has had behavioral issues (defacating and urinating on herself, lying, extreme attention-seeking behaviors), but I know that it stems from her parenting and I really don't blame her for it. I know logically that her birth is not her fault. I know rationally that she has done nothing wrong. Sure, she's snuck snacks and used my makeup and lied about it- that's annoying, but typical for a kid! She hasn't done anything that's atypical for an 8yo kid. Honestly compared to most kids she's truly amazing.

I have no problems with SD. No problems at all. I like it this way. I achieve this by having absolutely nothing to do with her! I have her number blocked and her FB blocked. I don't go anywhere she might be. I don't invite her to anything. This is the only way that I've found that keeps all the stress, drama, and gut wrenching mental pain away. If I have any interaction with her whatsoever there is a good chance it might get twisted around in some manipulative creative way that ends with me hurt and somehow looking like the bad guy.

She's 14. She's manipulative, bossy, bitchy, condescending, and most of all, a know-it-all. I'll make a meal and she will ruin the evening by making it all about how I should have asked her what she would or wouldn't eat before making dinner. She will be snarky about my "cluelessness." When her father asks her to do her chores, she will try to micro manage and have authority over what gets done and how. She will fight hard to have the final word. She will scream and have a tantrum when you give any consequence.

SD whines for money and DH whines about the drive to get it to her, but not anymore. He gets paid to PayPal and has a PayPal debit card now. At some point he deposits what he's accumulated into our bank account to help pay the bills. Lately SD has been working with DH. So she then claims she can pay him back. When she works with him he gets the money for both their hours and then he pays her out of it. 

This is my first post--I just found StepTalk after searching for counseling. I am so excited to be here! And this is going to be a long post...

Backstory: 

Hey guys, Im H (25), brand new to this site, so not super familiar with the abbreviations but will try my best.

In short, met my current partner K (35) 6 months ago, at work. hes recently divorced from the Ex (34) (like 6 months prior, she was having an affair with a younger man and left K)

** I was on visa with my ex 'S', were good friends, relationship broke down but was definetly breaking the rules not declaring relationship was over to Dept of immi. **

Theyve got 2 kids D5, S10.

So with all the Covid-19 stuff going on, and my inability to leave my home lol, boredom has really struck me bad. I don't know how many of you guys' stepkids have their own rooms in your homes, well SD8 had hers here too. So here's the thing, DS is turning 7 months in about a week and DH and I decided that we wanted him to sleep in a separate room by the time he's 1. He's been really good at sleeping in his own crib and is very independent for his age. So due to all the boredom lol, I decided the "extra" room would no longer be kept as a shrine to DHs little princess any longer!

Why do these bitches continue to try to manipulate and control their ex's lives? We have this issue all the damn time, and then because I no longer allow her to have a say in "what goes or doesn't" in MY home, she starts bullshitting at my DH saying "why are you letting others fill your mind with crap" (me) LOL, bitch, it's crap that I don't allow my husband to continue kissing your ass? OK.

I was married for 23 years and had 4 daughters. My ex and I agreed on most of our parenting and they are all respectuful, responsible and appreciative of their upbringing and 3 have launched successfully on their own, our youngest BD is 23 and has just taken a break from school and has taken a full time job and lives with her Dad. I have been in a relationship for over 10 years and engage to my Fiancé for the past 6. HIs adult daughter 25 still lives with us.