You are here

step-out's Blog

How do you all feel as an outsider?

step-out's picture

How do you feel when you are around your SO and his kids? Maybe even with more extended family? Do you feel lost, sad, left out? How do you push through those feelings or do you? I dread when I have to be around DH and his kids, etc. I pretty much don't get asked any questions or acknowledged and that IS my love language. I am not good at it, it makes me feel horrible, anxious and sad... 

Should only discuss step-life with you all

step-out's picture

I learned my lesson- nobody, not family, friends, really anyone not in "our" shoes gets this stuff. Why is it the " one with the kids" gets the sympathy? I get it, don't get it... I am disengaged from SD. I am working on myself and how I can best handle this all without being forced or being made guilty from others. Ugh! How do you guys do this? 

Keep Disengaged! Super enlightening from the other side

step-out's picture

Some of you told me before that after the "drama" with SD, that she would move on to new dramas. Boy, were you right! She's just off the phone with DH about how he did something or other (not important to bore you with details). She can no longer use me as her punching bag because I am not a part of her life emotionally any longer. It's amazing how DH and BM continue to give in to her constant crap. Not one person has told her to grow the !*#! up, stop living with Mommy and problem solve on your own. I'm sure next week, or maybe tomorrow, something new will pop up. 

Post re-engagement summary

step-out's picture

As expected, SD did have her continuing medical drama and did not show up to dinner. We FaceTimed to DH and MIL who were both "thrilled" that we "re-connected. Well, darn it... I am still disengaged so don't have any expectations. I will not put myself again into that whirlwind of 24-7 drama! 

Push went to….SHOVE

step-out's picture

I should consider myself lucky... SD called again and left a message. She said now that she's healing from her abscess, she's ready to "heal" our relationship too. Don't ask me the correlation, but ok. I sent a text saying that I just move forward and don't discuss the past which was my boundary all  along. She told me she's been out of work for two weeks with this abcess thing and I responded with "that sucks". I did not respond with much but did invite her to her grandma's bday dinner on Friday evening. 

Drama moved on to the next topic…

step-out's picture

Poor SD's Mom went out of town for a few days...SD lives with her. Immediately there was drama, and of course, DH got several phone calls. Off to urgent care and whoa is me for a small abscess on her leg. Since BM has been out of town, DH has received at least 10 phone calls about this thing.  Wow! She is a sick girl... stay disengaged, stay disengaged.... 

Not good at Step-mom-ing

step-out's picture

My SS has been visiting and staying with us for the past four days. He's a super nice, polite and clean kid. He doesn't really talk to me and when DH is around, he doesn't eye contact with me at all. I know I am grateful for at least a polite relationship, but I feel my whole sense of being tense up, can't sleep, feel ignored and sad. Also, he sides with SD, so definitely does not support me in any way. I am just not good at this and feel depleted before, during and after every visit. 

Heard SD complain

step-out's picture

Yesterday I overheard DH's phone convo with SD. She complained and boasted to him that "SM still hasn't contacted me" - man... she just doesn't get it and like CLove using her supposed olive branch now as a useful weapon. I have said nothing for a long while.... this is all happening between those two as I stand my ground. 

Grin and Bear it or send an email

step-out's picture

DH's and my therapist recommended to me to send all DH'sfamily members an email if I chose not to attend family gatherings like going out to dinner. DH is firm in his belief that precious SD/mini-wife has done her part by sending out an olive branch. Her "olive branch" comes with the condition that I apologize (honestly, at this point the topic is past and old)... So, according to him... it's "up to me" to respond to SD. Guess what? I don't want to respond to SD- I will not discuss the past and don't feel at all ready to be around her.