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Update blog

praying's picture

Hey everyone. It has been so long since I have posted here.

I have received a few messages here asking about how I was doing. Sorry for being gone from the site so long.

I guess I should start with the bad news first.

Ss has become extremely solitary. He spends most of the day in his room, ignoring us. At least he has the dog for some company. We had to stop him from seeing the girl because she was giving him alcohol and marijuana. Doing this created WW3 in our house. It was a nightmare.

We recently found out he has been hurting himself. He chews up the inside of his mouth until its just filled with sores. At a medical check up, the doctor found large bruises all over his body. But luckily Ss confessed to doing it himself. We did have a talk with social services though. The therapist says that he seems to want to feel pain. But since he has stopped talking to the therapist, we don't know the real reason he is doing it. Ss still spends a lot of nights crying. It really upsets us. But without him telling us what he needs, there is only so much we can do.

We are also sending him to a sexual health therapist to help him understand his feelings on his sexuality, as well as trying to change his attitude towards sex itself. He is a teenage boy. I am sure it is confusing enough for a normal boy, so I can't imagine what he might be feeling. This therapist is one of the best in the area. So we hope she will make a difference. She has said he will struggle with sex for a long time, but getting him help early will definitely help.

Now for the good news!

First, Ss has been eating better. He has gained almost 23 lbs and is no longer considered severely underweight. He has also grown quite tall. We are so glad that his growth become less of an issue. He is turning out to be a very handsome young man. I just wish he saw that too. In the mall we saw two girls giggling shyly at him. But he didn't notice. And for the first time I saw my Dh smiling and making jokes with Ss about it. And I swear I saw Ss crack half a smile. I almost burst into tears right there. I cannot remember how long it has been since I saw him smile.

And he has been doing the stimulation therapy regularly and has much better bowel control now. So there has been a great improvement.

Ss has also been working hard on his school online classes. He has almost caught up to the grade he is supposed to be in. And his grades have been phenomenal. I bake him a cake or cookies for every A he gets. And with all the A's he has been getting, it is no wonder he has gained weight. And I have become awesome at baking from scratch! I'm giving myself a pat on the back for this idea

Ss is still not talking much but he is warming up to my Dh again. They go on bike rides together again. My Dh spends time in his room everyday, just watching tv or movies together. I am so happy for my Dh. We are in a much better place. And with Ss improving, I can see the extreme pressure on my Dh lifting. He still worries, but now he sleeps better most nights. Hopefully in time, we will try and get Ss to make some new friends. But it is baby steps for now.

Ss seems to have more peaceful moments then ever before. His life isn't a mess of tears and anger all the time. There are now times when he seems almost normal. Right this moment, he is outside taking a nap with the dog cuddling beside him in the shade. It is really adorable.

So while things may not be perfect, I can happily say they are going amazingly well. So well in fact, that I have a smile on my face writing this blog instead of my usual tears.

So if anyone still remembers me, thank you with all my heart. I will try and post updates more often. This site and some of its member have been a godsend.

Comments

misSTEP's picture

Thank you so much for taking the time to update us. I am glad that your SS seems to be headed in the right direction!

arjuna79's picture

Oh Praying, thank you so much for the update. I'm so glad to hear that things are slowly coming around. Holding that safe space for him will let him find his healing. Blessings to all of you!

Shaman29's picture

Thank you for the update Praying! I'm glad to here there are some positives again in your situation.

Starla's picture

Awesome with so much great news Smile Its important that you are seeing so many positive things.

Hurting himself often means bringing on a different form of pain that he can take when he feels the pain of his other problems are too much. It takes a lot of time to come around even when receiving professional help. Is he comfortable having to talk about sex with a female though?

Hurting himself could also be him wanting others to notice that he is hurting. Emotional pain often goes unnoticed bc its on the inside and the victim can't get away from it.

With the eating problem in his past too, he struggles with feeling a lack of control. For it to improve, your doing something right and he is moving forward. Give the weight no attention being he's doing good with it. Compliments on his high points/talents could be very helpful for him. If there is a hobby that he can get into, that would allow him to have something healthy he can focus on.

Its a lot of baby steps and often gets worse before it gets better. Does sound like its going in the right direction though.

Lalena75's picture

I'm so glad you took the time to update us. Though it's not perfect it sounds like there's been many forward steps. I've thought of you and your family often so big hugs on all you've handled so far.

Most Evil's picture

Hey wow, that is great news!!!! Thinking of you and please keep us posted. Smile