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27 YEAR OLD STEPDAUGHTER ISSUES

LTroyMt's picture

I'm new to this so bare with me...my husband is 14 years older than i am we have been together for 6 years married for 4 we have a 3 year old daughter together who is absolutely amazing our life is great except for one issue his daughter who is 27 has been causing horrendous strain on our relationship for the past 6 years since we met basically. from the time we started dating she has involved her mother who my husband has not been with since she was a 1 1/2 years old. the verbal abuse started with my SD and her mother anywhere from i'd be out with my friends and she'd text her dad saying i was hanging all over guys my husband would confront me and my gf's i was with would straight up tell him she was not she was with us her lies started there that didn't work then she went as far as to send her mother who btw is drunk drunk attic and her aunt who has the same issues over to our home with baseball bats pounding on our door at 3 am threatening to kick both me and my husbands asses we called the cops and there is still a warrant out for her mother who'm does not live in this state. shortly after that i got pregnant the first thing that came out of my SD mouth was "why the hell did you knock that bitch up" and then didn't talk to her dad for 4 months we ignored it came time for my first ultra sound then she was ok with it all said she was excited i was having a girl she then proceeded to txt her mother we were having a baby girl her mother then txtd my husband and said "what you don't have the balls to have a boy" we ignored that also..my husband was upset that his daughter had txtd his mother anyting at all it's none of her business our life. they had not been together for 20 some years. the following summer i was pregnant i was put down by my stepdaughter and her friends and cousins on her side of the family. after i had my daughter she acted all flakey and interested and caring that lasted for 4 months than the shit started again. i would be out with my friends taking a break from being home all the time and she would txt her dad things like she flipped me off or i was rude to her when i didn't even talk to her nor see her. following all of this the last 3 years i have been wished dead more than 5 times threatened i was going to get my ass kicked and i better watch my back threatened that her mother was going to come here and put me in my grave where i belong all because her dad wouldn't take her side or leave me cause of her or she didn't get her way with things. She has continuously texted me and my husband horrible things verbally abusing us threatening she was going to turn us into dsf for not getting her way. About a month ago we ran into her at a local bar she walked in all drunk got in my husbands face and was angry with him called him names and said "don't you ever have anyone watch our daughter but her", I walked up to them asked what was going on and she turned around verbaly abused me called me several names and said i was a bad mother and didn't deserve to have my daughter then proceeded to smack me in the face, i dropped it let it go saw her in walamart few days later my daughter was with me said look theres " " better say hi she looked at me looked at my daughter gave us a dirty look and went down the next isle my daughters feelings were hurt she proceeded to flip me off and call me a bitch. It literally upset my stomach that she could be so cruel as to take her problems with me out on my 3 yr old daughter. i told my husband of it all and he confronted her she sent several txt messages with a huge manipulated lie making me look to be the bad person said i was hysterically yelling at her in front of maddie i'm like really well he didn't believe her he told her no she was wrong and y would i do such a thing she then proceeded tosend several mean ugly txt messages about me and the incident with her slapping me in the face said "the bitch deserved it" started a war again. i did text her back and said you lied again and i wasn't going to put up with the abuse anymore informed her that me and my daughter would not be attending her wedding in july and to stay away from us i said i don't care for you and what you have done to me and my daughter is unacceptable ecspecially considering we had just given her alot of money for her wedding before the incident of her slapping me it was 3 days b4 that. she proceeded to call her dad and text him more mean ugly things he told her maybe you should have thought bout your action in the last 5 years and the last couple weeks. To top this all off about this wedding deal she deliberately ruined our wedding she was spose to sign our marriage papers and never showed was on the phone with her mother the whole time. broke my husbands heart when he finally did get ahold of her she said i don't like the bitch and didn't want you to marry her. anyways to go on further i have had no contact with her she has involved my husbands family in her lies and manipulation to set out to make us be horrible mean bad people. we went out a couple weeks ago and ran into her again! she started running her mouth saying the mean awful things she does egged a fight on and i attacked her i had had enough. the fight broke up and i went outside her cousin and 2 of her friends jumped me outside i do have a witness to that.. I was taken to jail and charged with a pfma i spent a day and a half in jail away from my daughter and husband it was hell and heartbreaking. I plead guilty to the charge. I was wrong for what i did and i'll admit it but after almost 5 years of verbal mental abuse threats and whatnot i snapped. I realize now that i should have been the bigger person the adult and just walked away. i understand that. to make matters worse the day i plead guilty to my charge wich the judge commended me on being an adult about that same morning she went in and put a temporary restraining order on me. the judge was irritated by that said it was childish of her and seemed she just wanted to keep things going. he granted the temporary restraint and i have a hearing today on it. i'm nervous i feel threated by her and feel that if anyone should have a restrainng order on them it should be her. but that is besides the point i've had threats on the interenet me and my husband from her mother and her mothers family. i feel i have paid the price for what i did and would just like her to leave us alone. in the last 2 weeks since the incident she has texted my husband ugly nasty things saying he's a horrible father and mean things about me also. point being she is a malicious snake manipulative liar and i do feel threatened by her i feel she is trying everything possible to make our lifes hell...i want nothing to do with her i want no contact i just simply wish that she would leave us alone for good. any opinions or advice would be great

Starla's picture

Quite the dream step child..damn!! Keep documentation, save or print up text messages, carry & use a voice recorder at all times when dealing with these people which can be used in court if you tell them they are being recorded (record yourself saying so & they will get nasty or shut up), bring it all to court, & go from there. Even after court, keep all documentation! You may need it down the road.

With recording conversations, you need to state out loud on tape that everything is being recorded every single time you press the record button. After a period of time with you doing so, they being the big mouths that you say they are will eventually call you bluff on the recording thing. Be patient & wait for that time to come. Give them plenty of rope to hang themselves. They will view the recorder as a threat time after time of it being used & that's when you got them right where you want them.

Good luck!

herewegoagain's picture

Sorry, ALL OF THIS is YOUR HUSBAND's FAULT. Period. Yes, the ex is crazy, yes the SD is crazy, yes they are ALL crazy, but it is UP TO YOUR HUSBAND to stand up for you and keep them away and DEMAND respect...if not, it is up to him to CUT HIS LOSSES and tell them to take a hike. PERIOD.

You have two choices here:

1. you talk to your DH, tell him that he needs to WAKE THE HELL UP and protect YOU AND YOUR CHILD and tell his kid, ex, etc. to f#$%$5 off
2. you DUMP HIM and protect YOUR CHILD AND YOURSELF from these people

That's it. Simple.

Freaking amazing...I am so very sorry you are going through this, but you really need to do something IMMEDIATELY. If he's more interested in keeping the peace with his crazy daughter than he is of keeping the peace for the sake of his young child, he has major problems.

ThatGirl's picture

Ditto. He's allowing her to behave this way. She's a grown woman, he needs to cut all contact with her and her mother. Both of their phone numbers should be blocked. He needs to cut all ties with that mess of low rent garbage. Charges should be pressed anytime she or her family assault/threaten you.

If he's unwilling to do what's right, you need to get out. You don't deserve to be treated this way and there are plenty of other men out there who would do it better.

LTroyMt's picture

He did stand up for me this last month of hell but she continues to pull the whole blame game on both of us. he is coming with me to the hearing today and will stand by my side it's not fair to him or i that she is allowed to continue to text thru him nasty things about me or put him thru the verbal abuse either. and i do hope that today the judge will see how vindictive she is. in the restraining order she stated i was to stay 300 feet away from my husbands work place since she listed that as her place of employment she cleaned the tiny office maybe twice a month. My husband went in right after we got the papers wrote a certified letter to the judge saying she no longer works there was terminated and he ammended the restraining order and of course that caused more texts from his daughter to him he ignored her and she proceeded with the i can see how much you care about me poor poor SD bs and that she wanted the pictures of her when she was a child growing up said since i know you dont care to have them and I do... wich r few i think he only has like 5 pics of her as a child seeings he gave them all to her already and her mother who thru out the years of drug abuse and moving all the time lost them. She also got caught in another lie over him firing her she complained you can't fire me because of her i didn't press charges the city did on and on and that the restraint simply said after hours and 20 feet or some crap wich it clearly stated 300 feet from the company builiding.. she put that as her employment on purpose knowing that me and my daughter go there like everyday so vindictive. I just want her to leave me alone. and to stop the verbal and mental abuse with my husband she really had the nerve when i was in jail to spout off to him and say well can you at least bring my "sister" half sister to see me since this is prob last time i will ever see her again.... wich she has not been in contact with my daughter see's her on her nice streaks wich is normally since she's been born maybe a couple months out of the year. she uses our 3 year old daughter against him guilt trips saying the only one I am hurting is my own daughter and that it's not fair that she can't see her. i'm like y would i want my daughter around someone like you. in the past when she was mad at us and we took our little girl over there she came back saying mommy and daddy are mean and me and SD don't like you...so yea i feel i am doing whats best for me an my own child. today at court i can already tell whats going to happen she's going to flip out doing the she this she that blah blah i still feel threatened i'm the victim thing and i'm just going to sit there not make eye contact with them and look at the judge speak when spoken to. i feel that is my best bet on beating her on all of this the judge will see how childish she is and is the one causing the problems.
and i do agree with my husband has been her enabler in all this from hearing from some of his family members she has been doing this to him since she was a child playing head games in order to get what she wants. it disgusts me i was not raised that way i have never met such awful people in my whole life.

LTroyMt's picture

She has no life she cleans her fiancees office once a week and is a die hard pot smoker her and her fiance are and i'm quite positive they are dealing out of that house. it just disgusts me. i'm also aware that right after me an my husband met that she had an abortion for no other reason that her fiance said it was financially not the right time asked us for money said it was to get her wisdom teeth out and we came to find out the money we gave her was to pay for the abortion wich my husband is totally against. I feel she is jealous of what we have. and i am also aware of other people that she has threatened in the past over small petty things like she was going to burn there house down and slash there tires. there is documentation from the person that this happened to if she goes further with all this he will turn her in.

LTroyMt's picture

I have blocked her number from my phone weeks ago after the slapping me in the face incident. and i am going to document everything and anything that happens in the future she is a snake and i don't trust her. i have told my husband that also to not mention me at all if she starts saying anyting bout me hang up or don't answer her back.

LTroyMt's picture

It's a work cell phone from his company but i do wish he would block her as well end all this childness and horse crap

LTroyMt's picture

thank you i appreciate it is such an ugly situation and i dont feel that me and my daughter should have to live with it after today is said and done wich i'm praying the judge see's her true self and how she is and doesn't grant a permanant order i am finished with dealing with it in the future there will be no more said of her to my husband or anyone i might bitch on here just to avoid an argument with him but i am done being treated this way it just has not been fair to me to have to feel bad for marrying him or falling in love or having an amazing daughter of my own.

herewegoagain's picture

She is 20 freaking 7!!! He can do one of two things:

1. change his phone number and DO NOT give it out to her, her mother or anyone else involved with her in any way, shape or form. If she shows up at your house, his employment, etc. call the COPS!
2. he can change his phone number, get a cheap prepaid phone and give her THAT number. He can then tell her "I have 60 minutes or 30 minutes on that phone, any texts are counted as minutes. Use your minutes with me WISELY because once they are gone, they are GONE".

End of freaking story.

LTroyMt's picture

one more thing i would like to add when i have tried to talk to my husband bout all of this many times he pulls the "Knock your shit off" line and that i am the one who continues to raise hell...any advice on this one????happened at lunch when i was trying to discuss this hearing this afternoon.

stepmomfromhell's picture

Sadly your DH is an enabler and wants to keep his DD intact in his family. He is not looking forward to this hearing. Also many men with children from their previous marriage(s) have guilty daddy syndrome and that the first daughter is their little princess and your SD is in no way wanting to give up that title. This is why she hated the fact that you became pregnant.

Now what you have to do, is if your DH doesn't protect you from his insane daughter you will most likely have to leave for your own protection, as well has your daughter's. This relationship with your DH doesn't sound like it's going anywhere. If this continues you will find yourself at your lowest point in life and that won't be good for your daughter. After the hearing I would pick up pack and leave with your daughter. When you get to your destination you can contact your DH and get him to see your point.

Leave as soon as possible with your daughter. I sure as hell wouldn't stick around with this abuse.

LTroyMt's picture

WEll to make matters worse the SD put a one year restraining order on me had a representative from sinada with her to spice up her vengeance. good for her at least I don't have to worry about her coming around anymore or the harrassing text messages I just find it quite pathetic the judge asked her if she's doing this out of justified fear of me or just because she doesn't like me and she wimpered i'm fearful. me and my husband just was like omg really? he said he is done with her and she will never see my daughter again her half sister. I feel what she has done to us i unjust I feel i was set up and may take legal actions of my own i to can also report her past abuse and the slapping of the face incident to the city attorney and can file a restraining order back on her wich i think i am going to do for the sake of my daughter and myself safety i don't trust her and i feel she would go to any length to destroy me. or try and get me to violate the restraining order i don't feel safe around her or her friends or her mother she is vindictive and i can't risk getting in trouble with her and losing my child over her childness and mean-ness.