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Why why why

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

Why do friends of my DH bring up SS18 in polite conversation? Dh, baby and I are out as a family. We run into dh’s friends. These people KNOW ss18 is hateful towards us, that he is a narcissist in training. At his mention, I want to throw back my head and say, “LITERALLY you could mention ANYTHING else under the sun and yet you choose to bring up something so painful and traumatic for us. Why why why why?” 

Dh says these people are just trying to connect with him. He is right. 

But dammit, I want to move VERY FAR away from this community. I want a FRESH start. I worry at times that ss18 will never leave this community and I will have to have these interactions for decades to come. 

 

NO THANK YOU TO THAT

 

Comments

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Goddamnit I hate it when people mention stepdemon like ffs pick a new subject you idiots! Even my real kids are guilty of mentioning stepdemon. I low key shut them down every time.

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

And that is what hurts the most. I CANNOT EVER be honest and tell people how f ing messed up these skids are. That sd13 binge eats whole boxes of cereal in an afternoon, steals from me, barely has two words to say to her father, and (!) can’t even answer whether she likes mashed potatoes or not because she can’t remember if mommydearest told her to like them or hate them. 

These kids are NOT ALLOWED to have individual identities. Every sport, every fundraiser, every sock they put on is orchestrated by mommydearest the queen covert narc to achieve an image.

 

Props to you for shutting that stuff down asap.

 

 

Btw, sd13 barely says a word at our house for eow visits. I’m going to quit being around during her visits. Kid creeps me out.

Bruulee's picture

Wow, SD13 dont say a word at all? Is she like that in school? With friends? Shit! My ss15 said NO to me in a week, then I got a call from him today cuz he forgot to turn the tv? really!’

thinkthrice's picture

is a Girhippo clone!  Chef's oldest half bro, Seasoned Citizen comes over maybe once a year when his computer needs fixing and asks Chef if he's seen the three PASed out for over a decade ferals.  He knows darn well Chef hasnt seen them as he lives in Girhippoville.  Mr. Neutral who also lives in Girhippoville coaxes Chef to see his brats (on their terms) 

Unreal!

momjeans's picture

I think sometimes people are at a loss what to say or make conversation about when running into others at a moments notice. Small talk is generally a no-brainer, and small talk generally involves inquiries about kids, family, work, the weather...

With all that in mind, I’d like to think that’s what’s going on in this case. “Oh hi! How are you? Cute baby! Btw, how’s SS?”

DH and I used to get this A LOT when we lived in the same city,state as skid. We’d be out to dinner with our the newborn. “Hey! How are you? Oh, this is your new wife? Nice to meet you. How’s skid, DH?”

Ugh. I totally feel your frustration. 

 

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

These people mean well. They do. They are trying to be kind and positive. On a deeper level, they may sense our pain and may be trying to positive-outthink it. 

As a new mom and a newcomer wife to a more this man’s community, I feel swallowed up by other people’s lives. I’m just sick of it. HOW do i pry them from my conscious and never let them back in again? 

momjeans's picture

Yeah, toxic positivity is a thing. I feel you. 

On the flip side, I’ve definitely felt the weight of said small talk with an exaggerated inquiry about skid, almost in a shameful tone. As if to ask DH and I how dare we be out enjoying life without skid. Like, where is skid!?

So lame.

 

Dovina's picture

Just say the skid is sweeping the chimney then cackle Wink

momjeans's picture

Just say the skid is sweeping the chimney then cackle.

O M G. Too funny.

I cackled reading this, Dovina.

sunshinex's picture

I totally relate to this, even with my own family.

If I mention I bought something for our 19 month old, i'll hear "oh what about SD, did you get her one too?" or if I mention taking him somewhere, they'll say "oh did SD like it?" to which I have to respond that no, I didn't bring SD... I feel like people feel the need to remind me that she's part of my family, and I get it, she is, but I don't NEED to include her in every single thing I do for/with my son. 

I mean, it's not like anyone is asking about BS when I talk about SD.

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

I am so done buying things for sd13. I plan to not even be around when she is here. It’s too painful to watch her interact with her dad. She is not allowed to bond with either of us. 

 

God I hope these narcissists in training stay the heck away from my son down the road. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

in polite chit chat and asking about family is generally a normal part of basic amenity conversation.

It is also possible that if these people have known these kids for a while , that they may or may not experience them in the same way that you  do. They probably  would be content with a , "they are fine response. "  When you make a general inquiry about someone's family, are you really probing for a great deal of personal information?

Give your cursory response and move on to another topic.

 

 

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

This is what I need to do. But I am NOT good at it. It unravels me. I feel these people are buying into the lies mommydearest has created. I feel they are further instilling in skids that the world is a place where image us everything and truth is a sidenote. It fills me with anger and acts as a distraction from my happiness.

SteppedOut's picture

You feel like this because step-life is so uncomfortable and stressfull. But, never having been in such a family, CG can not relate or fathom that important bit. 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Notice my username? Stepbrat is persona non grata. He is not my family. I will not ever “chit chat” about that jerk. Godf*ckingdammit. 

To hell with making nice nice about a punk that tries to undermine my authority as my real kids’ mother, has engaged in subterfuge In attempts to destroy my marriage, has lied about me trying to get me into trouble with my DuH, lied about his mother to garner so much attention/sympathy/money.

Has stolen from me, stolen treats meant for the whole family, hoarding trash in his disgusting bedroom. Is pathologically lazy.

NOPE! 

tog redux's picture

They are asking about his kid, that’s a polite thing to do.  If they know the issues, just say, “no changes!” And if they don’t give a simple answer. 

I’m not clear why people making polite conversation is so upsetting?

momjeans's picture

This is perfect! 

My response should have been “Needy AF. Skid is (still) needy AF.”

LOL

momjeans's picture

Because more often than not, people use small talk to break an uncomfortable silence or be a time filler.

So, imagine how awkward it is to have someone inquire about skid(s) when the step situation IS uncomfortable/insert whatever adjective here - for you, the non bio parent. I imagine it only amplifies unpleasant feelings. I know it did for me.

Our lives were centered around skid SO MUCH the first few years, post DH’s divorce, and before we had children of our own. The times skid was with BM, or rather anywhere else but with us, were glorious. The last person I wanted to think about was her. I imagine it’s the same for those that are around their skids 24/7.

In my personal experience, it’s all people could relate to when they ran into DH. “How’s skid?” or “Hey, I ran into BM at Target the other night.”

I wanted to scream “Who freaking cares!?”

 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Many of my acquaintances don’t know stepbrat exists; I go to great lengths to not allow StepHell to taint every aspect of my life. That’s how odious I find it.

Because Biowh0re and Dirtclan are trash we don’t roll with the same types of people; I set the bar a little bit higher lol. Thus, no acquaintance asks about stepdemon or Biowh0re. Biggrin

My mother does though; I change the subject or say “he’s with his mother.” With emphasis on the word “mother” to show my scorn. Then, I change the subject.

My kids mention stepbrat; I say “I don’t wanna talk about that. Let’s talk about something else; do you want some fruit?”