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My stepdaughter loves drama and sucks the joy out of everything

Brit needs advice's picture

She's 14. She's manipulative, bossy, bitchy, condescending, and most of all, a know-it-all. I'll make a meal and she will ruin the evening by making it all about how I should have asked her what she would or wouldn't eat before making dinner. She will be snarky about my "cluelessness." When her father asks her to do her chores, she will try to micro manage and have authority over what gets done and how. She will fight hard to have the final word. She will scream and have a tantrum when you give any consequence. When I take her shopping, she has an entitled attitude and never says thank you. When she apologizes for rudeness hours later (that's if we get an apology), it always comes off as inauthentic. She tries to soften her voice and talk like a baby as she kind of says sorry. Next day - she goes back to trying to defend her actions.

I tried to be the mother she needed, but her bio mom did enough damage and no one - not even I can help this kid. She doesn't want to be a nice person. She loves to judge people. She lives for it. We were all at her uncle's house one day for a baby bday, and when the adults were chatting, I brought up my opinion about something. She cuts in and tells me I'm wrong. I didn't ask for her opinion. Instead of me letting her win, I told her "this is my opinion. This is what I think." She looked at me like I'm the dumbest person in the world. She always does that when you mention something she doesn't agree with. 

I hate introducing her to people. She acts cold and better than thou. I'm so over it. Nowadays I don't blow up anymore because it breaks me apart, not her. She doesn't care how upset I get. There's a part of her that loves creating drama between her father and I. It feels like home to her, and im sorry about that, but im not interested in playing in that dynamic.

only her grandma defends her because they're both exactly the same judgmental person. Everyone else is tired of her awful energy.

she always makes depression an excuse, meanwhile, she's a spoiled entitled brat.

I can't wait to be as far away from her as possible. 
I just needed to say that out loud 


Naturelover's picture

Wow, so sorry to hear about your SD. How does your husband react when she acts this way? I know my girls have never liked their SD but they have never been like this with him. It sounds like she is a tough one to deal with and perhaps her dads involvement would help. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

At 14, she's old enough to cook a meal for the family. If she tries the excuse that she doesn't know how, her father can help and consider it a bonding experience. 

She is the direct result of poor parenting. Her father needs to step up NOW. You disengage and grey rock.

missgingersnap2021's picture

Ha! My almost 18 year old Sd couldnt cook us a meal! And if I tried to make her DH wouldn't help. He would just take over and do it all hmself!

Rags's picture

take her shopping, cook for her, tolerate her crap, etc....

Why exactly?

Time to deliver the pure hell of a life of abject misery on her and continuallly highlight how much of an ill behaved POS she is.   Ultimately she either catches a clue or leaves forever.

Either way, you win and she is either gone or corrects her behavior.


shamds's picture

Meals we cook at home. Their mum can't cook and ss was the only one living with us so I cooked dinner and it was upto ss to eat it and hubby would tell him to eat some or leftovers were in the fridge

i got fedup the most with sd miniwives acting like aloha females and 3 visits in had enough and refused to attend any events or meet-ups they would be at. When you don't give them ammo or oxygen to pull their crap, they have that power taken away.

Ispofacto's picture

Killjoy is exactly like this.  Stop cooking when she is there, and never take her shopping.  Also decline to eat at the same table as her.

You won't be rid of her when she is 18, she'll be a thorn in your side for a long time.