You are here

It has been a long while in stepuniverse since I last posted...

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

I would like to report, after reading many of my old blog posts, that things have greatly improved in my home I am expecting my second child with DH. YoungAdultSS is polite and even enjoyable when he visits our home. TeenageSD is rarely here because she chooses to stay at her mom's instead. We don't force her to visit or fight her on it. We are simply welcoming when she is here. When SD is here, she remains mostly silent but does seem to enjoy DS and playing card games with DH. I enjoy making small talk with her even if she does not choose to share much with us.

I am so glad I stuck it out with my DH. We have learned so much and grown so much through all of this nonsense his sad and bitter EX has put him through.  I am also so damn thankful I had this place to vent. It has really helped me overcome some anxiety and anger. It has also helped me simply not feel so alone and powerless.

It is still really sad to see my DH's kids, as they grow older, manifest issues caused by their mother's manipulation, anger, and emotional abuse of them. SD has a problem with theft and cheating. SS is fearful and mommy still controls him, even to the point of ruining his relationships with the last few girlfriends.

One question I wonder about though, how many of you plan on throwing a party when your youngest skid finally hits 18 and you no longer have to answer another email, text, or phone call from the EX?  haha I think I might have to throw a "freedom party." 


I hope these kids can carve out healthy lives despite who their mother is. I really, really do. I have hope even though there is not much at all I can do to change their situation.


Shazloo1234's picture

....too you by standing by your man and believing it will get better.

We're 7 years in and taking baby steps now to get skids back after not seeing them for over 2 years.

Thank you for giving us all hope....

SeeYouNever's picture

I think throwing a freedom party would be in poor taste and upset my husband. However I think it's a really good opportunity for one of us to get a new car! When CS is over it's the equivalent of getting a $12,000 a year pay raise! Actually forget the car I want a new renovated kitchen. 

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

I hope you get that kitchen exactly as you want it! 

For us, the freedom is not from the kids. It's from the EX's communication, manipulation, and desire to drag us into court for any time she recognizes our lives are going well. Nothing will be more delicious and worth celebrating than freedom from her pitiful nonsense.

CLove's picture

Yes, things CAN get better.

I spent Christmas morning listening as SD21 begged to move back because her mother was asking her to clean and DH telling her, no, its not going to be any different at our house, she will still be required to clean. Back when she was a teenager she was the boomerang child and when things got bad between eitehr parent shed pack her stuff in garbage bags and move to the less offending household.

So, for me this place was awesome as well, when i joined 4 years ago. I was sad and miserable and ready to leave.

But I stuck it out and life is GENERALLY ok.

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

Good to see you again, too!

This site taught me a lot about the common pitfalls in these situations, just how unique every single situation is, and how the bottomline to success seems to be DH and I being on the same page. I feel like had I  not discovered this site when I did, I would have spent years being walked on by skids while my DH was walked on too. DH now gives me a lot of credit for helping him see past any guilt at choosing a happier life for himself through divorcing their mother.