This is my first post--I just found StepTalk after searching for counseling. I am so excited to be here! And this is going to be a long post...
Hey guys, Im H (25), brand new to this site, so not super familiar with the abbreviations but will try my best.
In short, met my current partner K (35) 6 months ago, at work. hes recently divorced from the Ex (34) (like 6 months prior, she was having an affair with a younger man and left K)
** I was on visa with my ex 'S', were good friends, relationship broke down but was definetly breaking the rules not declaring relationship was over to Dept of immi. **
Theyve got 2 kids D5, S10.
So with all the Covid-19 stuff going on, and my inability to leave my home lol, boredom has really struck me bad. I don't know how many of you guys' stepkids have their own rooms in your homes, well SD8 had hers here too. So here's the thing, DS is turning 7 months in about a week and DH and I decided that we wanted him to sleep in a separate room by the time he's 1. He's been really good at sleeping in his own crib and is very independent for his age. So due to all the boredom lol, I decided the "extra" room would no longer be kept as a shrine to DHs little princess any longer!
Why do these bitches continue to try to manipulate and control their ex's lives? We have this issue all the damn time, and then because I no longer allow her to have a say in "what goes or doesn't" in MY home, she starts bullshitting at my DH saying "why are you letting others fill your mind with crap" (me) LOL, bitch, it's crap that I don't allow my husband to continue kissing your ass? OK.
I was married for 23 years and had 4 daughters. My ex and I agreed on most of our parenting and they are all respectuful, responsible and appreciative of their upbringing and 3 have launched successfully on their own, our youngest BD is 23 and has just taken a break from school and has taken a full time job and lives with her Dad. I have been in a relationship for over 10 years and engage to my Fiancé for the past 6. HIs adult daughter 25 still lives with us.
I am feeling extra down today. I feel sorry for my SD13. She is with us for vacation and I’ve gotten used to only seeing her EOW. So I have put her issues out of my mind, gotten back to focusing on me and have been happier for it.
I think my disengagement is making progress and is finally getting easier to implement. I've always been one step ahead of SD16 and thought if DH would just listen to me then it could be worked out, but with me doing that I became too easy of a scapegoat which distracted away from her actual bad behavior and DH being able to ignore it. It never worked when I would pressure him to take action. Now I might bring something to his attention because I have to and because it's important, but after that I'm done with it. If DH chooses to talk to me about it I listen but don't add anything.
Ever since EX1 and EX2 and SD21 made their disagreement with us getting engaged be known, I've been on a mission: learning how to disengage from them and their drama and still hold onto my relationship. This sh*t is hard. We have broken up in the past due to this drama with them. FH has a tendency to run when it gets tough because that's all he's ever done. But he doesn't want to continue that behavior and he also doesn't want to let them dictate anything we do. He wants me by his side at every event, even if they don't like it.
How many of you who had your skid around when they were younger, but now only have them EOW or just holidays, feel a tinge of sadness when you see how much the child continues to grow into a mini version of BM?
I do. At least today I do.
I’m not really talking about PAS. I’m talking about that potential to be a self-confident, creative individual being snuffed out by BM’s unending influence.
My sd who went to live with her biohag is STILL verbally targeting me. She emails my dh, calling me YOUR WIFE, talking about how horrible I am etc etc. She is turning 18, she is the one who left our home and ran to bm's and is now working at mcdonalds having to help bm pay her bills. My dh tries not to show me these emails, but it's hard not to see it when he's in bed next to you going through his email. This girl, (even though she is now 18 i will use the word girl because she has the mentality of a 14 year old) from day 1 was a living nightmare.