I would like to report, after reading many of my old blog posts, that things have greatly improved in my home I am expecting my second child with DH. YoungAdultSS is polite and even enjoyable when he visits our home. TeenageSD is rarely here because she chooses to stay at her mom's instead. We don't force her to visit or fight her on it. We are simply welcoming when she is here. When SD is here, she remains mostly silent but does seem to enjoy DS and playing card games with DH. I enjoy making small talk with her even if she does not choose to share much with us.
An update on my situation from my forum post 'No More Alone Time'
First of all I never got to see my counsellor since she had to get tested for Covid. And things have been a bit calmer since so I haven't rescheduled.