Progress and Demands
So Dh finally received my letter in regards to putting my foot down in being stuck with BMs kid dumping. He told me that he will tell her that we will no longer be taking monster and princess when it is not our days!!! I feel like a weight has been lifted!! He also said he will no longer leave me with all the kids by myself because I am not his babysitter!!! But that he wants me to "feel" like a stepmother? I could literally scream with happiness and only wish I had the balls to have made my demands sooner! Following is my response I wrote to him. Do you guys think it's acceptable? Did I leave anything out? I patted myself using the Brady bunch comment someone put on my previous blog lol
"DH, I really appreciate your answer to my letter. It definitely puts more perspective on how you handle things and makes me more comfortable to be able to talk to you about it. I do feel like a stepmother. The problem is that I felt like I was being pushed out of the stepmother role into an actual mother role.
I'm supposed to support your parenting of your kids. I'm supposed to help out and be there for you, but I think I got overwhelmed when too much was expected. Before when I changed sd2 diaper you were grateful for the help, then all of a sudden it changed to be completely my job, but it shouldn't have because YOU are their parent in the house.
I feel like all of a sudden I was expected to do everything the BM does, but baby it's NOT my job to do all of that. BM is their mother and they don't need a replacement for her, she is actively in their lives.
We just need to set some boundaries. I will help you and support you all that I can, but when you come home if sd2 is still in diapers, you WILL be changing diapers. If sd2 is potty training, you WILL be taking her to the potty and wiping her butt!
YOU are their father and these are things that you signed up for when you and BM decided to have children. I am here to love, support and cherish you, NOT to "take over" the SHITTY parts of parenting for you!
Honestly I wish I would have said something sooner because I really would have liked more time with my baby girl when she was a newborn, but you and BM literally had me back to babysitting the moment I got home from the hospital. I was exhausted, sore and unhappy because you and BM took my rest and my first couple of weeks with my newborn daughter away from me. When i should have been resting and getting to know my daughter, i was exhausted, popping pills for pain and chasing around two toddlers.
It out a big strain on our relationship because i started to resent you for it. You're also in a worse mood the majority of the time when your kids are over and i feel like a lot of the time the anger falls on me. It got to the point where the anxiety and resentment i felt were too much to stand so i finally had to tell you and just be honest about everything.
I also think that you should do some one on one time with your kids. They are you to spend quality time with YOU and i think it would help with the dots they throw when they just cru daddy over and over and want to be held. They aren't coming over to see me, but YOU! I feel like the older they get, the more they will start to resent me if you don't give them that time they need with just you where they can have your undivided attention. Don't be so scared of it. Just because you're giving your kids much needed "daddy time" doesn't mean we won't still do things as a family too. Even the Brady Bunch didn't do everything together.
I love you more than words can express."
So what do you guys think?