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Not My Home Anymore

morrgin's picture

I understand that adult children sometimes need a place to stay forage few days or even sometimes move back in with their parent(s). Oldest SS is 24. He has a child. Suddenly he is here because he broke up with his GF and mother of his child. If he needed to stay here a few days I could deal with it and be fine, but no one even asking me pisses me off. The SS24 leaves for the day and comes back with his son. Now they are both here. I could manage this too if I was asked, if SS was looking for another place, not drinking all day, and NOT BRINGING WOMEN INTO MY HOME!

Last nigh SS left saying he will be back which sounded like he would be back shortly. He was gone all evening and most the night. His son even woke up while he was away and started screaming for his mom and dad. I dont know what time SS24 came back. I was asleep. When I got up at 4:30 am to get ready for work I notice a boot by the backdoor. It looked like a women's boot. Odd I thought. Then at work I was stressing about everything at home and there wasn't much work to do so I came home. I'm sitting on the couch in the family room playing a game on my phone when some woman I've never seen before comes walking in from the upstairs doorway. I was in absolute shock. Obviously SS had brought her over but how was it possible that there was a complete stranger in my home and I didnt even know it?

I told DH how I felt about it and now waiting for him to do something. Maybe he's waiting for some miracle to happen or waiting for me to do his dirty work. I can barely see straight I'm so angry.



thinkthrice's picture

Another generation of screwed up skids comes down the pike as SS's dad was a bad father who now has passed that "quality" onto SS and probably GSS.

You'll either have to turn a blind eye and not volunteer to be babysitter for GSS or make your exit plan.

I vote for the latter.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

We are in the middle of a pandemic and DH and SS think it is ok to have a stranger in your house? Quite waiting for DH to do something and take care of it yourself. SS abides by your rules, which includes no strangers in the house, or he is gone. Don't let him stay long enough that you have to go through an eviction process.

justmakingthebest's picture

Like hereiam said- tell them to get out. Leave now. Do not pass go, do not collect any $$- just get out. He lost staying there temporarily privileges when he brought a strange woman into YOUR home.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

This PARENT left his kid to go out partying, and just assumed your take care of it?!? What an entitled piece of excrement.

We talk a lot about Disengagement here on ST, but there are times when a SM has to put on her bi!ch boots and take charge because her spineless SO won't. 

You need to tell your SO that either he shows his pathetic, alcoholic, CPS poster boy to the door or you'll handle it, and he reaaaally won't like the way you do it. Tell him No Tramps Allowed, and that if SS doesn't straighten up you'll be reporting him to CPS yourself.

When you found that boot, you should have thrown it out the door. And when that trollop walked into your living room, you should have lost your mind and kicked her out forthwith. Stop being passive and waiting for your SO to do something. It's obvious from the way his son turned out that he's afraid to parent. You need to release your inner bi!ch and take back your home.

ldvilen's picture

This is getting to be a bigger and further problem for SPs, isn’t it?  Lost and listless adult children coming back into mom or pop’s household.  Adultolescents.  The age from about 20 to 30 when you never know what you are going to get with a so-called adult child.  At age 30 nowadays they could be still like a 17 YO mentally.  Or, they could be more adult-like and living out on their own.

A culture is what it is, but this is something that I think American society has been over-ignoring for too long.  You could be 40 years old, for instance, and have a 25 YO supervisor who mentally may be more like a 17 YO.  Good luck making that type of work environment work out, for instance.  And, neither higher ups in the working environment or parents in the home seem to know how to or want to deal with this properly.  They don’t always recognize it the way people on the inside do.  Instead, they look the other way and shrug, while these adultolescents basically go on to make life a hell for the rest of us who truly are adults and expect things to be handled in an adult manner.

Yeah, OP, you really need to confront your DH on this.  I know we sometimes joking refer to children like this as being feral, and maybe we shouldn’t.  However, no one expects to have to deal with a feral adult, and that is basically what you have here.  A feral adult in your own home without your permission.  You need to have a talk with your DH and your DH needs to have a talk with his adult son about setting a launch plan.  Sounds to me, too, like SS is looking for another woman to take him in.  Sad thing is he’ll probably find one soon enough.  But, none of that is your concern and you sure as H- don’t have to wait around for him to either launch or find a new “mommy.”

Chickentacosarebae's picture

This is my first comment ever as I am new to the community. *stop* WOW . You probably are an  awesome stepmom and put in your time and now you have to deal with this mess. This is why I personally am in the process of moving OUT. Living Apart Together and Spiritual Partners is the way for me. With my anxiety and career and personal goals that I won't comprise, living together is not an option . The list gets longer and longer ..does it EVER end ??! "What do you mean my son can't have his kid here"? You'll just have to understand children boomerang , the friggin SO / Hubby or whatever will ALWAYS say something like , " if it was OURS" you wouldn't second question him and the baby in the home. You may say , if it was our kid...... WELL this IS MY SON...whew double slap in the face !!


​​Three will always be a company !!

​​​​​"I know how the baby mama thing feels in the 20s, he is young and my son and grandson are my legacy " !!! What a slap in the face ....