Munchkin on the warpath
Just a little bit of an update.
Last night, while driving Munchkin home from her gmas house, we got into one of our many anti-Feral Forger conversations. We seem to get caught up these tense feedback loops whereby she will go into details of how lazy, mean and rude her sister is. And then reminisce about her past transgressions. I can see that she is hurt, and resentful. Shes normally so sweet and loving, and I think sometimes I encourage this releasing of resentment, because she feels safe with me and because I lived it too at one time.
It doesnt help things that her sister is living on her mothers couch and she sees her 50% of the time. And more now, because her sister quit her one job at Dennys and was just fired from her new job at BJ's. I am flabbergasted that at 20 she effed up her opportunities so badly. It was within walking distance of the apartment, so she would not need uber like before, a bit more upscale and expensive (great tips - at least $110 per night...) and she couldnt even make it in there. Missed 2 out of 4 days.
So because she is allowing her daughter to crash on the couch and do nothing shes the best mom ever. Munchkin resents this as well, I can see how conflicted she is, inside.
When it got to a seriously high level I had to stop her. I just told her that I have a lot of resentment too, over how Ive been treated. And how I let it get to me, how it eats at me, and sucks out the joy. I described that feeling of anger, sadness, hatred, all of it mixed together. Honestly, how to explain resentment to a kid whos 13 and shouldnt have to know that word definition. I told her that she needs to take that energy and build her boundaries, trengthen her boundaries and let go of those hurt feelings.
Her response was "well she always liked to tell me I was adopted, I was the mexican kid (shes filipino white), shes so racist...! And always makes fun of me!" Just more resentment pouring out. More hurts coming to the surface. I finished our conversation as we pulled into the driveway with "you know someday your going to pop, youll explode". She said "yeah and typically people explode over the innocent ones."
It was almost too much, and all I can do is perhaps give her the tools I learned here on Steptalk. It just really made me want to march over and shake that 20-year old lazy a$$ mean rude hateful pos.
"Bitterness and resentment are roads to nowhere. We all know this. But sometimes we need to take a walk down those roads and wallow in it for a bit just to feel how pointless those emotions really are. Just to gather enough strength to turn around and set ourselves straight. "