You are here

He FINALLY Took Those Keys Away...A Few Days Too Late

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

I knew something big was coming with SD17 (SD16...she had a birthday) and so did many of you STalkers following my blog posts. If you called it....consider this story an affirmation of your perceptive awesomeness and ability to stop BS in it's tracks.  If you didn't see it coming and are still giving your self-destructive teens the benefit of the doubt...well, let this be a cautionary tale!  If you don't have time or energy to read this long post in its entirety, jump to the bottom for the MORAL OF THE STORY

Here we go...

MR. ED finally took those darn car keys away from out-of-control SD17!  I was really surprised and proud of him.  He seems to have hit his breaking point with her and I can see he's really trying to step up as I disengage.  There is the tidbit of hope I can offer any of you thinking about disengaging from SKIDS.  Slowly, but CAN get better!  Unfortunately, he got a call yesterday from the insurance company regarding "an accident with injury involving your daughter".  Yeah...he laid down the law a day late and a dollar short.

In an otherwise awesome week of family members enjoying life, SD17 has been a side drama of odd behavior leading up to last night.  She stole QUARTERS from SS10 when she has her own money.  SS10's towel was found literally stuck to the floor in her room covering up a Red Bull spill while she had plenty of her own towels.  She's left piles of dirty clothes, filthy underwear, Juul pods, and trash lying in the bathroom shared with her brothers.  I actually did scoot those piles out into her room because I did not want SS10 to see all that.  Otherwise, I chose to say nothing to her about it this time.  Disengaging where I can while still keeping the area habitable for Llittle Man.  She was only allowed to take the car to work and school but would leave early and come home late to skirt around that rule.  Obvious to me what she was doing, but whatever.

The night MR. ED confiscated the car keys, she lied about having to work.  While out school shopping, MR. ED decided to take SS10 by her work for dinner.  Guess what?  No SD17 at work!  She lies via text saying she ran to her sister's on her break for "something important".  He tells her she's breaking the rules and he runs back by there an hour later.  Still no SD17 at work.  She texts him at 10 pm saying she's "finishing up at work" and will be home soon.  *Cough cough...BS!*  When she gets home, I hear him (I'm consciously staying away in the other room) say, "Give me the keys!"  I couldn't really hear her responses, but he later told me she seemed "blitzed".  

So yesterday, he got the call from the insurance company about an accident.  The night she lied about where she was she rear-ended some lady and then let DAYS pass, including her birthday, saying NOTHING!  Apparently, the lady took a picture of SD17's insurance card, did not offer hers, SD17 took no record of her name/insurance/plate #, called no police or parent, nada.  She did however make a call around that time to a number that is in question (keep reading for more on that). Last night, I stayed on the couch around the corner from where MR. ED was questioning her, writing down what little info she was giving about the accident.  That was as much as I could disengage from this, but I'm proud of myself for staying seated and out of sight at least. lol  She gave some ODD answers about what happened and couldn't (or wouldn't) even tell him where the accident happened, "There was like a McDonald's and a bunch of stuff.  I don't know.  You know I don't know streets...I left the mall...I was going to the mall...maybe I was south of the mall...I was on my way home...{blah blah BS}" OMG...its maddening hearing her BS and lies!

We are waiting to hear more about what the "injury" claim even is and what exactly MR. ED is dealing with here, but he is making major changes in the mean time.  He surprisingly said he is not giving her the keys back and is considering going to the BMV to revoke his permission/responsibility, therefore, suspending her license, removing her from insurance, and selling the car.  He said he is done listening to her lies and she will have to wait to drive until she can be legally/financially responsible for herself at 18.  FINALLY!!!  OMG, yay for THAT!

My gut feeling is that there is an even more troubling backstory to the SD17 chaos, but I'll save that for a post if my hunches turn out to be correct. This girl is a mess and I saw it coming a thousand miles away.  I'm just thankful MR. ED is seeing it.  Better late than not at all.  There is still hope.

MORAL OF THE STORY:  Parent your freaking biokids and don't let a permissive SO/feral SKID situation go on unchecked!  There is no reason with today's technology that parents can't know EXACTLY where their kids are at all times.  If your kids are turning off their location, there is a reason. So many times this week as I disengaged and MR. ED increasingly started asking, "I wonder where SD17 really is...etc." I responded with, "You know...there's an app for that!"  If they won't answer your calls or follow your rules about keeping location on, take their phone or put it on serious lockdown.  If you can't trust them to tell you the truth or be drug/alcohol free then don't give them the darn keys to a vehicle in your name.  This other driver is said to have gotten out of the car, talked, and walked just fine claiming no injury at the time of the accident.  As bad as this situation may turn out to be, it could've been so much worse.  MR. ED is openly expressing guilty feelings and shame about letting it get this out of hand so I'm trying to show him compassion in return so we can move forward.  I can only imagine how a parent would feel if they stood by permissively while their out-of-control child killed someone or themselves while on a joy ride.  So, hug your kids tight, but gather up your cojones and darn it...parent your kids before its too late.  <3


tog redux's picture

Good for you, OP - you were "overfunctioning" before - taking care of all of this stuff so MR. ED could just be her defender. Now you aren't, and so he has to deal with it.

You are very impressive. 

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

There are definitely ways I can disengage more, but baby steps are making a difference.  I'm just thankful he's finally responding.  Not even sure what's really turned him around, but I'll take it  Unfortunately, I figured something potentially devasting was going to have to happen for MR. ED and/or SD17 to get there 'stuff' together.  We shall see.

ESMOD's picture

If no police report was made at the time of the's going to hurt the case of the other driver I think.  But, if SD does a lot of switching her story up? it could hurt her.  Not sure what your state limits are on reporting an accident.. but it could make things difficult insurance wise.

I mean, the other driver could have been drunk and that contributed to the accident.  No way of proving any of that at this point. 

ChamomileTea4Me's picture first we were thinking he should gather all the info from SD17 he could to give to the insurance company, but after hearing her ramble on with a fishy story last night, he decided to give them only the basics until we know more.  They said they weren't going to talk to her directly at this point because she is a minor, but for him to relay "any information that may be helpful".  Hopefully, they will chalk her lack of detail up to teenage-first-accident panic and get enough info to close the case quick.  Fingers crossed that the other driver is legit trying to cover some "just checking" next day doc visit and this goes away quickly.  Not counting on it, though.

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

I told him it sounds fishy that this person thought enough to get out of the car to ga.ther SD17's info, but not exchange hers or call police?  My gut says there may be a reason she did that.  Can't be good if she's now filing a claim!

Siemprematahari's picture

Sometimes we have to be hit hard with reality and sit in it for it to really sink in. Your H sees now what lack of parenting and not having consequences have and hopefully he will learn from it. My hope is that he continues putting his foot in her @ss every time she turns left....He has to be consistent and not let up.


ChamomileTea4Me's picture

I have this weird sense of relief.  No longer do I have to say, "This, that, and blah blah blah COULD happen if you don't deal with her behavior."  I don't have to play that paranoid SP role ever again.  He now knows what the consequences are for shying away from really parenting her.  In a strange way, I feel like this is going to help me disengage even more and find some dang peace of mind!  Thanks for your comment! <3

advice.only2's picture

Your DH is about to learn just how expensive it's going to be for being SD's BFF all these years. He's going to be the one paying the higher insurance deductibles, doctor bills, and if the person sues he's going to be paying to settle that lawsuit. All he will be doing is still cleaning up SD's mess for her.

I really feel for YOU on this, not for your DH, stupid is supposed to hurt, and he's going to be hurting for a long while from this.

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

Yeah, I feel compassion for him for what he's feeling right now, but I fully realize he did so much to allow it to get to this point.  He works so hard for what he has and if he gets slammed with a big lawsuit and has to pay out will be hitting him where it hurts for sure.  I think he was naively thinking she would work out her kinks like any teenager and it wouldn't significantly effect his bottom line.  Thankfully for me, I'm eccentrically non-materialistic. :)  I've had plenty of times in my life where I've found happiness with VERY little and can adjust if it all goes south.  I can already see this one is going to be life-changing for him mentally.  Something has definitely shifted in the air around here!

SpunSugar's picture supposed to hut....yes!

im so sorry her behavior had to have such serious consequences for mr Ed to sit up and take action. I totally resonate with your sense of relief!

my SS11 has serious social/emotional deficits- a direct result of BM living on the couch w script bottles lined up on coffee table EVERY DAY beautiful summer days the barnacle kid spends indoors with the shades drawn   And everyone in the house has a tv in the bedroom plus tablets and phones. DH talks a lot about it but does nothing. SS is getting bigger, early puberty w no emotional regulation. It’s an understatement to say he is socially and emotionally retarded. This week I went to pick him up after day camp. I arrived early. BM and SS pulled in after me, walked by my truck, walked in the house and shut the door! I guess it was a small thing but it speaks to the huge amount of disrespect I endure from SS ....and now, I realize (after reading all you lovely ladies) it’s sole source is the kids parents! Kid has been to ER several times while with BM for stomach pain... he’s constipated to the point of impacting his bowels. He arrives every weekend with a bag of candy, his teeth not brushed for days, not bathed, stays in bed most days he’s not in school and just learned how to bathe himself at 10. 

I guess I’m fed up being the only one in a group of three adults who actually gives a f*** about this kid! And I’m done!

i have been saying this kid is headed for real trouble if DH doesn’t intervene and I’m so grateful to read your story as well as all replies. You ladies have given me the courage to unhook from this shit and go back to living the life I gave up for DungHeap and his StupidShit kid. It’s a freaking horrid disgusting nightmare and I married it. Stupid me!

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

LOL...cause I have to just laugh at it all sometimes!  Truly, I'm glad my venting can help someone else.  I can relate to SO MUCH of what you commented and don't blame you one bit for turning tail and heading for the happy hills!  If I weren't through the worst part and seeing new rays of hope every day now, I'd probably be leaving as well.  I really hate that SD17 is heading down this path and creating a $h! storm in the process, but yes...I'm relieved that I am no longer the only one seeing the reality of the situation.  At least there's that.  Thanks for reading!  I wish you all the best!

ndc's picture

If MR. ED has decent insurance, he should be OK in any lawsuit.  The insurance company will defend the suit or settle out of court, and if the woman was walking around collecting insurance information after the accident, the chances of her having a claim that exceeds the policy limits of a decent policy aren't that high.  Now, if MR. ED has the state minimum liability coverage, he probably wants to pay close attention to the handling of that claim, but the insurance company can't settle it for more than the policy limits, and especially if it's a bogus claim, the other driver won't want to go to court

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

I do believe he only has the state minimum on that particular vehicle, but I could be mistaken.  So, yeah...he's going to want to keep a close eye out.  

Harry's picture

How long until Mr Ed folds for  DD ?   She will just need that car for pre medical school. Or Victorian dance class. Or another good story. What short for lie 

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

May HAVE to revoke his acceptance of responsibility with the BMV to protect himself from any further problems she may otherwise cause, to keep his own car insurance intact, and to make it so driving is simply off the table until she's in her own at 18.

And there's no way that girl is going to med school. Ha!  She's lucky if she pulls herself together enough to finish HS at the rate she's going.  Again, that is sad because all 3 SDs were interested, had the grades/advanced courses, and one even got accepted to an awesome university before they started smoking pot on the daily.  It may help a lot of people, but it's obviously not for everyone. Especially not for developing brains!  One SD started and they fell behind her like dominos. 

thinkthrice's picture

how experience is the best teacher!  In my case, the ferals lying to CPS to "make mommy happy" was the eye opener for Chef.  Of course after YEARS of me being the bad guy and warning him to start parenting and stop BFFing...the Girhippo had already cornered that market.

They never listen until its too late.

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

"They never listen until its too late."  Absolutely!

notasm3's picture

Decades ago I was a passenger in a car that got hit from behind.  Not all that hard. I was fine that day but the next day my neck hurt.   I didn’t sue anyone. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

That's because most people don't. And from what my lawyer said, a large chunk of those who do, typically don't have any 'real' injuries, they just want to collect on insuranc emoney, or are pissed off about the car and want to watch people suffer.  (Not saying all of course, some are legit hurt and just need help with piling bills from it... BUT...)