So while at work last night my DH took it upon himself to ring SD explaining my side of issue. He pretty much told her " for now " I'm not interested in anything with her my word was never, he told her F/child will not be involved until he see's she's able to change. I'm feeling annoyed that he only made her wait 2 days when I told him I need time to think what I wanted which after talking with this group I felt confident to express to him but decided to disengage with SD & her family & not reply to her.
Does anyone else ever feel like their DH and skids misunderstand their motivations and intentions for doing things? I get the feeling mine do…a LOT.
I knew something big was coming with SD17 (SD16...she had a birthday) and so did many of you STalkers following my blog posts. If you called it....consider this story an affirmation of your perceptive awesomeness and ability to stop BS in it's tracks. If you didn't see it coming and are still giving your self-destructive teens the benefit of the doubt...well, let this be a cautionary tale! If you don't have time or energy to read this long post in its entirety, jump to the bottom for the MORAL OF THE STORY.
Here we go...
You decide one morning you are finally going to start meditating. You make yourself some calming tea, light your new lavender candle, find some yoga music to stream, and head to your fluffy rug with a comfy cushion in hand. All set. Let's do this. With your eyes gently closed, you start focusing on your breathing, and think, "Ah...this is niiiice. I'm so glad I'm finally doing this."
Last night I once again found myself cuddled up under my favorite comforter Googling "Running Away as an Adult". I have no immediate plans to "run away" from my life, however, I did decide to work harder toward creating a life I actually love and therefore simultaneously prepare myself for a future on my own if that day ever comes.
So, yesterday I worked really hard to disengage from the SD16 drama and her first day back to HS. I ended up having an awesome day working, cooking (which I actually find enjoyable), and even found a little time for MR. ED and I to run errands together while enjoying an open air jeep ride. Good stuff.
I have been venting a lot since I started blogging on ST and naturally much of it is negative. On a positive note, I've also been reading A LOT of what you fine folks have to say and with your help, have been learning more about disengaging. Well, SD16 (the only one at home f/t) started back to school this morning and although I have had a couple of hiccups, I feel MUCH less stress having ramped up the disengagement. This is hard for me because I was admittedly a Mama Bear to my BS during his school years, I've been responsible for helping get SKIDS (particularly the girls) ready for the
Ever since EX1 and EX2 and SD21 made their disagreement with us getting engaged be known, I've been on a mission: learning how to disengage from them and their drama and still hold onto my relationship. This sh*t is hard. We have broken up in the past due to this drama with them. FH has a tendency to run when it gets tough because that's all he's ever done. But he doesn't want to continue that behavior and he also doesn't want to let them dictate anything we do. He wants me by his side at every event, even if they don't like it.
So Dh finally received my letter in regards to putting my foot down in being stuck with BMs kid dumping. He told me that he will tell her that we will no longer be taking monster and princess when it is not our days!!! I feel like a weight has been lifted!! He also said he will no longer leave me with all the kids by myself because I am not his babysitter!!! But that he wants me to "feel" like a stepmother? I could literally scream with happiness and only wish I had the balls to have made my demands sooner! Following is my response I wrote to him. Do you guys think it's acceptable?
The straw that broke the camel's back.
SS15 who will be 16 this coming week has the maturity of a 10 year old; the hormonal temperment of a teenager; and the difficulties that come with an Aspberger's Syndrome kiddo. He has spent this entire school year Fing around and is failing several subjects. I made it clear, that I am not paying for another year of private school (and the school he is going to is wonderful...he just doesn't give a flying flip and doesn't do a damn thing in class anymore) if this is his attitude.
His father, my DH, is furious with me.