Finally got the courage to create an account and ask for help because I can’t handle it any longer. My DH and I have been together for 4 years. DH gets SD every other weekend and every other week when school is out. SD was 7 when we met and everything seemed great in the beginning. After we had been together for a while I started realizing DH is a Disney dad. SD didn’t know what it meant to be told no which then turned into SD telling DH I was mean because I expected basic manners and respect. DH would also immediately get defensive if I said anything to SD.
So I have two kids of my own. My fiancé has two girls. They both are developmentally delayed and things are SO hard. I hate when they come over. At first they both really liked me. Ever since October the oldest seems to hate me. They were staying with us for one full week, and then one full week off. It was way too much for me. I told my fiancé that and luckily we were able to change it to only 3/4 days at a time. Well now the oldest literally has a breakdown anytime she has to come over. She sobs and says how she just wants to be by her mom.
So while at work last night my DH took it upon himself to ring SD explaining my side of issue. He pretty much told her " for now " I'm not interested in anything with her my word was never, he told her F/child will not be involved until he see's she's able to change. I'm feeling annoyed that he only made her wait 2 days when I told him I need time to think what I wanted which after talking with this group I felt confident to express to him but decided to disengage with SD & her family & not reply to her.
Things have been going pretty good around the house, but last night we ended up addressing the 'elephant in the room'. There's so much more to the evening, but I won't hash it all out here. I've been processing it all this morning and looking to Brene Brown for a bit of clarity and inspiration.
“It’s not about ‘what can I accomplish?’ but ‘what do I want to accomplish?’ Paradigm shift.”
~ Brene Brown
My husband (of 1 year) was chose to go on a trip to Alaska. It is a trip of a lifetime. He can only take one person with him. He chose his youngest daughter(17 ) to go instead of me. But she Is in school and cannot go. So now I am elected to go and I am feeling very sad. This is not the first time this has happened either. I never had kids and I’m not good at dealing with them. He has four kids with his first wife. Only one of the four pretends to like me. The other three Do not hide the fact that they do not like me.
I knew something big was coming with SD17 (SD16...she had a birthday) and so did many of you STalkers following my blog posts. If you called it....consider this story an affirmation of your perceptive awesomeness and ability to stop BS in it's tracks. If you didn't see it coming and are still giving your self-destructive teens the benefit of the doubt...well, let this be a cautionary tale! If you don't have time or energy to read this long post in its entirety, jump to the bottom for the MORAL OF THE STORY.
Here we go...
My boyfriend and I have been together a year and are planning for marriage with the appropriate prenup as we both have been married before. We are compatible in many different ways and more so than any other man. He is retired military. He has 1 child, a daughter and she is 30. He and is first wife divorced amicably. He was a career military man. Good provider but not really totally involved with her raising.
I guess I deleted the post about SD14 getting her own way and she's been staying at her mom's for the last 2 months, which is fine by me except that it's breaking my husbands heart.
I was glad to see I'm not the only post deleter - sometimes other people in the family use my laptop and it would be a total nightmare if SD11 saw any of my posts about her sister, she would hate me forever.
So here's the situation:
Nothing has really changed since my last post. SD goes back and forth from being sweet to being a turd. DH and I haven’t gone over our expectations with her still but she also hasn’t been with us much. She spent her 2 week Winter break with BM and has been a Negative Nancy since. Even to the point that DH has mentioned it to her and doesn’t enjoy being with her when she’s like that.
So my DH gets home on the 23rd of December around 7pm. Of course we'll be getting monster and princess the next day because he hasn't seen them in a while. He agreed to take them for 8 days and didn't tell me. Now I understand that it's been a while and he wants to see them, but I can't stand the way that he doesn't talk to me about anything!! We were supposed to go out and get a motel room for new years eve (no kids) and spend a nice night in the quiet together and now we'll have skids instead.