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What the what?? OR - is it just me, or is this odd?

WalkOnBy's picture

So, I told you guys about Kelly's upcoming wedding, Kelly being Medusa's half sister.  There are two children in the wedding party - the groom's daughter who is 9 and Kelly's nephew, Jackson,  who is also 9.   Jackson's mother is Medusa's full sister, or as you guys know her, Auntie Addict.   Auntie Addict is a bridesmaid.  Her daughter, Laura, is 15 and is very close to BabyVoice and her other son, Carlton, is the same age as ASS.  KarateKid is also in the wedding party, as an usher.

We got the wedding invitation and it is addressed to "DHFirstName and MyFirstName and family."  We can talk about the lack of etiquette later Smile

The other night at dinner, DH tells me that the reception is adults only.  Sure enough, I go and look at the invitation and that's what it says.  BabyVoice confirmed that neither she, nor Laura, nor Jackson, nor KarateKid, nor the groom's daughter, will be at the reception.  Only people over 21.

Which, of course, is their perogative, as it's their wedding.  BUT, why then address the invitation to "and family?"  Why have people in the wedding party who are not allowed to be at the reception?

I am no fan of kids at weddings, but I would not exclude kids who were older than 14.  And I would certainly not exclude someone who was in the wedding party and is 18 years old...

BabyVoice went on to tell us that the only way she found out about this was when she and Laura were over at their grandma's house after the wedding shower, she heard her grandmother on the phone with the bride complaining that the kids weren't going to be allowed to attend.  Now, of course, this is all coming from BV, but she is pretty reliable and this IS Medusa's family, so it's entirely possible that was something that totally blindsided grandma.

So, is it me, or is it odd?    The thing that is the most irritating to me?  KarateKid has to be at the rehearsal, which means that DH has to go get him from college the Friday before the wedding, bring him home, and then turn around Sunday and take him back.  All so he can be in the wedding for what, an hour??


Annnndddd. go!!


elkclan's picture

It might be a venue or liquor by the drinks licensing thing if the age is 21 for the reception. Maybe? I dunno. 

This wouldnt be the way I'd do it and I'd simply not attend a wedding like that (if it was a kid weekend - on a no kid weekend, yeah I probably would), but hey ho - everyone wants to be queen for a day, even if it massively inconveniences everyone else. 

WalkOnBy's picture

The reception is at a local hotel where I have attended many receptions where kids were present, so it's not a venue rule.

I told DH that we should protest by not going Smile

BabyVoice is really hurt, and I totally understand why she feels that way.  

fakemommy's picture

I have heard of this, but usually a babysitter is available for the kids in the wedding. A lot of times, the kids end up staying because the bride wants photos with the kids. 

WalkOnBy's picture

When my daughter got married a few years back, they had the younger sister of one of the groomsmen come to the country club and hang out with the kids in the kids lounge.  They paid her and it was nice to have a space for the younger kids - and some of the teens, quite frankly - who could go watch tv or eat pizza or play video games.


Livingoutloud's picture

I honestly have never been to a wedding reception where no kids were allowed. Especially kids who are in college (not even kids really).

WalkOnBy's picture

Right??   I mean, I have no problem with not wanting babies or toddlers or even kids in grammar school, but an 18 year old kid who is IN THE BRIDAL PARTY?  Your 15 and 16 year old nieces??  

Upside?  ASS is not yet 21, so I guess he's not invited either, which means I don't have to see him Smile

ndc's picture

I think it's odd. Not that little kids aren't invited, but that an 18 year old who is in the wedding party is not invited to the reception. Being in a wedding is usually not cheap, and an 18 year old is an adult.  I don't get where they drew the line.

WalkOnBy's picture

right, I have zero problem with little kids being excluded, but a 15 year old?  A 16 year old?  An 18 year old who is in the bridal party??


beebeel's picture

The only thing I can assume is the bride didn't want her new SD up daddy's butt the entire recption and had to go scorched earth to see it done.

WalkOnBy's picture

Perhaps - from what I saw at the bridal shower, she is pretty far up her daddy's behind. 

Kelly, of course, says she is "wonderful" and "so much fun to be around."

Suuuurrrre she is.

Maria10's picture

Maybe the thinking was that if the 21 and unders are unable to attend they would be there to babysit the smaller kids?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

IMO, when a couple wants kids IN/at their wedding, but NOT at the reception, they should provide babysitting services in the same hotel/building as the reception. When one of my brothers married, they had a hospitality room (snacks and beverages) for the 2 hours between the wedding and the reception (while having pics taken), along with a room for the 2 nursing mothers, AND 3 suites with 3 babysitters. Yeah, my brother has $$$.

WalkOnBy's picture

Yup - that's what we did when DD27 got married.  She didn't want kids at her wedding, but she had younger siblings and she didn't want to exclude them.

She hired a teenage friend to hang out in the Kids Room at the country club and it was great!  

I just find the fact that Kelly didn't even tell her mom that the grandkids, including the ones IN the wedding, aren't invited to the reception.

KK said he would never have said yes if he had known he was only invited to the ceremony.  He said he would have rather stayed at school than come home Friday (1.5 hour drive), spend the night at our house, go to a one hour wedding ceremony on Saturday, stay the night at our house again since DH and I will be at the reception, and then another 1.5 hour drive with DH on Sunday....

WalkOnBy's picture

Yeah - I think I am going to present that option tonight.

I could also just respond "4" on the little "will attend with pleasure" and entree choice lines and wait for Kelly's head to explode 


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Evil Aniki says:

  • Say "yes" to everyone attending
  • Pick those entrees!
  • Skip the reception and go to dinner with the kids/skids Diablo

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

If you aren't going to allow them at the reception... Why have them at the wedding?... I think you have to go all in or all out for something like this... Either let the kids (particularly the wedding party ones) be involved in the whole thing. Or politely call it a kids free event and have no kids at either the wedding or the reception. It's just much simpler that way.

WalkOnBy's picture

completely agree - and why address the reception card to "and family" when you really mean just the adults?

Maybe DH will be so offended that we decide not to go - after all, I loathe when we have to spend time around the Medusa-ites who are still in contact with her.

I feel the worst for Auntie Addict - she lives about two hours away and will be paying for a hotel room at the venue.  She is in the wedding, probably had to buy a suit for Jackson who is also in the wedding, and then tell her kids to go hang out in the room while she goes to the reception downstairs.  


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Probably thought it sounded cute or saw something on Pinterest? LOL

Maybe he will be, I too don't particularly enjoy being within 100 ft. of Psycho's family...

That super bites, weddings are expensive for everyone involved, including the wedding party, it's a bit sad that the kids in the wedding party won't get to be included in the actual party part of it all.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

It seems a bit selfish and inconsiderate to expect parents to go to the trouble and expense of having their kids in the wedding party, only to expect them to make their kids magically disappear afterwards. What are the parents supposed to do? Lock their kids in the car while they enjoy the reception?

Too many brides lose sight of the fact that the reception is a party thrown for their guests, so to slight individuals who participated in the actual ceremony is gauche. Hopefully someone will point out to her that a chunk of her wedding party may decide to not stick around for the reception, which could be embarrassing for her.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I think it would be kinda nice if people in the wedding party who are underage or with underage children would "opt out" of being in the wedding. I certainly would.

My ex and I caught flack for a No Kids reception. We married at the courthouse (only our parents in attendance) and the reception was IN A BAR. The BAR had a No Kids policy (with which I wholeheartedly agree). We actuallly had a few people get sh!tty with us about not allowing kids to attend. Um... okay.

WalkOnBy's picture

Well, in your case, they were precluded because of the bar's policy.  Nothing wrong with that.   And of course, nothing ruins a reception like the flower girl in a meltdown.  I think of little kids as different than kids who can drive, vote or attend college Smile

I just think it's really rude to ask people to shell out time and money so that their kid can be in the wedding photos, but not actually at the party. 

Plus - it's not like the fact that Medusa's aunts are going to be better behaved because they are in their 50s and 60s - pro tip, they will not Smile


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Yes, that's true. But we still had people get p!ssy with us because of it. Hey! Don't like it? Then YOU pay for our reception! LOL

I also think that's rude.

Survivingstephell's picture

My snarky side says RSVP for 4 and then don't show up for anything.  Turn off the phones and take the skids to Cedar Point for the weekend and avoid the whole show.  Leave them hanging.  

notsobad's picture

So, at my first wedding we had a no kids at the reception policy.

Now, before everyone gets upset, the only kids in the wedding were my matron of honour and one of the groomsmens kids. They were the flower girl and ring bearer. I was in my early 20s and only a handfull of my friends had children, none of them were near their teens. My youngest brother(13 at the time) was the youngest person there and he only stayed for dinner and the first two or three dances. There weren't any other teens in the family but there were a few 5-10 year old cousins and other extended family.

My biggest reason for deciding to not have kids at the reception was my bf, matron of honour and her hubby. We'd spent many many evenings partying together either at their house or ours and the kids were always there. I didn't realize it then but it really bothered me that they'd get stupid drunk in front of the kids so much. Yes, I did it too but they weren't my kids. Most nights I'd stay sober enough to put their kids to bed and then start trying to catch up to them.

I didn't want them around all my family and other friends getting stupid drunk in front of the kids. I felt that if I said no kids at all, then everyone could be free to really party. And they did, we were a big party group. There were a few people who were upset that their kids weren't welcome to the reception but hey, it was my wedding and I was paying for it.

I know it would feel great to say yes 4 are coming then not go at all but please don't. It's not right to make the couple pay for meals that will never be eaten. Either go or don't but there's no need to waste both food and money because you don't agree with their decisions.

WalkOnBy's picture

Oh, don't worry, I won't do that.  I am nothing if not a good wedding guest.  

I had a no kids policy at my first wedding and I also had no ring bearers or flower girls to ensure there would be none of those conversations :-) 

I am not a ring bearer and flower girl kind of girl.  

My daugher had her younger half siblings as a flower girl and ring bearer and her older half sibling as an usher for Money-Ka (he is on the spectrum and couldn't really handle being an usher, but since I raised my daughter right, she wanted to include ALL of her siblings).  After the ceremony, Money-Ka took them home, where they spent the night with a sitter Smile