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Close To Callin It Quits

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

Welp, I am young, smart and capable of independence. If I wasn't, my life as a stepmom might be easier to stomach.

 

My DH has been guilted and manipulated by the ex yet again. SS18 has been having mental issues (breakdowns, rage etc caused by his psycho mother, no doubt) and his counselor has recommended DH make more of an effort to have SS18 feel welcome in our home. SS has never apologized to me for the hateful things he has said. In fact, he has doubled down in his choice of pretending I don’t exist when our paths cross. Oh but it is excusable! His mother made him this way! Boo hoo.

 DH either doesn’t notice this disrespect or doesn’t know how to address it, so he ignores it. In his words, “i’m the adult. Why do I left SS18 and SD13 get to me?” And now I have to further open my home up to this nonsense? Oh and as a sweet bonus, we get sD13 an extra day too. 

Being around skids gives me a stomach ache of anxiety. Do I really want that for decades?

 

We go to see a counselor in about a week.

 

I have told DH that he either figures out how to enforce very basic boundaries with his f-ed up kids or I leave. I explained to him that this will get WORSE with time, not better. 

I do not want DS to grow up watching me get treated like I have no value and then watch DH reiterate that by doing nothing.

 

Being a stepparent is such a crap gig. 

 

 

 

 

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

like the wind!!!

Evil3's picture

Good for you for telling your DH that he either yank his kids' chains or you're out. I got shunned by my step-bitch for over 7 years while she lived with us full-time. I snapped when I informed DH that I cannot be with a man who thinks that I warrant that kind of treatment, especially in front of our DD. I told DH I was not going to teach DD that I should run around cleaning the fuck up after a narcissistic cow and contributing financially towards the comfort of this monster. I will no longer be a sucker. Of course he tried gaslighting me, but I threatened that if he dared gaslight me one more time, I was out. Our counsellor backed me up and even made comments about having SD assessed. I think the mention of the possibility of there being something wrong with SD by a mental health professional made DH realize that he could no longer get away with trying to blame the wrong person. I really hope your counsellor rips your DH a new one. Stay strong. Good luck at your session.

tankh21's picture

Yes, step life is a load of crap. I just started seeing a counselor because of everything and I hope that she rips my DH a new one too!

ITB2012's picture

"I do not want DS to grow up watching me get treated like I have no value and then watch DH reiterate that by doing nothing."

This is exactly my problem now. I have spent too much time fighting for equal footing and respect from DH and the double-standards when it comes to the kids/skids and my DS has watched me get treated this way so he has picked up on some of it.

shamds's picture

and stepmummy make more of an effort to welcome him at home so he doesn’t have his current rude, disrespectful behaviours and shunning you (which is what he is doing), there is no “don’t shun your stepmum, be civil and respectful to her”. 

Then daddy excuses his behaviour saying “oh he’s a child of divorce, he’s been wronged because he was neglected by his mum and me busy with work” or “me and his mum couldn’t co-parent so he has been wronged, its not his fault”.

child of divorce or not, neglected or not, you know from everyday life about respect, civility, politeness etc so it’s ridiculous to excuse it. The problem is everyone excuses ss behaviour and lack of respect and his rudeness. Nobody has held him accountable 

i told my husband late last yr i was done with his 3 kids for the rest of my life. I was done with him since it was clear after 4 years of marriage he didn’t have me and our kids back, he had no intention of making active changes, that he was part of the problem that he enabled, encouraged the bad treatment and behaviour of me and our kids by the 3 skids (his kids with the ex) and he excused it repeatedly and justified it with the most ridiculous behaviour. I told him this was on him for destroying our marriage by not addressing any of these issues because boohoo some 20yr olds feeling may get hurt...

i told my husband divorce was the only option. That scared the shit out of him and made him angry that his kids sith ex have been a never ending source of rudeness, disrespect and hell for him and they were destroying our lives but hubby was enabling and encouraging them to do this. 

Hubby put his foot doen with ss21, i am still ignored along with our 2 kids, sd’s are still pas’d out and pretend i don’t exist and ignore their dad unless they need favours or money. Hubby has told ss when he comes home from uni that he pays a sign of respect to me and acknowledge me and say hi and shake my hand (this is part of asian culture and our religion), ss said he said hi as he entered the house. Yup ss said hi to the wall, hubby said its not hard to just say “hi stepmum i’m back from uni”, but ss makes it like he’ll die of imaginary stress syndrome

i have 2 weeks till i fly back to my country to finish my degree and our kids start school... skids won’t be an issue for me as i’ll rarely ever see them this point forward and hubby wouldn’t dare try to invite skids over to my country to my home... 

op you have perfectly reasonable expectations or demands just like most people do, unfortunately daddy doesn’t wanna have to deal with ss hissy fits and arguments

notasm3's picture

The POS is 18. That’s legally an adult. You know damn well your DH is not going to say one word to him. 

So it’s time for you to step up. Feel free to tell the worthless bastard SS what you really think of him. Why not?  What’s your DH going to do - divorce you?  Good riddance to bad rubbish. 

Oh I and would make it PERFECTLY clear that his sorry ass is NOT welcome in my home. 

All of this should be done calmly and with far less swearing than I have done in this post. Just the facts. He’s disgusting and repulsive.