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SD13 Is Less And Less Little Girl I Used To Know

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How many of you who had your skid around when they were younger, but now only have them EOW or just holidays, feel a tinge of sadness when you see how much the child continues to grow into a mini version of BM? 

I do. At least today I do. 

I’m not really talking about PAS. I’m talking about that potential to be a self-confident, creative individual being snuffed out by BM’s unending influence.

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DH was a Stepkid with stepsibs

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OK, so DH would really like for DS and SS18 and SD13 to have a good relationship. That is happening naturally for SD13 because she is here EOW. 

SS18 is not ever around DS because he is not interested.

 

The other day I brought up to DH his childhood. He was a skid to a nice man and his mom had THREE skids to deal  with in addition to her three bio children.

DH said his mom was always exceptionally fair growing up and that he had a good childhood. DH says he was OK with his step sibs. They all got along alright.

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Second families are valuable. We do not need you to make a sales pitch, DH!

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 I had a talk yesterday with DH about why it is so frustrating to hear him attempt to sell the idea of us to his oldest from his first marriage.  Sometimes I feel like he has the voice of an info commercial announcer as he remarks about DS and I.  It is like DS and I are the fruit of a very inconveniently planted tree in SS18’s life. And DH is trying to get SS18 to see how beautiful the leaves are. Painful to watch.

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13 yo in Victorias Secret Bras

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Is 13 a little young to shop for bras at Victoria’s Secret?

BM takes SD13 there. She always dresses SD13 in “name brand” clothes. I understand wanting your child to have the best. I was treated to “name brand” clothes too when I was yoong. So I know it can be important to wear “the right thing” in middle school. 

But no one sees your bra. And VS isn’t exactly a “body positive” place for the adolescent mind.

 

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BM cannot stand our happy home

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EOW visits with SD13 have been going really well. There is no Disney Dad happening. No nightly phone calls to BM. SD13 seems pretty happy when she is here. She spends time with us by her own choice and we all get along well. When it is time to go back to BM’s (who she chose to stay with FT) she drags her feet. 

I am still sticking to my two rules. I am not left alone with SD13 because of her lying. And I keep conversation focused on her, so my invisible emotional boundary is intact. 

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Marriage Talk

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DH and I went to an informal talk with other couples about the challenges of marital life.

50% of the couples had kids. Besides us, 100% of every other couple was in their first marriage. 

I’m sorry. I know it isn’t right to compare and it doesn’t feel good when nonstep parents compare their situations to ours. But I’ve just got to pause and internally chuckle at the struggles I heard about from the couples who did not have children, let alone skids and BMs to contend with.

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The Way BM’s word things...

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 It is as though she is the CEO of divorced moms everywhere. Every sentence has too many damn adverbs. They ooze drama that is “professional sounding” in the way those scam emails that pretend to alert you to an unauthorized user logging into your Apple iTunes account are. You know what I mean, Steppers? Please comment with examples so I can laugh. Ten more years. Ten more years of this psychopath. I saw her the other day. Geez does she look like dried dog poop flakes so gracefully ironic in the wind.

DH gets weekly Emails with these phrases:

Just a friendly reminder..

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Counseling Continues

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Went to counseling. With DH. Let DH lead. We were united. 

I am shocked to say I felt counseling was worthwhile. 

I do not believe SD13 is telling the counselor much beyond what her mother dearest has instructed her to say or carefully put into her head over months of manipulation. Nonetheless, I did get some tips on how to maintain my cool when dealing with a stone-faced adolescent who spies on me and craps on my kindness in a way that is so quiet, it can barely be addressed.

 

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CS-Free Island, Ten Years’ Journey Away

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Ten years.  It will be 10 years before the financial responsibilities my DH has to SD will be overwith.  Until then it will be court every year with the ex-wife who will try and claim that DH  should pay her more money. 

 To me it is like paying for a car that you wrecked as soon as you drove away from the car dealership. It is beyond frustrating because you know that the money is going to support poor parenting and an attitude of entitlement.  Not to mention all of the lies attached. 

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