The fact is, I am a verbally abusive partner. The crap I have said to my DH is abhorrent. He has done the same back to me. Though is more quiet in his style of filleting me. I am proud of myself for being a fighter and standing up for myself, rather than sobbing in a corner. But as time goes on, I realize both fighting and sobbing each leave me feeling the same way--broken.

DH and I have decided to do marriage counseling. He admitted to me today that he does not love me anymore, but that he tries to. I think that is reasonable because of how often we argue. How can you love someone who is always sad and upset? But the thing is, I'm not always sad and upset. Every day I care for my two young children at home. We paint, sing, dance, read books. I teach them how to interact peacefully with one another despite misunderstanding. So why is it so hard for me to be "good" when it comes to my DH? Well, I guess because I feel lied to. I feel tangled up.

I am considering leaving my DH. We finally did get married officially. I have dd18months and ds5 with my DH. He has SS24 and SD16 from a prior marriage. An inverse from my last post, SD16 now gets along well with me and SS24 is a big nightmare I just refuse to interact with. DH sees SS24 probably a few times a month and SD16 once a week. SS24 has called me awful names and insinuated I am a prositute many times verbally and through writing. Then he goes and tells whoever will listen how I am keeping him from his little brother and sister. I am not. He doesn't care about them.

Welp, I am young, smart and capable of independence. If I wasn't, my life as a stepmom might be easier to stomach.