I had a few great days with FDH. Hard days because we were moving but no drama because BM and skids weren’t bothering us. That all started to change last night. I swear, he’s such a bone head and just isn’t getting this sometimes.

The night before last I asked him to set up our lamps in our new bedroom as there is no overhead lighting and I needed light. He said “Sure. I need to fix one because I broke the light bulb”. I went in the room that night to find he’d set up the good lamp on his side of the bed but hadn’t gotten around to fixing the broken one for me. No big deal. But then last night, he comes home from work and I see him start getting ready to put the kids’ bunk beds together. I am irritated because we have SO much to do, most of it falling on me, and they won’t be here until Thursday. I happen to be standing in the room when he walks in and moves MY broken lamp aside to get lamps for the kids’ room (needed it to see to put beds together, I am sure. But he was obviously planning to install their special reading lights too). So this goes down:

Me: Nicely. “Hey, are you still going fix that lamp and set it up for me?
Him: Looking down at his hands filled with kid lamps then back at me and not so nicely “NOW? You need it right this minute?”
Me: Caught off guard by the tone “Um”
Him: A little nicer “You need it done right this second?”
Me: Not at all nice “No, by all means, please focus your efforts on fixing up the room for the people who will be here in THREE NIGHTS!” I walked away.
Of course, this made him realize that his plan was asinine and he immediately took care of my needs and very enthusiastically announced that he completed the task and was all kissy face the rest of the night ad all was well other than sewage backing up in the house and a late night plumber

This morning he decided to work from home. I was off work mostly other than two big presentations I had to give for work via conference call (planned time off for unpacking). I was feeling rough with back and neck issues and sinus problems. So I went back to lie down for a while. I came out to prepare for my first big call and find him chatting away on the phone with BM. I hear him say “Yeah, I was going to give him so old furniture but he’s getting a furnished apartment”. (He was referring to SS18 whom he is picking up from college Thursday afternoon). The conversation went on and on about various topics and I was getting more and more pissed. He could see I was visibly upset and he finally said “OK, let me go” to BM.

When he got off the phone I let him have it. How many times have I recently asked him to stop being buddy-buddy with her? I asked why they were on the phone? He said she wanted to know if/what day we were taking the skids this week. I said “That is a question she could ask via text and your answer needed to be one word—‘Thursday’” I asked him why he was telling her our business about the furniture thing with SS18. He said it came up in conversation when he asked BM how much stuff SS18 had at college because he needed to know if it would fit in the car. He said “I was just talking to her about SS18….” I explained to him that SS18 is a grown man at college and he needs to talk to SS about issues related to SS and not go through his mother. I reiterated that these casual unneeded conversations are just opening the window for all sorts of boundary crossing and IT MUST STOP.

He apologized. But I simply think he just doesn’t get it. We will be discussing this tomorrow night in counseling. They never talk of anything of substance like the kids’ failing grades, strategies to parent them more effectively, what the doctor said, etc… But they have these stupid chats and I realize it’s probably way more frequent than he lets on. (Pretty sure I surprised him today by coming out of the room when I did). I love this man dearly and he is so good in so many ways. But dammit, this is going to make me crazy.