A Different Life: Googling, Daydreaming, and Goal Setting
Last night I once again found myself cuddled up under my favorite comforter Googling "Running Away as an Adult". I have no immediate plans to "run away" from my life, however, I did decide to work harder toward creating a life I actually love and therefore simultaneously prepare myself for a future on my own if that day ever comes.
The reality is...If I HAD to leave right now, it would be very stressful. I don't have savings, haven't had much in my name for years to build credit, and my health both emotionally and physically is not on point. I gave my car to DS when he graduated, so the old jeep I drive now is actually in MR. ED's name. I just never had a need to buy me another after he got a shiny newer one for himself. If I had to leave now, maybe I could get it done or maybe my depression and anxiety would creep back in hard. I don't feel comfortable with the odds. Plus...the million-dollar question is...would I put up with all this dysfunction if I were comfortable picking up and leaving at a moment's notice? That is a hard reality pill to swallow, but I will never really know the answer until I put myself in a better position to make those decisions with a clear head.
So, while googling and daydreaming, I came up with a few goals to work on...
- I want to buy a van to convert to a super cute mobile living/traveling/workspace. If you haven't seen this trend, check it out on YouTube. There are some pretty creative and amazing nomadic people out there! MR. ED and I have talked about doing this anyway for when SD16 leaves the nest and we get more time to travel and do cross-country thrifting/antiquing. Not sure if he will ever actually do that with me, but I would totally rock this as an instant mobile home/mobile office if I ever left out on my own. It could be an awesome adventure! If things work out...I'll have a nicely decked out work/travel van in my name and I'll just feel better about that!
- I want to study harder to become fluent in Spanish. I have Latin roots, but can only carry on a basic conversation or sing a song at this point. I was on my way to becoming fluent when I meshed with MR. ED, but I stopped hanging out with multi-cultural friends, going salsa dancing, and therefore having regular opportunities to speak Spanish. Being fluent could add a good bonus source of income as a translator, help my confidence, and may come in handy if I ever decide to escape to a tropical hideaway. This house is pretty culturally deficient, so I'm working on rekindling some friendships and pulling out the Rosetta Stone software. The salsa dancing might cause an understandable riff, so not sure if that will be in the mix just yet.
- I want to get in better physical shape and lose weight. When I left for a month, I dropped 20 lbs...seriously. I ate better, I shopped more efficiently, and I got out of the house (or extended-stay hotel) so much more. I was ACTIVE. Pre-MR. ED, I went to the gym 3-5 days/week, went dancing a few times/month, and hiked regularly. I haven't done any of that for years! Losing weight again will help my confidence, I'll stop feeling like an old person, it may help our romantic life, and if I ever do find myself single again...I'll feel and look damn good! ;) It is so hard to eat healthy around people who eat totally unhealthy. I'll have to work hard on this one.
- I want to work harder and save more. Disengagement is the key to this one. The less time I waste on stressing over SKIDS and taking care of responsibilities that should be MR. ED's, the more time I have to spend on earning and saving money. I'm done wasting that time. When I finish this post, I'm throwing out my big beautiful magnetic Household To-Do Board hanging in the kitchen. F-it! I like my home clean, love to cook, and enjoy decorating, but I never wanted to be a domestic goddess/maid. I told MR. ED last night I'm no longer doing his laundry or picking up after him or SKIDS around the house. The look on his face, you'd swear I told him I was leaving him! "W-w-what?!?! O-ok." *ROFL* My mind is shifting more to building my business, enjoying my home, and enjoying my relationship with MR. ED. My mind is no longer on being their maid, chauffeur, personal assistant, cook, dishwasher, and knower-of-where-all-things-are.
Is anyone else working on doing more of what they love or prepping for a possible 'escape'? I'd love to hear what you're working on or things you miss doing that you'd like to reclaim.
Not your circus, not your monkeys, and they do not define who you are! *yahoo*