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Should you trust your SO and take their word for everything?

how2step's picture

Should you trust your SO and take their word for everything and give them the benefit of the doubt with no reservations? Even if you find out from their kids that their ex was hanging out at their house for dinner and they never mentioned it to you even though you talk every day? They simply left that out of the conversation? And when you ask them why they did not mention it they get very agitated?Should you just not bring it up and trust them anyways?

Siemprematahari's picture

Why on earth would you ignore something like that? I don't care how upset he gets this has to be addressed and not swept under the rug.

Should you just not bring it up and trust them anyways?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^Yeah you should bring this up, real quick!!!

strugglingbutstrong_'s picture

If my DH's ex ever came into our home and I wasn't there, I would lose it! It's not fair to anyone in the siuation. The kids get hope mom and dad might get back together, and not to mention it is VERY disrespectful to you! Regardless of context or intent, now is not the time to play house with your ex. Do that stuff while you're single and then RESPECT your partner. Do you know how that makes you look? How the BM must think your SO thinks of you?! Oh this makes my blood boil!! You're helping raise kids you didn't make or ask for and this is how your generosity is returned?! Girl, LEAVE!! He doesn't deserve you and you deserve BETTER!

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Allowing biohag into his house, vehicle etc is a boundary violation. So, no.

My DH knows his whore ex isn’t allowed in our home, vehicle, events, life etc.

The Bitch isn’t allowed in even if I’m home.

Step-girlfriend's picture

"Should you trust your SO and take their word for everything?"

"Keeping secrets and withholding information."

"Marrying someone with debt and poor finances."

"Who foot the bills for step kids?"

 

These are the titles of your last 4 blogs. Why on earth would you stay with this woman?

RogueSM's picture

from your last post of this and finding out she has lied to you and now you are still quesdtioning this, it obviosuly has not passed or resolved itself.  You are still questioning it and her actions.  You have every right to talk about it and she should be honest with you, you DESERVE it.  From reading the previous posts she is holding a lot from you and thats not good.  

Since you are not married or living together, getting out now would not be so bad or hard.  You deserve better than this.

PS- If I ever found out my DH's X was in my home for whatever reason he thought was acceptable, well he can follow her out the bloody door!!!

 

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You know this relationship isn't good for you, and this woman is not a high quality candidate for a long term partnership. Why do you keep reframing questions about it? The majority of members on this site are women; we know things men don't about the games some of our gender play and have pointed them out to you.

She wants what she wants, and isn't fully committed to you. She's terrible with money, a lazy parent, gaslights you when you try to express your concerns, and has an enabling battleax of a mother who wants you to marry and become the cash cow instead of her. 

You need to look inward and identify why you're hanging on so hard to a relationship that has no future. Meanwhile, please double up on condoms. You do not want to get trapped by an Oopsie pregnancy. 

ESMOD's picture

The bottom line is that he didn't tell you about what he had done because he knew that you would not have approved.. maybe even given him a load of crap over it.  So.. he decided to just leave that out.

Now.. do you throw the relationship out because of what he did.. and further that he defacto lied about it? or at the very least it was a sin of omission?

Only you can really answer that question for yourself. 

If you think he did it because he thought it would be good for his kids and you truly trust he didn't have any thing going on with BM.. then.. maybe you figure out a way forward.  Not that the way forward includes him hanging out with his EX at her house.. but that you figure out how to be more open and honest with each other.

It may well be possible that he had good intentions for his kids.. but he did not honor his relationship with you.

I would not stay with him if you can't talk through this.. where you get to understand truly where his mind was and that he can truly understand why it was so hurtful for him to do something he knew you would not be happy about.. and then pretty much hide it from you.

tog redux's picture

I think you should be able to trust what your partner says, yes. 

I certainly wouldn't make it long in a relationship where I doubted he was telling me the truth. 

Cbarton12's picture

No. I don't think you should trust blindly. And this is 100% something you need to bring up and discuss with her. 

flmomma08's picture

No. She has given you reason not to trust her - don't ignore it. It is not normal to have dinner with an ex, especially when it is a SECRET from your current partner.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Short Answer: No

Long Answer: There should be a sense of trust in a relationship. However when someone has proved to not be fully trustworthy that sense deminishes if not vanishes. As such, they've lost enough of your trust they now need to earn it back and things will no loger be taken at face value.

1wonder woman's picture

If this was my SO and I found out he and his ex-wife had dinner together with their kids behind my back and he kept it from me... well shit would hit the fan and because of his actions I'd never trust him again.  I feel if he lies to me about the small stuff then he will lie to me about the big stuff.

The reason your ex acted agitated is she knows what she did behind your back was wrong and she was busted.  You have every right to me upset... When two people get a divorce the first thing they are to do is disengage and set boundaries.  Now think about the what if's... what if those old feelings resurfaced one day between these two people that use to love one another once upon a time  and here they are all alone... you know and I know what could very well happen and trust me it happens everyday.  Your SO should want to protect your relationship with her for starters setting some boundaries and she should always be open and honest with you about everything.  Her and her ex-husband are no longer married and these two should not be having dinner together period especially behind your back and in front of their kids and he should not even be inside her home alone with her with their children.

 Now what message are they giving their kids?  Think about it... Mixed messages... false hopes that one day their parents will get back together.  trust me I came from a divorce family and the one thing I wanted the most in the World was to get my two parents back together.  When two people get a divorce the sooner they disengage and act like two divorced couples should be acting and the sooner the better off it is for the kids. So many people try to be friends after a divorce and they put on a pretend show for their kids and trust me all they are doing is hurting their kids in the end.  The fact is the are divorced and they are suppose to move on with other people that is what divorced couples normally do after they are divorced... they let go and move on with other people.  

Your SO should care about your feelings and she should want to make you happy... she should show you more respect and stop lying to you and most of all let go of her ex-husband.  How can you move forward with your next love if you refuse to let go of your last love?