Does anyone else ever feel like their DH and skids misunderstand their motivations and intentions for doing things? I get the feeling mine do…a LOT.
I’m a planner. And a budgeter. And a ‘let’s get this DONE before sh*t starts going wrong’ kind of person. So when the skids and/or DH drop things on me like ‘The money for this field trip is due tomorrow’ or ‘BM wants to switch weekends so we won’t have the kids this weekend after all (and its Thursday)’ it really throws off my groove. So I am constantly riding them for details about things. Where are you going? When are you going? When will you be back? Did you tell your father/mother/anyone yet? Did you ask permission from ___? Did your friend give you any details? How much is this going to cost? When is the money due?
Needless to say I’ve earned a reputation for being a nosy control-freak.
Do I really want to be “in control”? H*ll no. I’d much rather not bear the burden of responsibility for making sure all the stars align so everyone’s plans magically work out. BUT I also can’t take the stress of NOBODY ELSE doing it because their lack of planning inevitably becomes my emergency (and/or headache).
Case in point – this past week when the kids suddenly had plans on our days to go on a trip with their GBM. Totally messed up my meal plan for the week. I bought ingredients that are likely to spoil because I’m not cooking for an army that won’t be here to eat it. Not to mention DH has been moping because he’s missed out on 2 of his days with the skids and he barely heard from either of them while they were gone. SD17 didn’t even respond when he texted her. But you know if she were with us on a trip she’d be up her BM’s ass every 5 minutes texting back and forth. (On a side note, DH was very vocal about how upset this made him and plans to have a little chat with SD17 when they finally come back to us tomorrow. Considering his history of being a silent martyr, this is a big step in the right direction.) Anyway, their last minute plans became a pain in the a** for multiple reasons.
This week BM wants to get together to discuss plans for SS16’s upcoming big birthday bash. She planned SD17’s 16th birthday party on her own and then simply gave us the bill for “our half”. This time we are more involved. It’s on our weekend. We paid for the pavilion. DH wants to have one of his friends make the cake because she’s a gifted cake artist and will likely charge far less than the friend BM would enlist to make a cake. SD17’s cake was over $100, looked poorly made, and tasted like crap. So I asked DH “Have you contacted your friend about making the cake?” No. “Think maybe you should since BM already has ideas about having her friend do it again? I don’t think we want a repeat of SD17’s cake.” The look and accompanying huff I received in response told indicated I was acting like a nagging control freak in his opinion. Far as I know he still hasn’t asked. I predict he will never ask her and BM will trample all over him about not having control of the cake so he’ll just give in and proceed to grumble about not having his way. Welp, that’s what happens when you roll over and play dead every time that b*tch complains.
I want so badly to disengage. There are areas where I’m starting to succeed at it, but other areas where it is so hard. How do you find a balance between where to disengage and where to stay firmly in everyone’s business because of how it affects you if you don’t?