I am feeling extra down today. I feel sorry for my SD13. She is with us for vacation and I’ve gotten used to only seeing her EOW. So I have put her issues out of my mind, gotten back to focusing on me and have been happier for it.
But this vacation has upset that homeostasis. The longer I see her, the more I have to resist my urge to mother her. So I hide in errands or in my housework. I must and continue to resist encouraging any good habits in her because doing so chips away at a very healthy emotional boundary i’ve put up for myself. She is not my child and she is not my responsibility! But resisting the urge to mother does make me feel so sad.
I feel like she is a child who has been limited in her intelligence, socially and cognitively by her self-obsessed mom and my DH who struggles to notice her poor hygiene or her poor social skills. Or who blames those on BM. He says “I think she is doing just fine.” I think he is a fool. Other times I think he is smart for mostly giving up and making peace with what little influence he has.
Watching him parent our DS is an entirely different story, but watching him “parent” his daughter is so unattractive. He isn’t a Disney dad. He says I love you. He listens. He plays board games. But he just doesn’t seem to “get it” and notice when it matters most with SD13 in my opinion. Like when she lies. Or when she wears the same socks four days in a row, or when she eats junk. Or when she does not bathe. Or when she picks her nose and wipes it on the couch! Or maybe he does notice but he knows he has no power. (Or he feels so sorry for her he doesnt want to embarrass her.) That is always his line, “I don’t have any power over her anymore. She isn’t around.” And I’m not talking about him letting her be rude or hateful. He doesn’t allow that. I’m talking about him not shaping his child. Not having real conversations with her. And the shape I see her turning into month by month is so malformed.
It is all just so sad.