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Virtual Learning Out of State

Seriously7's picture

Question - stepdaughter lives in another state and school starts back next week. She is coming to stay with us for at least a couple weeks. Husband said it's ok because she's doing virtual learning so does not need to be at school. I'm kind of thinking the intention of virtual learning isn't so that you can take a "vacation" out of state. I thought it was tonprevent the spread of coronavirus. Am I wrong? I just feel like the virtual learning is being taken advantage of. In addition to this, I've been working from home much more since covid began so I'm a bit worried about being in the house alone with my stepdaughter all day for weeks. My husband goes into work. I just want to see if I'm alone in my opinion.

justmakingthebest's picture

I mean, my kids dad lives across the country. If the are still distance learning come November I would consider letting them go out for 2-3 weeks instead of just Thanksgiving weekend. Same for Christmas break, if they are still remote and their dad/SM and the kids want to stay for an extra week or 2, I don't see any reason why they wouldn't be able to do the same things from the kitchen table there vs. the kitchen table here.

HOWEVER- this has to be something you are comfortable with. If you are working from home and your SD can't behave then that is a whole other issue. It is about your personal boundaries and his unrealistic expectations of you- not her school. 

tog redux's picture

I have a colleague whose son is coming up from where he lives out of state with his mother, and will be doing virtual learning from her state, while in our state.  The mother wants the child to live with my colleague, but this way, my colleague has the option of splitting time with the mother rather than having to take the kid all the time (our schools are going back in person, low covid rate).  He's not prepared to have full custody at this point.

I guess if the kid is doing their work, it doesn't make much difference where they are.

Dogmom1321's picture

I think the issue isn't virtual learning, but your DH. Why did he agree to have SD for 2 weeks, if he won't be home and will be at work? He should not have agreed with that without talking to you. 

ITB2012's picture

To help you when considering this. 

Like said before: can she handle herself all day? You should not have to watch her or push her to do her schooling. If your DH wants her there just to have her in his possession that's not a good reason.

My DS has transferred to a local college and could do it from home. But he got an apartment. He needs his own space. Just putting that out there that though he can handle himself and it wouldn't be an issue, it will be better if he's on his own both for him as a college student and from an exposure standpoint in case a class or two are in person. 

What about consistency and friends? If she's going to school near BM and her friends are there is that going to be a big issue, maybe not the first week but after that?

Swim_Mom's picture

Technically virtual learning can take place anywhere. But with her being there comes meals, laundry and her possibly irritating presence. Not saying you are cooking for her and doing her laundry - it's just there may be glasses left on tables, etc. that's how some kids are. How old is she? And most importantly - does she operate completely independently with her schoolwork? I have to say, I am thankful my kids are all teenagers/college students so I do not need to facilitate/help/nag in addition to my own work from home. If they were younger/less motivated/less independent I would be very worried about the fact their education is potentially being compromised and would feel the need to be very involved. Not the case with a Skid - would not care whether they were studying or gaming - not my problem. So if it would need to become yours, tell your DH NO or else give a disclaimer that her schoolwork will be entirely up to her. 

Seriously7's picture

She's 17. I think, like you said, it's more about me working from home with a teenager in the house that I'm not used to having in the house. Food, dishes, laundry, etc. I think it bothers me too that at her school they had a choice of virtual learning versus being in the classroom. I may be wrong but I just feel like they're not getting the same education as they would being in class. I get upset thinking she'll probably just surf the web, watch tv, and basically just hang out instead of really getting an education. I think I have to just let that go, My husband doesn't care if she's getting an education, why should I? I just don't want to see it. It stresses me out that he doesn't seem to care and just assumes she's a great student, super intelligent, doesn't need to study, etc. etc.

BethAnne's picture

If she doesn't care at 17 there is not much you can do about it. She is old enough to know what is at stake. As her Dad doesn't care either, there is even less that you can do. I would not engage with her learning and leave her to her own thing if she ends up staying with you. 

Rags's picture

The beauty of on-line/remote learning is that you can do it from anywhere in the world where you have connectivity.

I did my MBA online when I was an international project manager leading projects in the US, Europe and Asia.  At the time my DW was in night school finishing her undergrad which combined with my global work travel was why I chose on-line.

So.. I am of the mind that if your DH has the parental stones to ensure that his kid actually does the work.... educationally it makes no difference.  The Skid needs clarity up front that it is not vacation. She is in school and she will do the work under the hairy parental eyeball of her father. Her father needs to be the one to deliver that message.

IMHO of course.


Winterglow's picture

So, as virtual learning can be done no matter where she is, your husband can take her to work with him every day. She is there to see him, doing her school work beside him when he's working lets her do that. You have your own work to do and don't need to be taking care of her.