I have no problems with SD. No problems at all. I like it this way. I achieve this by having absolutely nothing to do with her! I have her number blocked and her FB blocked. I don't go anywhere she might be. I don't invite her to anything. This is the only way that I've found that keeps all the stress, drama, and gut wrenching mental pain away. If I have any interaction with her whatsoever there is a good chance it might get twisted around in some manipulative creative way that ends with me hurt and somehow looking like the bad guy.
I only say sort of because she had already moved out months ago. When she was living with us she was rarely home. She would always be out running around and staying with friends. Then she moved in with her mom and then when that didnt work out she moved back in with us except she only brought a few things of clothes and was still gone almost every night. She wanted her old room back but her brother refused and we didnt think it would be fair to just give it back to her.
I'm wishing DH would get home. Having to wait is good for me though because it helps me think things through on how I should I approach him with issues at home. On the other hand its irritating I'm wasting my thoughts and time on the issues in the first place. I'm going to have to get DH to brainstorm with me on what boundaries we think are needed and how we will implement them. I know if I handle it by myself right now it won't go over well. So I'm trying to stay calm and having patience until DH gets here. He won't tolerate this.
SD17 asked DD10 if she wanted to vape! And offered it to her!!! DD overheard me telling DH that in SD's last visit I couldn't believe she pulled out a vape pen and took a drag from it right in front me. That's when DD chimed in that SD offered it to her to try. She said it happened a few weeks back. DD always waits a long time to tell me these things. (SD rarely comes over anymore.) I hate that I have to explain to DH that its illegal for 17 year olds to vape and what kind of parents just allow it under their roof? He agreed but that means nothing.
I understand that adult children sometimes need a place to stay forage few days or even sometimes move back in with their parent(s). Oldest SS is 24. He has a child. Suddenly he is here because he broke up with his GF and mother of his child. If he needed to stay here a few days I could deal with it and be fine, but no one even asking me pisses me off. The SS24 leaves for the day and comes back with his son. Now they are both here. I could manage this too if I was asked, if SS was looking for another place, not drinking all day, and NOT BRINGING WOMEN INTO MY HOME!
SD17's mom is homeless. She got to the deadline her father had made with her on how long she could stay with him and his wife. Guess what SD17 asked me and DH? It's completely laughable, but really not a laughing matter. SD doesnt get it. It's actually very mean of BM to put SD in that position to ask us. Even if she wasn't the BM, something is really wrong with you when you grow up your entire life in one area and then can't find anyone to stay with for 1 to 2 nights. And isn't that always how it starts with unwanted visitors? Just one night?