I would like to report, after reading many of my old blog posts, that things have greatly improved in my home I am expecting my second child with DH. YoungAdultSS is polite and even enjoyable when he visits our home. TeenageSD is rarely here because she chooses to stay at her mom's instead. We don't force her to visit or fight her on it. We are simply welcoming when she is here. When SD is here, she remains mostly silent but does seem to enjoy DS and playing card games with DH. I enjoy making small talk with her even if she does not choose to share much with us.
Welp, I am young, smart and capable of independence. If I wasn't, my life as a stepmom might be easier to stomach.
Why do friends of my DH bring up SS18 in polite conversation? Dh, baby and I are out as a family. We run into dh’s friends. These people KNOW ss18 is hateful towards us, that he is a narcissist in training. At his mention, I want to throw back my head and say, “LITERALLY you could mention ANYTHING else under the sun and yet you choose to bring up something so painful and traumatic for us. Why why why why?”
Dh says these people are just trying to connect with him. He is right.
We were only supposed to have SD13 eow, christmas, and every other easter. No spring breaks. No fall breaks. And a week in summer. Dh and i agreed to it. Bm agreed to it. But that didn’t happen.
And when i ask dh why we took sd13 for fall break and why we will have her for spring break next year, his answer is that there was never a signed aggreement. And he wants more time with sd13 anyway, so he’s happy to take her for fall break.
I like lists. They feel refreshing to me. So here is a start to a list of incredibly absurd, head-scratchers I’ve heard in this stephell universe at my house. Please comment with your own most absurd lines from skids or BMs. I hope this can procure a few laughs on this Saturday.
—angry fully licensed driving SS18 who never came around and who has only seen DS1 a handful of times yells through tears “I’m a part of this family too!”
—BM: warmest congrats on your new addition!
Any steppers out there who have managed to rarely, maybe once every six months or so, see their skids? Or who may see them every month, but for no longer than a couple of hours?
I’m a mess of anxiety tonight because I have to be around SD13 for the third weekend in a row this weekend. I feel so uncomfortable around her. I am considering being “away” til she leaves. I also wonder if I should just ignore my anxiety and do what i always do when she is here...Just be myself. Normally her visits are EOW and I have acclimated quite well to the rhythm of that visit schedule.
So DH and I have been seeing a therapist. We have only seen her once but both really felt she was helpful. One of the things she has said which we have both agreed is valuable advice is to leave out the details of our grievances against each other and to talk about feelings in a vulnerable “I feel — when you...”
This is hard for me because I need to follow it the most. I am the type who cusses a lot and gets stuck in details during arguments. I am not a good arguer.
So here is my list..
I feel angry when DH chooses to take SD13 for more than EOW.
These idiot fathers and their psuedo parenting!
It drives me nuts. I don’t even want to witness it!
look at me, im a good dad. Im staring at a screen in the same room with my daughter who is also staring at a screen.
Oh look at me, im a good dad. I am making my child food for breakfast. As long as she says please and thank you then ive done an A+ job! Nevermind that I have zero conversations with her about anything relevant to her life. I am smiling so everything is happy!
I am feeling extra down today. I feel sorry for my SD13. She is with us for vacation and I’ve gotten used to only seeing her EOW. So I have put her issues out of my mind, gotten back to focusing on me and have been happier for it.
How many of you who had your skid around when they were younger, but now only have them EOW or just holidays, feel a tinge of sadness when you see how much the child continues to grow into a mini version of BM?
I do. At least today I do.
I’m not really talking about PAS. I’m talking about that potential to be a self-confident, creative individual being snuffed out by BM’s unending influence.