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Tone Deaf, Continued

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Yesterday, 24 hours after our most recent marriage counseling (MC) session where he teared up telling the MC how much he loves me, how he would give anything to win my heart back, and how he would do anything for me - DH rudely sniped at me... in a store where he was looking for parts for his latest obsession (=not as expensive as the midlife crisis extravaganza, but outdoors/ backpacking/ survival hobby/SHTF prep with hi-end REI-type purchases).

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Dreamt Last Night...

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.. okay technically it was this morning. I had a dream me & DH were at some gathering of friends at a public venue, and DH got really mad at me & was raging at me. A police officer heard, came over, and DH was even angrier as he got taken away (arrested?), blaming me.

After he was gone, I felt ashamed & guilty. But the other people who were there & had witnessed the whole scene all told me it wasn't my fault... and I felt so relieved. 

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Tone Deaf DH

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I couldn't believe I was hearing it. After hearing about some drama at my old job, DH told me I need to change how I am & become willing to end relationships with people who treat me/others poorly (my paraphrase). Looking at him incredulously while he was telling me that. How I'm too sweet & empathic, need to toughen up. Jaw-dropping (for me) based on our past 3÷ years... If I applied this standard to DH, I'd be long gone. Not quite sure why I'm not...

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Divorce Eminent...

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... just need my StepTalk peeps to come march me past the denial (my inner 5 year old still coming up with butterflies & rainbows hopium wishes that this was all a bad nightmare...) and into concrete action toward Freedom from Toxic B.S.

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Just Because I Think It...

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... doesn't mean I need to say it. Me emotions are raw & the holidays are HERE, so I'm going into "Let-the-Goodtimes-Roll"-mode and try to cruise thru each moment focused on what I'm grateful for & doing what I need to do. Taking the Next Right Action. Staying in TODAY & not Future-Tripping.

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Six Months of Freedom

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... from SS19 living here, disrespecting our home, lying to me and DH in our home, coming home high & with his still-illegal-at-his-age weed stash, not cleaning up after himself or in any way contributing to the household upkeep (or even his own laundry and personal hygiene!), manipulating for money and rides, etc. 

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Next time with a load of clothes...

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... is what SS18 said as he left our house with gifts yesterday. That was his passive-agressive pissing match challenge to me, step mom. His dad kicked SS18 out of our home in late August (read my past blogs for the details) and last week I told DH I am not willing to let SS18 move back in. 

Sorry SS, NOT HAPPENING. That is all.

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Newsflash: DH Must Have Sportscar

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... except I won't "let" him, even though he's willing to go into $100k debt for anything I want!

Yes folks, that is the arguement. I am ashamed I haven't already separated accounts because DH is obsessed with this sports car and watching numerous YouTube vids about it. It starts at like $55k and DH wants to trade in our almost paid off vehicle and finance the rest. Because, "we can afford it" BUT, if I want to separate accounts, then he CAN'T afford it.

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