You all have heard my story about SD26.. I am disengaged, but not in my mind and body. SS24 comes to visit in a few weeks, and I will be around him. He's a great kid, but ultimately supports his sis. MIL probably does too, but plays both sides. I will have to be around all of them, some of them quite soon and I NEED someone I can text. I do not have kids or family here to support me when in these situations. DH becomes anxious and doesn't support me well when around his spawns. Is anyone willing to be "text support" - why are there no in person/Zoom groups for this type of thing?
So this blog is almost 10 years overdue with how much drama we deal with, I recently discovered this site and eager to vent out some frustrations hopefully with some like-minded step parents!
This is my first post--I just found StepTalk after searching for counseling. I am so excited to be here! And this is going to be a long post...
An update on my situation from my forum post 'No More Alone Time'
First of all I never got to see my counsellor since she had to get tested for Covid. And things have been a bit calmer since so I haven't rescheduled.
SD17 asked DD10 if she wanted to vape! And offered it to her!!! DD overheard me telling DH that in SD's last visit I couldn't believe she pulled out a vape pen and took a drag from it right in front me. That's when DD chimed in that SD offered it to her to try. She said it happened a few weeks back. DD always waits a long time to tell me these things. (SD rarely comes over anymore.) I hate that I have to explain to DH that its illegal for 17 year olds to vape and what kind of parents just allow it under their roof? He agreed but that means nothing.
My SD came out to us as a lesbian around 8 months ago. I have no issue with it, have gay friends and have been involved in the queer scene my entire life as a hairstylist. We had a fight a few months ago over me taking to her sister about her sexuality and I apologized for it. I questioned if it was a phase.
Finally got the courage to create an account and ask for help because I can’t handle it any longer. My DH and I have been together for 4 years. DH gets SD every other weekend and every other week when school is out. SD was 7 when we met and everything seemed great in the beginning. After we had been together for a while I started realizing DH is a Disney dad. SD didn’t know what it meant to be told no which then turned into SD telling DH I was mean because I expected basic manners and respect. DH would also immediately get defensive if I said anything to SD.
So I have two kids of my own. My fiancé has two girls. They both are developmentally delayed and things are SO hard. I hate when they come over. At first they both really liked me. Ever since October the oldest seems to hate me. They were staying with us for one full week, and then one full week off. It was way too much for me. I told my fiancé that and luckily we were able to change it to only 3/4 days at a time. Well now the oldest literally has a breakdown anytime she has to come over. She sobs and says how she just wants to be by her mom.
So while at work last night my DH took it upon himself to ring SD explaining my side of issue. He pretty much told her " for now " I'm not interested in anything with her my word was never, he told her F/child will not be involved until he see's she's able to change. I'm feeling annoyed that he only made her wait 2 days when I told him I need time to think what I wanted which after talking with this group I felt confident to express to him but decided to disengage with SD & her family & not reply to her.
Things have been going pretty good around the house, but last night we ended up addressing the 'elephant in the room'. There's so much more to the evening, but I won't hash it all out here. I've been processing it all this morning and looking to Brene Brown for a bit of clarity and inspiration.
“It’s not about ‘what can I accomplish?’ but ‘what do I want to accomplish?’ Paradigm shift.”
~ Brene Brown