My SD and DH had a falling out 7 months ago and SD moved out. On her way out she said some really nasty things about her dad, threatened to call the police (for items she left behind and wanted) and stuck us with a car payment once she procured a new vehicle. She refused to speak to DH for 6 months. During that time her and her BM posted disparaging memes on FB about DH and she posted pictures with DH 2nd wife's kids (who she supposedly hated and had bragged she broke DH and wife #2 up). On her 21st bday I encourged DH to post a "happy birthday" message to her.
Last night DH and I argued about SD18 again. I realized during the discussion that he is a major part of the problem and has made things far more difficult for me than he needed to.
Not even sure where to begin. Been with SO for 17 years (yes, I know...17 years is crazy, but I honestly don't want to get married). Have SS30 who has issues, but he deals with them and is kind and respectful when he visits. And my son who is 19, has an apartment, is 98% financially independent, and helps us around the house and with yard work. And then there's SD26.
Years ago, my big sister told me, "I never let go of something I can't afford to lose." She said she never wanted money or material things to ruin a relationship, so although she was always pretty generous about helping people out, she never loaned, gave, or let people borrow anything she would be upset about never seeing again. Good stuff. I adopted that rule and made it my own long ago. I haven't always upheld it in my weaker moments, but I always consider it when I'm faced with a decision on where to spend my time, money, and energy. It helps ward off unnece