Last week before the skids went back to their mom’s they told us that they were going on a mini vacation with their grandmother (BMs mom). They had casually mentioned it a while back but there were no solid plans. Then literally hours before walking out the door for a long weekend with their BM (we swapped some days so we weren’t going to see them for 5 days) they say “Oh, by the way, our vacation with grandma is Sunday through Wednesday.” Monday and Tuesday were supposed to be our days. Nobody even mentioned this or offered to trade.
You decide one morning you are finally going to start meditating. You make yourself some calming tea, light your new lavender candle, find some yoga music to stream, and head to your fluffy rug with a comfy cushion in hand. All set. Let's do this. With your eyes gently closed, you start focusing on your breathing, and think, "Ah...this is niiiice. I'm so glad I'm finally doing this."
I think I have finally reached the point where I am going to start disengaging.
This week has really tested me. SD has no respect for personal property not her own and certainly not anyone else's. A few days ago, she kept leaving her guitar on the ground and slamming it onto chairs and into walls.
Just this morning, I find dumbbells just sitting at the top of the stairs and a deck of playing cards just strewn about the living room floor.
It has been a long time since I've held my own pity party and cried but I managed to get some tears out yesterday. I could make something up about why, but I know deep down I was just making sure I was still human, I've been on autopilot for so long. We have a 1 1/2 year old together and I was terminated 4 days after I returned from mat-leave, already pregnant with the second one. Ive had severe S-I joint pain since October with this second pregnancy as well. It hurts to walk, pick up my child, bend over.
My Dh is out of town for the next month for work. He'll be home before Christmas. I didn't realize how much stress my ss3 and sd2 put on me until he was leaving. I was very sad because I love Dh so much, but on the other hand I'm fucking ecstatic because i don't have to be terrorized by his toddlers for A MONTH!!!
*to the tune of the Sesame Street theme song -- sing it with me now: 17 days, until he goes away. 17 days, until my house stays clean. Can you tell me how to get? How to get and keep sanity?*
(HINT: It's totally disengaging - that's how you get and keep sanity).