Yesterday I overheard DH's phone convo with SD. She complained and boasted to him that "SM still hasn't contacted me" - man... she just doesn't get it and like CLove said...is using her supposed olive branch now as a useful weapon. I have said nothing for a long while.... this is all happening between those two as I stand my ground.
DH's and my therapist recommended to me to send all DH'sfamily members an email if I chose not to attend family gatherings like going out to dinner. DH is firm in his belief that precious SD/mini-wife has done her part by sending out an olive branch. Her "olive branch" comes with the condition that I apologize (honestly, at this point the topic is past and old)... So, according to him... it's "up to me" to respond to SD. Guess what? I don't want to respond to SD- I will not discuss the past and don't feel at all ready to be around her.
DH just a happy lovey conversation with SD And apologized for being the middle man in all this stupid drama. He shared the conversation with me and shared that SD is ready to move forward, but IM THE MISSING PIECE. Now, according to both of them, it's up to me to call her and "move forward". I am trying to disengage, I don't want to be wrapped up in her drama anymore and I don't want to hang out with her. I'm tired of agreeing to do what others want. I hate being the stepmom and have no one here for support. I don't know what I'd do without you all.
I'm trying so hard... I'm trying to no longer be a part of this skid crap that's left me with PTSD. But... DH says --- oh let's invite SD over for M day... I am like... are you flipping kidding me? I don't want to see her at all if I don't HAVE to! But... DH says... if I don't, then MIL will be pissed off and hate me, DH will be mad, and SD... we already hate each other... fun times!!! So... I have no family or kids here, my mom is out of state.. and I have to hang out with that?!? My anxiety level is through the roof...
You all have heard my story about SD26.. I am disengaged, but not in my mind and body. SS24 comes to visit in a few weeks, and I will be around him. He's a great kid, but ultimately supports his sis. MIL probably does too, but plays both sides. I will have to be around all of them, some of them quite soon and I NEED someone I can text. I do not have kids or family here to support me when in these situations. DH becomes anxious and doesn't support me well when around his spawns. Is anyone willing to be "text support" - why are there no in person/Zoom groups for this type of thing?
Thanks to all of your support and my own sanity, I have set my boundary at "I will not discuss the past" with SD26. She tried to call back and said she wants to move forward too but not without the big "apology" I mentioned before. Also, that this "never happens again" - AFTER the big apology and blah, blah, blah - THEN she can enjoy being around me. Well, I listened to you all... she will always create drama and remind me of the past.
I am the "cool aunt" and cousin. I've always adored kids and was a popular elementary school teacher. With this sense of myself, I met DH thinking I'd get along with his kids. They were teenagers when I met them. SS24 was always kind and polite even though he would never directly look or talk to me. SD26 had problems from day one and has not stopped. DH is not the easiest and has many narcissistic traits.. life at the beginning with them was depressing and lonely for me. I stayed in the bedroom and was gone most of the day. Anyway, now, miserable and pathetic SD and I don't speak.