You are here

Divorce = Signed, headed to the Judge

StepUltimate's picture

The long saga is finally almost over. Ex agreed to the settlement offer (while complaining to my attorney it was $30k less than he should get), signed, then I signed days later. 

Ex is a covert narc IMO, and continues to drive by. Until he moved an hour away for a new job last month. He still comes to town & drives by on his days off. Mutual friend shared that he was very upset when a lifelong friend of mine, who has a big truck, stayed with me most of January. He was angry, thinking I had a boyfriend who moved in, since my friends' truck was parked out front & she parked it in my driveway a couple of times. The mutual friend doesn't share info about me but she did tell him it was my friend, not a new man (not that it's ex's business if I did have a new man) to calm him down. He told her he drove by my house every morning this past year - I only saw him once, six months ago when driving back from an early morning chiropractor appointment. He was frowning in his new truck (=traded in the famed Midlife Crisis Car for a brand new truck a few months before he got fired) that morning, and I found out days later that he'd just gotten fired. So until last month, I was blissfuly ignorant that the drive-bys were still happening and that they were daily. 

The love-bombing also continues. He's dropped off a few memories & notes, and dropped off a valentine card last month with a two-page letter. Among other things he wrote that he "has a StepUltimate-size hole in his heart that just won't heal." That got to me because it made me remember & miss the person I thought he was, before I found out the hard way that he's a selfish, lying, gaslighting, angry, arrogant, complaining man-baby. 

However, hearing the disguest and astonishment of our mutual friends about his spending & chronic victimitis, plus reading all his emails to my attorney (lying about marital property that's actually mine, and impatiently thirsty for $ettlement $$$$) kept my head on straight. The feelings pass - there's no way out but through. I am okay. I have strong, true friendships and faith in God. I have a good life. I have freedom from anger, resentment, and bitterness - that is a gift. My home is drama & anger-free. Nobody's using me, accusing me, raging at me, or gaslighting me anymore. There's nobody close in my life that isn't trustworthy.

It was hard, yet I remain. Thank you to all the STeptalkers who have encouraged me & shared your wisdom, compassion, experience, and humor with me. I haven't blogged in long time, and wanted to give you this update. It's been quite a journey, and I am so thankful for this community. 

Biggrin

Comments

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Great news on the divorce.

I hope he stops being a poop head soon.

ESMOD's picture

You need a good set of cameras.. and you need to document all the "drive bys"  once the settlement is signed.. I would get a restraining order and let the law handle his boundary pushing.

and... I also might consider relocating if it were at all possible.. maybe even purchasing a new home in an LLC name or something for it to be difficult to trace it?  but it's completely unhinged that he is still doing this a year later.

CajunMom's picture

Everything ESMOD says is what I was thinking as I was reading your post. Is it possible you can file for a restraining order? Also, if you haven't, let your attorney know ASAP what is going on. 

halo1998's picture

because that is what he is doing.  Once you have video evidence..then you can try for a restraining order.  Especially now that you can prove he does not live close by, does not have anything at your house and has no reason to take the route that goes by your residence.   You can also start calling the police everytime he does...so that you can document that stalking

BTDT.....

thinkthrice's picture

And get those cameras.   He sounds unstable.

StepUltimate's picture

Handled, plus my 3 neighbors all have theirs showing my house. PLUS one neighb works for our small town PD & is aware of the situ.

I'm maintaining 100% no contact since February 2022. 

justmakingthebest's picture

This makes me feel so much better after reading your post.

Be proud of yourself, you have come so far and only bright things lay ahead for you my dear!

StepUltimate's picture

Appreciate you, thanks!

Biggrin

advice.only2's picture

Wow he really just can't let go can he?  Do you think once the money is paid to him he will stop?  Glad to hear the divorce will finally be final and that you are making sure you are covered when it comes to his stalking.

StepUltimate's picture

He also drives by his ex-boss & another guy he knows in town. He ruminates, but not likely to ever stop. Public streets so it's legal. 

StepUltimate's picture

... because he's defiant & plus he'd be rewarded by getting to see me in court, so NOPE.

CLove's picture

Yay you! Although the stalking is worrisome, it sounds like youve got it all handled pretty well. I hope you stick around to give advice (if appropriate!) but understand if you want distance for healing. 

Biggrin way to go!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST!! Cream always rises, baby.

Your ex has issues with entitlement that will torpedo every relationship, and he's lost the kindest, most loving and supportive woman he'll ever had. Sorry, not sorry for him. 

StepUltimate's picture

... a Sugar Mama who can afford him!

notsobad's picture

Good for you. Narcissistic relationships are so hard to get out of!

When they love bomb and hoover you see the person you thought they were, the person they created to make you fall in love with them and you think ?Maybe? Maybe that person is there underneath it all? Maybe I can change them into that person all the time? Sadly, it's all fake, just a mask that they created and will put on only to pull you back in.

Sounds like you've started to Grey Rock, that's a good thing.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-time-cure/202211/when-dealin...

StepUltimate's picture

I'm very clear I cannot change him, or anyone other than myself. Yes, the Gray Rock technique is in place. 

Rags's picture

Do not let him back in, not even enough to regret the loss of the person you thought he was.  

I regreted being divorced when my cheating XW left. I have never regreted the divorce from her. If that makes any sense at all.  Leaving was the greatest gift she could have given me.

Take care of you.

Give rose

 

StepUltimate's picture

I'm still dreaming about it. This morning I woke up from a dream that I was dating/seeing/living with someone* and somehow (you know how dreams are), ex was there at the house, still love-bombing me & arguing we should be together, that he loves me, bla bla bla. I woke up feeling the conflict from the dream convo, the exhaustion of trying to explain reality to someone who rejects it. Now I'm drinking coffee & cleaning my house. Listening to prayer mediitations with scripture. Feeling like I need a mental, spiritual & physical detox.

Wondering when will this REALLY end. Got 9 hours of sleep but feel worn down. 

*A real life radio talkshow host, attorney, and author. Biggrin