Just a little bit of an update.
Last night, while driving Munchkin home from her gmas house, we got into one of our many anti-Feral Forger conversations. We seem to get caught up these tense feedback loops whereby she will go into details of how lazy, mean and rude her sister is. And then reminisce about her past transgressions. I can see that she is hurt, and resentful. Shes normally so sweet and loving, and I think sometimes I encourage this releasing of resentment, because she feels safe with me and because I lived it too at one time.
Things have been going pretty good around the house, but last night we ended up addressing the 'elephant in the room'. There's so much more to the evening, but I won't hash it all out here. I've been processing it all this morning and looking to Brene Brown for a bit of clarity and inspiration.
“It’s not about ‘what can I accomplish?’ but ‘what do I want to accomplish?’ Paradigm shift.”
~ Brene Brown
It's the Monday after visitation weekend and time to decompress! SS11 (SS10 had a birthday) and SS15 were here for the weekend and it was actually pretty darn good. For the first time ever, SS11 asked MR.
Years ago, my big sister told me, "I never let go of something I can't afford to lose." She said she never wanted money or material things to ruin a relationship, so although she was always pretty generous about helping people out, she never loaned, gave, or let people borrow anything she would be upset about never seeing again. Good stuff. I adopted that rule and made it my own long ago. I haven't always upheld it in my weaker moments, but I always consider it when I'm faced with a decision on where to spend my time, money, and energy. It helps ward off unnece
Last night I once again found myself cuddled up under my favorite comforter Googling "Running Away as an Adult". I have no immediate plans to "run away" from my life, however, I did decide to work harder toward creating a life I actually love and therefore simultaneously prepare myself for a future on my own if that day ever comes.
So, yesterday I worked really hard to disengage from the SD16 drama and her first day back to HS. I ended up having an awesome day working, cooking (which I actually find enjoyable), and even found a little time for MR. ED and I to run errands together while enjoying an open air jeep ride. Good stuff.
I have been venting a lot since I started blogging on ST and naturally much of it is negative. On a positive note, I've also been reading A LOT of what you fine folks have to say and with your help, have been learning more about disengaging. Well, SD16 (the only one at home f/t) started back to school this morning and although I have had a couple of hiccups, I feel MUCH less stress having ramped up the disengagement. This is hard for me because I was admittedly a Mama Bear to my BS during his school years, I've been responsible for helping get SKIDS (particularly the girls) ready for the
When I have a problem I see many sides to the feelings of the people involved. Maybe it's because I'm female, maybe I'm too sensitive, maybe I fit with the "Empath" label, maybe I think too much, or maybe a combination of all. I have this habit of agonizing over all the possible consequences my decisions will make on the emotions of others.
The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to Do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life by Dr. Patricia Love
It was copyrighted 1990, so was pretty cheap off Ebay.
I wanted to share that I found this great book dealing with unhealthy parental boundaries (not sexual incest, just unhealthy boundaries). Written by a therapist who provides lots of examples from her own counseling sessions and is written in easy to understand, commen sense language.
To start - In the beginning of my relationship with my fiance I developed a quick relationship with the youngest son 9 years old. He was loving and kind from the start, but it only seemed to be at the surface level with hugs and snuggling (he was 8 at the time). Over the last year and a half a lot has changed. Anytime I ask for a favor it's met with "No" and "Why". I don't feel that its him cutting me off or saying no because he wants to "show me". I truly feel he's just lazy and doesnt want to help period.