I'm sorry to those who wanted me to stay away from everything. My daughter has been with a friend all day. I wanted to somehow be there with my husband as a team to show them a family that can make it through problems while at the same time keep my daughter safe.
SD16's grandfather called CPS. First a sheriff showed up. I happened to be there when he showed up. He asked to speak with SD and I told him she was at a track meet. He asked when she would be home and I told him her father would go get her in a couple of hours. I asked him if he wanted me to get her dad so he can speak with him and he said no he would try to catch SD later or another day.
With the help from everyone here and my sister saying the same as all of you it made me see that I don't have a choice. Well I do have a choice but staying is definitely the wrong one. He still thinks the problem is between me and her and wants me to turn the phone on for him because he is busy with a stressfull project.
I will skip straight to the worst. SD16 went to hit DH and he put her to the ground to restrain her. Then she was saying her back hurt and she's going to live with her grandpa and she's taking it to court so she never has to live here again.
Previous to this DH had told she couldn't go do something. She was doing her thing that she does by following him around saying "Dad - dad - daaad- dad". He was telling her to knock it off while walking away. Few minutes later he comes around the corner saying he is headed to town to turn off her phone. She is crying talking on her phone.
Today he says that classic line
"I don't understand why the two of you can't get along."
How I hate it when he says that to me. He must not have any idea what an unsupporting, weak, ignorant, and cowardly statement that is.
Does he not get that Ive been getting along quite well with people for over 30+ years? That I have more experience with interpersonal communications than a 16 year old? That I should have more maturity than a teenager?
Luckily I'm disengaged from the parenting of SD16 but it still amazes me to see how unaware DH is. It's also hard to see SD or any person go into a dangerous situation when it doesnt have to be that way.
I think my disengagement is making progress and is finally getting easier to implement. I've always been one step ahead of SD16 and thought if DH would just listen to me then it could be worked out, but with me doing that I became too easy of a scapegoat which distracted away from her actual bad behavior and DH being able to ignore it. It never worked when I would pressure him to take action. Now I might bring something to his attention because I have to and because it's important, but after that I'm done with it. If DH chooses to talk to me about it I listen but don't add anything.
I'm a little fed up today. I did stand my ground about dinner. We have our schedule for dishes and SD16 decided not to do her dish day. Everyone was wondering why I wasn't cooking dinner. DH finally opened his eyes and told her to do it. Then she said she was done after a few minutes because she had homework to do. Her two dish nights are the only chore she has.
Over the weekend 60-70 students rioted on staff and sheriff deputies who responded to the middle school basketball game in Vancouver, WA.
From my personal opinion this situation comes as no surprise to me. It feels like a more extreme version of what I see in my own home almost every day. Kids disrespecting authority and parents saying their kid would never do that they have a great kid. If my SD was there I'm sure she would have been one of those kids right in the middle of it then denying she was part of it.
I usually don't put too much signifigance into dreams but this had some obvious symbolism in it.