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SD22 just showed up with a suitcase

morrgin's picture

I have no problems with SD. No problems at all. I like it this way. I achieve this by having absolutely nothing to do with her! I have her number blocked and her FB blocked. I don't go anywhere she might be. I don't invite her to anything. This is the only way that I've found that keeps all the stress, drama, and gut wrenching mental pain away. If I have any interaction with her whatsoever there is a good chance it might get twisted around in some manipulative creative way that ends with me hurt and somehow looking like the bad guy.

DH is soon to start driving mint trucks for the mint harvest. SD then started driving the trucks too. He asked her if she was going to drive this year. Then a couple of days ago SD calls DH and says she needs a place to stay while she is working. He automatically says she can stay with us. She asks about me cuz she knows I don't like her. DH tells her he'll talk to me about it. Already DH has me ready as his bad guy scapegoat.

Supposedly the mint harvest will be for just 2 weeks. It's been my experience though is you open your house at all then they will make themselves comfortable and still be living there long past the time the originally said.

Of course now it looks like I'm the cause of all the negativity and problems. I'm the one who first got upset and it's upsetting everyone else. DH and SD aren't even considering all the horrible stuff she has done to me and all the times DH enabled it to happen which made it keep happening and get worse. He still thinks she is his perfect innocent daughter that would never hurt anyone.  

The meds I got put on have helped me quite a bit for dealing with my anxiety, manic bipolar depression, and PTSD. I wonder if they will help me to manage this current situation better. I'm angry and anxious right now, but at least it's not overwhelming me. 

Thanks steptalk members for always being there and listening 


I'm Enough's picture

I feel for you as well. My adult SD asked to come here (3 hours away) to get her head together after a verbally abusive relationship (she said). Of course she could. We should have set some ground rules, which you should. She sat on the couch for 6 months, only to get up to smoke, or sit on the computer, planning for a wedding that she said we were paying for (new boyfriend). When her dad said "we should loan you some money to buy a used car so you can look for work" in front of both of us..I litterally lost my shit. She called her new boyfriend who was there in 3.5 hours to pick her up. She called me a bitch in front of my family, thanked her daddy and left. Why I didn't do it sooner, I will never know. Morggin, if you let her stay, I hope you set some bonundaries and a deadline.

Merry's picture

I'd be upset if somebody that I liked was invited for a weekend without my knowledge!

Make this one about your DH not treating you as an equal partner in your relationship. He does NOT get unilaterial decision making. Oh, unless you can invite one of your friends or relatives that he doesn't like.

Also make sure there are expectations for her while she is there (cleans up after herself, does her own laundry, helps with household chores), AND that there is an exit plan. If you can count on an end date it might make it more tolerable. AND make sure DH is clear about HIS behavior while she is there--no fawning over her while ignoring you, he is responsible for anything extra required while she is there, he volunteers you for nothing, no giving her extra money. 

My SD is a reasonably good houseguest but DH has had to learn that he is still married to me when she visits.