So let me just start out by saying it's 2:30am and I'm "on vacation" and ready to go home. In fact I was ready to go home yesterday. Planned a fun weekend away with my boyfriend and his kids only to find myself sleeping on the couch.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years now. The kids knew me prior to us being together and we've had a good relationship. We moved in together last year.
We have times at home where I will have a "girls night" with my so 7 year old daughter. We do a fun activity and she invites me to sleep over with her. I typically sleep on the floor in her room. I've had a relationship with the daughter since she was 2.
It's been challenging with bm and her fun games. It took awhile but my so son who is 10 is having a better relationship with me again. BM likes to triangulate and make the kids feel bad for having fun with is, especially me.
This is the first time we took the kids away for the weekend. My SO has taken them on his own a few times so nothing new to them, except this time I'm here. I planned what I thought would be a fun getaway not to far, just the weekend, something for everyone. I've had nothing but anxiety and hopelessness since about two hours into our trip.
I'll save the minor details of my anxiety issues with crowds, but I managed through it. Couldn't wait to get back to the hotel to relax from a long day.
The kids SOtalked about staying up and watcing tv and where they would sleep. SO daughter continually asked me where I was going to sleep. I guess BM got to her and told her she didn't have to sleep with me, which if she didn't want to fine but I wish I would have known this in advanced. So right now everyone is sound asleep in a bed and I'm on the couch. It sucks. I want to not cause anymore stress at the kids expense when BM grills them about their time with us, but now I feel like I'm under constant stress and not feeling part of a family. I know sometimes my expectations are too high, but I honestly felt this trip away wouldn't be a big deal. Instead I'm feeling very angry, frustrated and hurt. My boyfriend is supportive and I know he was upset that I ended up sleeping on the couch cause I didn't want to add stress to the kids, but when is enough enough?