Went to counseling. With DH. Let DH lead. We were united.
I am shocked to say I felt counseling was worthwhile.
I do not believe SD13 is telling the counselor much beyond what her mother dearest has instructed her to say or carefully put into her head over months of manipulation. Nonetheless, I did get some tips on how to maintain my cool when dealing with a stone-faced adolescent who spies on me and craps on my kindness in a way that is so quiet, it can barely be addressed.
Ten years. It will be 10 years before the financial responsibilities my DH has to SD will be overwith. Until then it will be court every year with the ex-wife who will try and claim that DH should pay her more money.
To me it is like paying for a car that you wrecked as soon as you drove away from the car dealership. It is beyond frustrating because you know that the money is going to support poor parenting and an attitude of entitlement. Not to mention all of the lies attached.
This morning I’ve been reading about Narcissistic Personality Disorder from a narcissist’s point of view on Quora. Interesting stuff.
I’m pretty sure BM has NPD based on her actions, opinions of people who have known her for decades, and oh yeah, that little golden psyche report which came back “inconclusive” during the divorce.
I often wake up with thoughts of sincere sympathy for my SD13. I worry for her future, for her development as a human being in a world that (mostly) values honesty and individuality. I imagine her future will be riddled with emotional blowups and lost friends. Or it will be some elaborate scheme where she is just like BM, absolutely hollow and at the “top” of her imaginary world.
Well today is the second day in that LONG Christmas 1/2 break I’m sure many of you are feeling with your skids.
When sd13 got here yesterday, DH asked her to apologize to me again for her theft and for the things she said to me. To which I responsed, “Ok. Thank you for your apology.” I don’t believe she is sorry. I believe she knows she is stuck here for 5 days and so she is acting right to prevent any discomfort.
counseling felt like a waste of time and money.
I like being disengaged from SD13. I like being polite and relaxed. I am able to be that way because I am emotionally disengaged from this child who steals from me.
well counseling was today.
Generally disappointing as the counselor seems to have bought into BM’s sad sad nonsense. Hopefully I am mistaken.
**sucking down a beer as I type-**
I couldn’t find a pair of earrings. I really thought SD13 had stolen them. I asked. She of course said “No.” I brought up (finally!) the stolen jewelry. I asked where it was.
“In that drawer” and she pointed.
“Try again,” I said.
“In my closet,” she answered.
”No, it isn’t in your closet. Because I found it and took it back. You just lied to me. You stole my jewelry, hid it for months and then just lied to me.”
So I’ve been thinking about how SD13 lied to CPS and said her dad physically abused her.
I imagine someday in the future she will report to BM that I am abusive or neglectful in some way to DS. If this happens, I think I will simply say this to SD13,
“You lied about how well I take care of DS. Because you lied about me, you don’t get to be around us as much. So we’ll see you on holidays and that’s it.”
Or not say anything at all except screw you for lying, and then basically disappear out of the house whenever she is here.
SD13 barely says an original thought during her two weekend visits a month at our house. She barely says anything at all. And it is wonderful.
It is like I don’t even have a SD anymore. That’s DH’s daughter, and that’s it. DS is referred to as “her little brother”, but I’m not even worried anymore about her being a bad influence because my DS is smart and I’m wise to who SS13 is slowly becoming.
I don’t go to her extracurriculars (what few there are).
I don’t make much conversation beyond polite small talk.