I think my disengagement is making progress and is finally getting easier to implement. I've always been one step ahead of SD16 and thought if DH would just listen to me then it could be worked out, but with me doing that I became too easy of a scapegoat which distracted away from her actual bad behavior and DH being able to ignore it. It never worked when I would pressure him to take action. Now I might bring something to his attention because I have to and because it's important, but after that I'm done with it. If DH chooses to talk to me about it I listen but don't add anything.
My Dh is out of town for the next month for work. He'll be home before Christmas. I didn't realize how much stress my ss3 and sd2 put on me until he was leaving. I was very sad because I love Dh so much, but on the other hand I'm fucking ecstatic because i don't have to be terrorized by his toddlers for A MONTH!!!