Update...The Tide is Changing
The tide may be turning, dear friends. For the first time in almost 6 years, I feel like MR. ED is finally tired of his DDs walking all over him. SD17 is feeling the consequences of her actions and it ain't pretty. There is hope after all!
I let myself get sucked into a 5 minute back and forth with SD17 the other day where I basically told her to get her head out of her hiney and start giving a hoot about her dad...putting it nicely for y'all. ;) She was spouting her typical "It's not my fault...I didn't MEAN to get in an accident so I shouldn't be held accountable in any way while everyone else picks up the pieces" song and dance. I'd had it. So, I told her if she couldn't keep herself from lying to the insurance agent she should keep her mouth shut and get out of her dad's way. I told her if she can't be honest with MR. ED about where she was, who she was with, how this accident all went down, and if she was sober of not sober, then, "For God's Sake just stop making things worse!" I told her that if she really wants to be "grown" as she claims to be, she needs to start right now telling the truth and HELP her dad hold onto everything he AND I have worked so hard for that she has put at risk by her childish and selfish behavior. AHHH!
I couldn't stop myself from a 5-minute "engagement", but it was not for loss in the end. About an hour later SD17 sends a text to MR. ED spilling her guts about the details. This comes as no surprise to me that she was lying about the details to hide the fact that she's seeing ANOTHER grown man. Long story of how I found out, but she called this man right after the accident to ask HIM what she should do instead of calling MR. ED or police. What kind of "grown" man encourages a teenage girl to lie to her dad about wrecking the car he owns!?!? It wouldn't surprise me if it were the same dude that blocked her when she told him he was going to be a Baby Daddy. That put some things into perspective for MR. ED...finally.
So basically, MR. ED is holding his ground with SD17. She will not be allowed to drive until she is 18 and responsible for her own car, insurance, etc. He is picking her up from work when he's around, but over the weekend he didn't change our schedule to suit hers. She texted him while we were out enjoying the day with the boys, "Are you going to be home in time to take me to work?" He answered, "Nope." Her response was, "Wow," and he just looked at me shaking his head and said, "Unbelievable!" She ended up riding the little purple bike she's had since she was 13 to work.
We still don't know how this is going to turn out with the insurance claim, but I truly believe something like this had to happen for things to change around here. And changing it is!
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She needs to start learning
She needs to start learning responsibility and accountability and it is up to her dad to make sure that she does. I hope he sticks to it.
I am laughing at the little purple bike!
Good for you.. good for DH.
Good for you.. good for DH.
While I didn't often "engage" in pulling the skids up short. Occasionally a few quietly pointed out facts got them to adjust some behaviors for the better:)
Good for you and DH too. I
Good for you and DH too. I think that once in a while it is good to engage in order to do something like this. I did the same back 2 or 3 yrs ago when I spent about half an hour telling SD24 some serious home truths about her personality and the way she behaves with everyone. I'm not sure there have been any changes in her, but I felt better letting out well over 10 yrs of hurt and anger, and her Dad (who was present) saw that I was not afraid to speak my mind to her and actually was quite positive about my intervention.
I really think that once YOU
I really think that once YOU stopped being the "bad guy", Mr. ED picked up the flag and went with it. He probably always was OK with you setting limits, he just didn't want to do it himself. Now that it's his problem, he has no choice.
It's great that your H is
It's great that your H is finally seeing the light and taking steps to show SD that there are consequences for her behavior. He has to remain consistent and this is the part that is very critical. He can't let up and every time she is out of line he has to hold her accountable....each and every time!
I also take great joy in imagining this girl peddling her purple bike to and from work.....hey at least she's getting some exercise in while she's at it