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New Here...Teenage Skids Anyone?

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

Does anyone else out there feel like somewhere along your stepparent journey your life got swept up in a monsoon of other people's dysfunction?  I was single for over 10 years and fiercely dedicated to raising my DS and living my best, most emotionally healthy, peaceful, and happy life.  Then I fell in love with BF/SO and we have been living together and sharing our life for 6 years now.  SO has 5 kids...SD22, SD20, SD16, SS15, and SS10...3 BMs.  Yeah, I should've known better, right?  I actually started this out with such hope and was positive that we would all bring great things to each o

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Struggling with my teenage stepdaughter

Struggling Step Mum's picture

I’m a stepmum to a 17 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. I’ve been with their dad for 12 years and we’ve always had the kids every other weekend and over the holidays. We were doing really well and were really happy (despite the occasional fallout with his ex-wife)and are planning on getting married this year.

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I dont know how to do this

newtothis84's picture

So I've known my boyfriend and his kids for almost 2 years. I've recently started a relationship with him in late April. We know we want to get married and be together. I get along really well with his kids, always have. He's even asked his  oldest how she feels about me moving in and is getting married and she was excited!

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How do I even?

CollM's picture

I've been married for 7 years and my role as stepmom was Christmas. Spring Break, and summer.  The kids get along well with me. Until recently, the kids lived in another state with mom. She died suddenly several months ago and now they live with us.  Stepdaughter, AR, is high school age and stepson, WG, is middle school. They both, especially AR, have founded and unfounded abandonment issues with dad. The divorce and following years were not generally friendly.

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I've talked to SO about the situation at hand.

Mrs.Marvel's picture

The robotic stepford child beheaviour continues...GRRRR

SO and I are at a cross-roads. I suggested that maybe we be affectionate to try to break the cold behaviour that they're showing and he's all down for that, and he's also alright with being poliet back, but he does not want to be "nice" to be cold, but instead to get a reaction out of them. 

When would be the right time for SO to have the "enough is enough" conversation?(today is thanks-giving), or should be just "play along" to get a reaction out of them and not talk to them about it

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They're still doing it.....

Mrs.Marvel's picture

The "stepford" child behaviour continues....

I'm starting to think they don't are at all. They have been showing  NO emotion to SO at all. SO isn't begging them for it, but it's getting to him, but he doesn't show it. Last night we decided to carry out a conversation, and Sd13 and Ss12 had their own conversation; after the usual "thank you for making us food"...... 

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The skids came....they're acting..... strange

Mrs.Marvel's picture

Bm brought Sd13 and ss12 as she said she would. The second the door bell rang, SO jumped and opened it.

They looked off. Had blatant looks on their faces, no emotions at all. SO greeted them, and they said "hello dad" , "hello Mrs. Marvel". Noting strange about that. 

SO leads them to the dinning room and tells them, he needs to talk to them. He first aks them how they were. response "fine, thank you for asking; how are you?" He responds  with "I'm good"

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So and I got into a fight

Mrs.Marvel's picture

I told SO that it might be a good idea to get the skids a new therapist, he agreed to that, but when I asked him about taking the tough approach with his kids, he got pretty defensive, saying that last time we did that, he didn't get to see them for nearly a month, and he's not doing that again. Okay that  part I can understand, the kids have every right to see their dad, but they don't get to control our lives. He's becoming very defensive about them a lot lately. I don't he sees them as manipulating him. To him  there these innocent little angels. 

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