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step-out's Blog

How do you all feel as an outsider?

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How do you feel when you are around your SO and his kids? Maybe even with more extended family? Do you feel lost, sad, left out? How do you push through those feelings or do you? I dread when I have to be around DH and his kids, etc. I pretty much don't get asked any questions or acknowledged and that IS my love language. I am not good at it, it makes me feel horrible, anxious and sad... 

Should only discuss step-life with you all

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I learned my lesson- nobody, not family, friends, really anyone not in "our" shoes gets this stuff. Why is it the " one with the kids" gets the sympathy? I get it, don't get it... I am disengaged from SD. I am working on myself and how I can best handle this all without being forced or being made guilty from others. Ugh! How do you guys do this? 

Post re-engagement summary

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As expected, SD did have her continuing medical drama and did not show up to dinner. We FaceTimed to DH and MIL who were both "thrilled" that we "re-connected. Well, darn it... I am still disengaged so don't have any expectations. I will not put myself again into that whirlwind of 24-7 drama! 

Drama moved on to the next topic…

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Poor SD's Mom went out of town for a few days...SD lives with her. Immediately there was drama, and of course, DH got several phone calls. Off to urgent care and whoa is me for a small abscess on her leg. Since BM has been out of town, DH has received at least 10 phone calls about this thing.  Wow! She is a sick girl... stay disengaged, stay disengaged.... 

Not good at Step-mom-ing

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My SS has been visiting and staying with us for the past four days. He's a super nice, polite and clean kid. He doesn't really talk to me and when DH is around, he doesn't eye contact with me at all. I know I am grateful for at least a polite relationship, but I feel my whole sense of being tense up, can't sleep, feel ignored and sad. Also, he sides with SD, so definitely does not support me in any way. I am just not good at this and feel depleted before, during and after every visit. 

Heard SD complain

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Yesterday I overheard DH's phone convo with SD. She complained and boasted to him that "SM still hasn't contacted me" - man... she just doesn't get it and like CLove using her supposed olive branch now as a useful weapon. I have said nothing for a long while.... this is all happening between those two as I stand my ground. 

Now IM the problem!

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DH just a happy lovey conversation with SD And apologized for being the middle man in all this stupid drama. He shared the conversation with me and shared that SD is ready to move forward, but IM THE MISSING PIECE. Now, according to both of them, it's up to me to call her and "move forward". I am trying to disengage, I don't want to be wrapped up in her drama anymore and I don't want to hang out with her. I'm tired of agreeing to do what others want. I hate being the stepmom and have no one here for support. I don't know what I'd do without you all. 

Don’t want to Engage!

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I'm trying so hard... I'm trying to no longer be a part of this skid crap that's left me with PTSD. But... DH says --- oh let's invite SD over for M day... I am like... are you flipping kidding me? I don't want to see her at all if I don't HAVE to! But... DH says... if I don't, then MIL will be pissed off and hate me, DH will be mad, and SD... we already hate each other... fun times!!! So... I have no family or kids here, my mom is out of state.. and I have to hang out with that?!? My anxiety level is through the roof...

Looking for Peer Support when SOS

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You all have heard my story about SD26.. I am disengaged, but not in my mind and body. SS24 comes to visit in a few weeks, and I will be around him. He's a great kid, but ultimately supports his sis. MIL probably does too, but plays both sides. I will have to be around all of them, some of them quite soon and I NEED someone I can text. I do not have kids or family here to support me when in these situations. DH becomes anxious and doesn't support me well when around his spawns. Is anyone willing to be "text support" - why are there no in person/Zoom groups for this type of thing?