Considering Divorce Due to Emotional Pain
Has anyone considered divorce just because of your emotional pain? You have a good husband, good marriage, you love him, he loves you, treats you right for the most part, but just can't get past him having a child with another woman?
I'm childless myself although I've always wanted a family and I think this has affected me hugely in terms of jealousy, resentment, anger, etc. We've been "trying" for almost 5 years now and nothing. I've always felt more into it than I think he has. I've always attributed part of this to him having a daughter. It makes me beyond angry amd resentful that he could be so sefish as to deny me a family because he already has one. It kills me. The littlest things can trigger me and send me into a hole of despair. For example anytime he refers to "my daughter" it hurts my soul.
I don't want to leave him or the marriage. I want to leave the unbearable emotional pain the situation causes me. If we don't have a child I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. If he ends up with grandkids he loves and we don't even have a child it will kill me.
I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this. It's not his "fault" he has a child - his ex got pregnant while on birth control. Yeah, ok.
Would I be happier single for the rest of my life? At my age (41 now) if I leave the possibility of ever having my own family seems incredibly bleak. What are the chances of finding a man without a child and then what are the chances of having my own family? So I kind of feel like if I do leave, that's it for me.
Have you guys had infertility
Have you guys had infertility treatment? Considered adopting? When you say he is "denying you a family", what do you mean?
I'd suggest therapy before you throw in the towel on your marriage - infertility can be very painful and hard to deal with.
We've talked a little about
We've talked a little about adopting. At first he was against it but the longer we've been together he seems more open to it. The problem is we're both not getting any younger and he just doesn't seem into moving forward with adoption, embryo donation, foster to adopt, etc. Sometimes it feels as though he's dragging his feet and just waiting for "time to run out" and for me to be ok with being childless.
I fully understand the
I fully understand the emotional pain you speak of. I also think that you're right that he's just waiting for you to give up on the idea of children because as you say, he already has his. The situation you're in is not easy. I agree with others that before you throw in the towel you should get some counseling. That all said, you are not nearly too old to be able to find another love and peace. In fact, if you can't handle the current situation, now is the best time to leave.
HUN
BTDT. My ex pulled the ol switcharoo after we got married. We are no longer together. I am bioless and that ship has sailed. I am very sad about this.
You need to adress this NOW and decide on adoption, fertility drugs and so on.
Living this kind of regret has been very difficult.
I wish you fertility happiness. Do not let anymore time get away.
Infertility is painful. I
Infertility is painful. I understand your Hurtfulness and resentment. This has nothing to do with his daughter, but an empty feeling that you can't shake.
You have several choices. None of them will be easy. You can except that you will never have a child and move on. Try more fertility treatments. Or consider fostering or adopting. These choices will make it YOUR/OUR child and not "his daughter ".
If you choose to stay without a child of your own, can you get past this? Only you know what you can handle.
That's what I question.
That's what I question. Sometimes I feel like it's just a f***** up hand I've been dealt and that's life and I just need to learn how to be strong and cope with it and I think I can because I don't have a choice (in terms of easily getting pregnant). Other times I have emotional break downs and think the pain is too much to bear and I can't do it.
Sometimes I try to focus on the good things I have in my marriage and other times I don't know if the good outweighs the pain. The hard part is the only pain is in relation to infertility and being a stepmother. Everything else is pretty great.
If you want a child
Then you should get moving on it . First see a DR and get a work up. Get answers on your options are for a child.
If DH is dragging his feet. Get them moving. He has his child so he's mot motivated to have another one. You must move him on. See his true colors
What I am hearing is you want
What I am hearing is you want to be a mother and have a child of your own. You love your husband and he has a child from a past relationship. So you get busy and make it happen. Adopt a child. You would make a perfect candidate. Now is the time to do this while you are married. Don't get so hung up on other things just go for what you really want.
Lead the way
i get how devastated you feel right now - it’s a terrible situation to be in. But, listen to the other posters - this is important to you so you have to move the matter forward - it sounds like your husband will go along - but you will definitely have to lead the way. I find that the wife has to lead even when stepkids aren’t involved. Find out what your doctor recommends and start the steps. Frankly, this is one of those situations in life where time is of the essence. There is no changing the fact that your Husband already has a kid, being resentful of that is human and understandable but in the end analysis it has no bearing on you and your desire to have your own.
Infertility and a biological
Infertility and a biological clock can drive any woman crazy. I was furious that trashy BM popped out kids like candy & I waited until I was married and stable and wasn't able to get pregnant. It plays havoc with your mind and your relationship. Talk to a fertility specialist - DS19 took 2.5 years to make but was worth it.
Please see a counselor for yourself - especially before you make any major decisions. Looking back, I was not the most rational at that time.
I haven't heard you say
I haven't heard you say anything negative about his children, which leads me to believe that that part of the marriage is good. Am I correct? If so, I would do as others have suggested and get counseling and quickly seek out fertility or adoption possibilities.If your relationship with the skids is not good, I probably would look into leaving. All the best to you. Hugs.
Unfortunately, it's not good.
Unfortunately, it's not good. SD isn't around much at all because she lives out of state with her mother. When she is around my husband is the typical disney land dad with his perfect daughter. I feel angry, jealous, worthless, and resentful when she's around. It feels as though my being childless is rubbed in my face. He doesn't have much to do with her when she's not around; however, I believe she may be moving closer to us to go to college. I don't know what I'll do. I try not to think about it.
I have considered it as well,
I have considered it as well, but not for the simple fact that he had a child with someone else... maybe it's because I also had children of around the same age... but because I feel as though I'm living mty life according to another woman
This!!
This!!