How has "checking-out" worked for anyone?
It has been a long time since I've held my own pity party and cried but I managed to get some tears out yesterday. I could make something up about why, but I know deep down I was just making sure I was still human, I've been on autopilot for so long. We have a 1 1/2 year old together and I was terminated 4 days after I returned from mat-leave, already pregnant with the second one. Ive had severe S-I joint pain since October with this second pregnancy as well. It hurts to walk, pick up my child, bend over.
Husband has 2 sons from prev relationship, 10&11, with 50/50 custody. I am up every-single-day at 7am with daughter, we have our routine. I keep a clean house, cook dinners, do laundry, etc. I ask for help when I need it. I ask, but it falls on def ears. My husband thinks I hate my SS's if I complain at all. When I put effort in to arrange something fun or buy the food they like, they have plans made with their mom (I'm the last to ever find out) and now just walk to her house (she moved into our neighbourhood a few months ago) and go for dinner there. We have house rules, but there might as well not be because they don't get followed. Nothing too complex, like turn lights off when you are done, food and drinks at the table, hang up back packs, shut the toilet lids so sister isnt in the water... legit, common sense things. I'm exhausted from reminding them about the rules, and I know it makes me out to be the evil step mom, a lot of them are to ensure the safety of our daughter (shut the baby gate, lock doors, put plugs back in outlets...). I'm exhausted because I'm in physical pain every day at 9 months pregnant. I'm emotionally drained from caring about 2 kids who were told I'm "a bad person" from their mom and treat me like a doormat. My husband has to work sometimes 7 days a week to make ends meet and they complain that we dont do anything. We're trying to budget for a 2 week vacation this summer with the whole family, they have sports starting up, we literally have everything for them to do (trampoline, big back yard, swing set, xbox, boardgame, bikes, skateboards, scooters, park, skating rink, soccer field nearby) instead they sit on their iPhones (BM got them, I was against it, but who gives a #$%^ what I think).
Yesterday I was used as a free babysitter, no heads up, no asking, nothing. They just showed up after school. I think it's about time everyone can go #@€$ themselves.
I'm out. I'm physically and mentally checking out. Im not cleaning, I'm not doing anyone's laundry but mine and the baby. Im not cleaning the piss off the toilet seats, I'm not closing them, I'm not putting toilet paper in the bathrooms, I'm not taking the iPhones away from the baby because they were left within her reach, I'm not making dinner, I'm only buying groceries for baby and me, I'm not doing dishes. I give up.