How do I even?
I've been married for 7 years and my role as stepmom was Christmas. Spring Break, and summer. The kids get along well with me. Until recently, the kids lived in another state with mom. She died suddenly several months ago and now they live with us. Stepdaughter, AR, is high school age and stepson, WG, is middle school. They both, especially AR, have founded and unfounded abandonment issues with dad. The divorce and following years were not generally friendly.
Since coming to us WG has been diagnosed with high functioning Autism, ADHD, and severe depression, with thoughts suicide and hurting himself. Much of this was present previously just undiagnosed and untreated. Of course, it's all worse now.
My husband, BG, has a strong personality that often clashes with AR. She grew up resenting dad's absence. Mom had a very different parenting style that allowed AR more independence than dad. Both dad and AR have to be right, neither will back down, and yelling and screaming occur normally once a week. Their bouts can sometimes trigger WG's suicide threats. They usually subside within a couple of hours, but it takes its toll.
It seems that if I try to insert common sense into the fight, it makes it worse. I'm a passive person and don't deal well with the conflict. I often see myself as a coward hiding in my room. I'm the breadwinner of the home that is mine. He asks for my opinion but if it differs from his and he goes with it anyways, he usually regrets it. Now, I just won't give my opinion. I have always played the role of buffer, but now I just want to walk away from all of them. But how can I abandon them? For my sanity, how can I not?
It's only been seven months and not everyday is bad. The last couple weeks have been rough. I wasn't completely happy in my marriage previously, but I continued on. But now, with everything, it feels like too much.