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A Big Rant

morrginme's picture

Me? Mean?

I'm unreasonable. I'm not fair. I'm always causing problems. I'm abusive. I hurt confidence and crush self-esteem. I only have negative things to say. I like to point out flaws and laugh at mistakes. I'm lazy and use all the money on myself. I brainwash my spouse and favor my own child. 

Why not take it a bit further. What's an evil stepmom really like? At first it's difficult to imagine myself as mean stepmom because I'm not one, but luckily I have a very vivid imagination. 

I could dip your toothbrush in the toilet.
I could add something to your face wash that will clog pores.
I could take a little bit of dirt or even a black permanent marker and make one or two marks on a pair of your white shoes you love. 
I could use something semi sharp to make small nicks to all the bristles of your hair brush so you have very frizzy and damaged hair.
(Let's go up a couple degrees)
I could  tell your friends in an off handed way all the mean things you say about them when they aren't around.
I could make some damage to your iphone charging cord.

(Note: If any of you are secretly or not so secretly guilty of any of the things I list I'm not here to judge. I'm just speaking for myself when I say these things are not something I would do although a couple of the the things above I have loosely considered.)

Or...

I could report you to the DMV for driving under the influence and your brand new license could be taken away. It's only because I was so very concerned about your safety and the safety of others on the road.
I could start whining about all the things I think I need and there would be no money left over for you. 
Whenever you go somewhere with a friend I will make sure I give their parent a heads-up about some of your mental issues and how they should watch out for theft. I'll let them know we are working on it with you and please not to mention it to you because you get so angry whenever someone brings it up and we are doing better on anger issues too. 
I could use any optimal situation as an opportunity to make you look bad.

And...

Once you get tons of anxiety from the things I do that can't be proved I'm behind them I can take you to the doctor for help because I'm really concerned and care. I'll make sure you get the help you need and that means a psychiatrist. I will get you diagnosed and get a prescription for Thorazine and maybe Lithium.

I can make it all get worse than this. We've all heard the news and read some stories that we wish we hadn't. Stuff I can't even write because they are so bad.

The thing is none of this is me.

Instead I do this...

I worry about homeless people and animals when it gets cold outside.

I go to training on preventing child abuse and intervening on child sexual abuse.

Called out your dad telling him not to say bad things about your mom.
Stick up for you in private with your dad when I feel he is being unfair to you or needs to understand your situation better.
Take you shopping with my money.
Pay attention to the things I think you really like and you have mentioned that you like.
Give up things of my own because you need them worse than me.
Smile and listen while you talk about memories you have with your mom becasue it's important to you and you love her.
Tell your dad you haven't been in the shower as long as he thinks because it's true.
Encourage your dad to spend time with you alone and without me on a regular basis. 
Go to your school meetings.
Signed you up for school when your mom hadn't.
Raised all that money for you to go to camp. 
Scooped you up and held you behind me when you were little because a drunk belligerent stranger walked into our campsite and wouldn't leave.
Agonized over Christmas presents hoping you like them and felt you were treated fairly in the amount you received compared to others.
Demand to be treated with respect.
Not accept excuses.
Hold you accountable for your actions.
Not tolerate treating other people with cruelty.
Not allowing you to make fun of others or laugh at their mistakes or when they get hurt.
Remind you of manners. 
Supported you when you were having problems at school, with a teacher, or with friends.
I have been there for you an infinite amount of times that you know about and even more that you don't know about.

What have you done for me?

Tried turning your dad against me when you knew you were in the wrong and lying.
Tried to make me think that your half sister had drowned when I couldn't find her but you knew where she was all along. Then you brought the situation up in such a way that made me sound like I had lost her to your dad.
Did something that you didn't want to get in trouble for or admit that you did it so you blamed it on me.
Tell lies about me to your friends, your friends parents, your relatives, and even my family.
Steal from me.
Tell people that we physically abuse you. 
Threaten to call child services when you aren't getting your way.
Bring a friend over without asking first and then after being told you still do it anyway and make me look like the bad guy when I say they have to go home.
Shoving and tripping your 6 year old little sister telling her she dumb and stupid. When confronted on it you played the victim that misses her mom so much and was just acting out on all the hurt you feel inside.
Talk to me and everyone else like you are superior and we are all inferior.
Hurt my dog intentionally.
Verbally abuse my dog.
Told your mom I wouldn't let you shower for no reason when actually you wouldn't stop arguing with me about why I wouldn't let you go to a boy's house while his parents weren't home so I told you to go to your room. 
Get your grandpa to believe that I'm so bad to you that I need counseling and no else has to go but me. 
Frequently whine "I didn't do anything!" when we both know that's a for sure sign that you obviously did.
Give the impression to others and tell them that I emotionally abuse you by always making you feel bad about yourself, always so critical of you, and always being negative.
Called me bad names. 
Stopped coming to me for support because your friends saw the positive things I would write to help you with your anxiety and then when you would tell them how mean I am they didn't believe you. <br>Try to take your little sister's friends and their parents into a friendship with you so you can then tell lies about her and us and try to turn them against us. You do this with family too.
Etc.

Now tell me again and everyone else what a mean and unfair person I am. 

To you and your dad, is it any wonder I've backed out of parenting?
 

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

I'd be tempted to print this out, make it into wallpaper, and put it up ALL over her room. The rent a few billboards on every route to school and do the same. I mean, you're evil afterall. Wink

I hope you feel slightly bettee.

morrginme's picture

But it wasn't with a SD and it was a different situation a long time ago.

morrginme's picture

This isn't the kind of feedback I like to read but I know it's important for me to hear and I thank you for it. My situation can't improve unless I get honest about it.

futurobrillante99's picture

Tough as it is to hear, it's true that your husband is to blame. #1 for not doing a better job raising/getting help for his child. #2 for leaving you with her in situations where you're alone together. He's supposed to protect you.

Now you get to decide if you're going to keep caring what she does and or thinks of you, AND if you're going to continue to let her use, abuse and walk all over you. You're in charge.

MurphysLaw's picture

Believe me, I know.

Xs 3 adult children were ill bred & poorly raised.

That falls directly onto HIS shoulders, he bred with a pig, not once, but 3X.

His brood was given Adult Status from birth with full Authority and ZERO responsibility or consequences for their actions or no action.

And he is as proud as a peacock in how they have turned out.

A thieving lying heroin addict.

A thieving lying drunken deviant.

An unemployable thieving lying drunken pothead druggie loser.

They’re AMAZING!

lieutenant_dad's picture

The abuse itself isn't her DH's fault. Allowing it to continue and not putting his foot squarely up his daughter's arse, however, is.

No one can please two masters. Time for DH to decide which one he wants to make happy.

morrginme's picture

He gets all frustrated saying he doesnt know how to make everyone happy. I told him its not about making everybody happy its about doing whats right.

Monkeysee's picture

100%. Being a parent isn’t always about making sure the little prince or princess is happy. It’s about teaching them right from wrong and preparing them to be a competent adult with a good head on their shoulders. 

ITB2012's picture

DH has over the years made me out to be the evil stepmother. He is the one that assumes the worst when I open my mouth.

So I made him a list about what I total B*** I am. And it was all stuff like on your list. All the nice things I've done, the trouble I went to for nice things, the pushing I did for the skids to do things that were good for them (like learning to swim). Yeah, I'm a monster. I wonder why DH is still married to me.

And I said that too in my email to him with the list, that I couldn't believe he stayed married to such a horrible person.

It took sending it twice about six months apart for him to even get it a little and back off a little.

Now, my skids do not do any of the crap I read on this site. They are actually pretty decent kids. If it was all three of them I would have been out of the picture and not even on this site anymore. I'm always surprised that the skids are more respectful to me than they are DH in a lot of ways.

morrginme's picture

It doesn't help that DH was a Skid himself. He went through 4 SM. He's talked about how mean and unfair they were. One or two sounded mean, another sounded overwhelmed, and the rest he couldn't remember anything about them that was bad. He remembers sitting in his room all day doing nothing while waiting for his fad to get home. His grandmother told me about one of them hanging sheets outside the window so all the neighbors could see how his sister had wet the bed. Another time he was found sitting in a home devoid of all furniture because SM had taken every piece of furniture and not all of it was hers to take. One of his step sisters later told him when they were a lined up to get spanked the SM only spanked the skids and faked spanking her own. He says he can eat any kind of soap without problem because he told himself to like it. 

Ive asked him why she would feel the need to make him eat soap and other questions to get him thinking. I also mentioned it was his dad who chose these women and is it a big suprise that BM wasnt that great either. He thinks about it. He realizes that maybe they werent all as bad as he thought but its still hard for him not to believe his kids when they claim they are being treated unfairly by a SM.

Chmmy's picture

All the nasty things you've said, Im sometimes afraid SD will do to me. I got sick once from 3 bites of hummus. It was open and I didnt remember opening it. I had 3 bites with celery and I was in the bathroom several times in the next 2 or 3 hours and really didnt feel right for a day after that. Im the only one who eats hummus besides her and she's always welcome to eat my food. She had an inconsistent story on whether or not she had opened it or ate any. I just wanted to know if the seal was open when I bought it. Its sad Im afraid to keep open food in my fridge and DH wonders why I spend so much time at my parents. I eat there!  I also keep my cash at my parents. Missing money 3 times. DH made an excuse once that he took it & forgot. There's 4 kids, who to blame?

 

CLove's picture

Keep posting and ranting. It really does help to put things in persepctive. I joined a few years back because things were so horrible - between the High Conflict BM (Toxic Troll), the Toxic Feral Eldest now 19, and my loss of self-confidence due to previously being in an abusive living situation, I felt like the worst thing imaginable. Just recently, Toxic Feral Eldest blasted DH, calling him a horrible person, abusive father and how mean and rude I am. I am so mean and rude that I "harrassed her through her bedroom door." This because we were arguing and in spite of her being very disrespectful and insulting, I STILL showed respect by not trying to enter the rom, when she had closed the door.

My eldest SD likes to re-write history, play victim and call everyone abusive. She has had SUCH a difficult life, being a child of divorce. Now, living with her mother, she is expected to contribute to Toxic Trolls household like anyone else, and complains to her father (remember, the horrible abusive father), and asked him for money. 

And of course I have never done anything for her ever. Like Ive never cooked meals for her, specially (she was pescatarian. Although now that she has to support her high maintenance lifestyle choices, she has reverted to being a carnivor.) I never cleaned her moldy dishes she had piling in her room, after being asked to please not eat in her room, and please wash her dishes after. Oh, yes, and I never did her taxes (free!) and got her $1400 return! Nope, didnt do ANYTHING for her.

What did she ever do for me? Made me puke cleaning her room after she ghosted us, and left everything behind. Left her room to be a storage locker for her crap. Her dirty laundry, plastic water bottles, bloody pads, used makeup packages.

Made me sick, but I turned it into a plant-filled oasis of calm and everyone loves being in there, and watching the koi fish swim around. It has the best sunlight, and we can even watch sunsets. But Toxic Feral is mad that I turned HER ROOM into MY OFFICE. LOL. Good. She can get mad at whatever, we no longer speak to each other, she doesnt come around here, and she has her miserable job living with her miserable mother in the miserable grimy apartment in the bad part of town. Me on the other had, has married MR. Right, got an awesome new job making really great money, treated really fabulously, Mr Right (DH) married me this summer in a beautiful, touching ceremony of elopement, we are having a great time planning our future together (to include travel).

It seems like your DH is not such a dear. He bands together with SD, and excludes you. They create a private club only for them, with you as their common enemy. Seems like she is is #1. And you are the "other woman", who takes on all the work, and all the blame. 

Please consider that there is joy out there, and this pain is pain that you have the power to stop, if you so choose. You are the star of your own life, step up and perhaps consider walking away from this. It will destroy your health.

morrginme's picture

After he got home from work SD suddenly changed her mood like she was very upset about something. Before she walked out the door to visit a friend she asked her dad in a way that was obvious she wanted me to hear if they could have a talk later or now. He went to work outside so I'm not sure when they had their talk but a little later he told me he would like to have a talk with me. While having a talk is great it still really pissed me off. We should have had a talk earlier and the fact that his reason for wanting to talk with me is because of whatever SD talked to him about. 

On the other hand I've noticed that he's been more calm lately and the fact that he wants to talk and not just launch at yelling me when SD is upset is a noticeable change. He started raising his voice to me for a moment but I launched back that I have a right to be angry and any normal person in my shoes would be angry too. I also told him it's not fair to me that when I have a legitimate reason for being upset he tries to bully and scare me by getting angry at me for being angry. 

We suck at arguing and the talk never happened.

TwoOfUs's picture

lol. 

I used to think about doing awful, mean pranks to my skids...but never did. 

Once, I went so far as to buy a horrible, horrible smelling "Fart Spray" on Amazon...planning to pour a little out in YSDs car. I'm not sure what possessed me on this...I must have been so angry and unhappy. 

The spray came but I never did it, thank goodness. That would have been unnecessarily mean and horrible...and the truth is, I'm not that person. But the fact that I considered being that person to the point that I actually bought the stuff? That's scary and shows you just how difficult being a SM really is. 

pickles45's picture

If SO's daughter EVER hurt my dog :a) I would slap her so hard it would take a week for the mark to go away! b) I would "hurt" her iphone 10 and apple watch (spoiled much??) and c) if my SO even gave me on ounce of flack I would tell him to F** Off!!!