Years ago, my big sister told me, "I never let go of something I can't afford to lose." She said she never wanted money or material things to ruin a relationship, so although she was always pretty generous about helping people out, she never loaned, gave, or let people borrow anything she would be upset about never seeing again. Good stuff. I adopted that rule and made it my own long ago. I haven't always upheld it in my weaker moments, but I always consider it when I'm faced with a decision on where to spend my time, money, and energy. It helps ward off unnece
... is what SS18 said as he left our house with gifts yesterday. That was his passive-agressive pissing match challenge to me, step mom. His dad kicked SS18 out of our home in late August (read my past blogs for the details) and last week I told DH I am not willing to let SS18 move back in.
Sorry SS, NOT HAPPENING. That is all.
My husband's mother is in the hospital, she isn't going to make it. So SD 27 is flying down, of course I have to pick her up. She can't stand me, she ruined my wedding photos when me and her dad got married. I got not one picture of me and him beside each other. I know how this is going to go, just like it has for the past 15 years. She is going to cling to him like she is married to him, I am going to be pushed out the way.
So disengaging definitely turned the tables. I've successfully emotionally (and mostly mentally) disengaged. I had an after-work event tonight & DH had the day off. I came home around 8pm and could tell DH was bummed. Now that he's not triangulated with me & SS18, it's just between the two of them. After a few minutes, DH started telling me about his anger after calling SS today & getting flack. At first I just listened, then started agreeing with DH, and then when I said I was glad DH is finally seeing this... he got mad at me.
So disenaging fro SDs has never been easy, I have a tendency to open my mouth and say things about them that gets DW upset with me, I do it less and less but still it occurs and I am left feeling like I did something wrong even tho I know I didn't (except open my mouth in the first place).
My DH and I put boundaries down only to have SD24 walk right over them with DH holding the door wide open. I don't want SD24 to hang out in our home while no one is going to be here during the day. I feel that there is no way to be respected not only by my DH but, also from the skids.....
DH and I had a conversation yesterday, which by the way, I knew was coming because SD will be coming "home" from University the beginning of May, and I KNEW that DH would be wanting to "test the waters" about her staying with us. During our convo, he says he feels like a crappy father because he has to tell SD20 she has to stay at a friends or MILs when she's home and he can't even have SS19 to the house to maybe go turkey hunting and spend a night or two. Poor DH, he has to meet his ADULT kids at restaraunts or MILs or what have you and talk to them on the phone or text them.
So a couple weeks ago I was so upset the day DH and I had to leave on a big business trip because YSD had chased a feral cat into our crawlspace and then into the walls. I won't rehash the whole story but here's the link: