A week ago, I mentioned MR.
I have been venting a lot since I started blogging on ST and naturally much of it is negative. On a positive note, I've also been reading A LOT of what you fine folks have to say and with your help, have been learning more about disengaging. Well, SD16 (the only one at home f/t) started back to school this morning and although I have had a couple of hiccups, I feel MUCH less stress having ramped up the disengagement. This is hard for me because I was admittedly a Mama Bear to my BS during his school years, I've been responsible for helping get SKIDS (particularly the girls) ready for the
I've been with hubby for the last 9 years. He had already ended his 29 year marriage to a highly dysfunctional woman (she physically attacked him on a number of occasions), but he remained to ensure his daughter and son had a good childhood, education and step on to a career path for full independence. He did a good job and has many happy memories of them as youngsters, but that seems to be his only comfort now.
I'm unreasonable. I'm not fair. I'm always causing problems. I'm abusive. I hurt confidence and crush self-esteem. I only have negative things to say. I like to point out flaws and laugh at mistakes. I'm lazy and use all the money on myself. I brainwash my spouse and favor my own child.
Why not take it a bit further. What's an evil stepmom really like? At first it's difficult to imagine myself as mean stepmom because I'm not one, but luckily I have a very vivid imagination.
I often wake up with thoughts of sincere sympathy for my SD13. I worry for her future, for her development as a human being in a world that (mostly) values honesty and individuality. I imagine her future will be riddled with emotional blowups and lost friends. Or it will be some elaborate scheme where she is just like BM, absolutely hollow and at the “top” of her imaginary world.
SD13 barely says an original thought during her two weekend visits a month at our house. She barely says anything at all. And it is wonderful.
It is like I don’t even have a SD anymore. That’s DH’s daughter, and that’s it. DS is referred to as “her little brother”, but I’m not even worried anymore about her being a bad influence because my DS is smart and I’m wise to who SS13 is slowly becoming.
I don’t go to her extracurriculars (what few there are).
I don’t make much conversation beyond polite small talk.